Benjamin F Johnson My Lifes Review

Benjamin F. Johnson (1818-1905)

Autobiography (1818-1846)

From, Benjamin F. Johnson, My Life's Review

(Independence, Missouri: Zion's Printing and PubUshing Co., 1947)
pp. 7-107.

Available online at:

http://www.boap.org/LDS/Early-Saints/BFJohnson.html

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CHAPTER ONE
MY CHILDHOOD

I was born July 28, 1818, in the town of Pomfret, Chatauqua County,
New York. My father, Ezekiel Johnson, was born in Uxbridge,
Massachusetts, January 12, 1776, and my mother, Julia Hills, was born in
Upton, Massachusetts, September 26, 1783.

To my parents were born sixteen children, namely: Joel Hills, Nancy
Maria, Seth Gurnsey, Delcina Diadamia, Julia Ann, David, Almera
Woodard, Susan Ellen, Joseph Ellis, Benjamin Franklin, Mary Maria, Elmer
Wood, George Washington, William Derby, Esther Meleta and Amos
Partridge. Excepting Elmer W., who died in infancy, all arrived at
maturity, and all were among the first to embrace the fullness of the
gospel.

In 1806 my parents moved from Royalton, Massachusetts, to Westford,
Crittenden County, Vermont, from which place, in 1814, they moved to
the place of my birth, in western New York.

My earliest recollections are of pioneer life, clearing deep forests with
great labor for my parents, to obtain but scanty living comforts. While
gathering forest nuts, wild fruits and flowers, with the tender care of [to
me) a beloved and beautiful mother, loving elder sisters, and
companionship of my almost twin brother; these were to me the happy
features of my childhood and early youth.

At about 4 years of age, the death of my 18-month-old brother, Elmer
Wood, brought to me a deep and lasting sorrow and grief, that through
childhood often wet my pillow with tears and saddened my lonely hours.
My mother possessed high religious veneration, and early taught me faith

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in God and the necessity of prayer. At this early period, so soon after the
war of 1812, and in what was then a wild and almost frontier region, with
heavy primeval forests to clear away before a meager crop of anything
could be raised from the virgin soil for food, it seemed to require a giant
fortitude and great patience on the part of all, to wait for results. My
father for a series of years wrestled with the herculean task of clearing off
the forests, but worn with incessant labors and the care of so large a
family, he sought for a stimulus, and in my earliest childhood became
addicted to the use of ardent spirits. Neither his labors nor his love for his
family seemed to diminish, yet the fiend of unhappiness had entered our
home to break the bonds of union between our parents and to destroy the
happiness of their children. In looking back over my childhood it almost
seems that I was born to be a child of sorrow, for such was my love for
both of my parents that because of the troubles and unhappiness my
heart at times would seem almost ready to burst with sorrow and grief,
and a feeling always seemed with me to wish that I had died at my birth,
or that 1 never had been born.

With the deepest sympathies for our father's hard labors all his boys
early learned to be helpful, and even at six years of age I was accustomed
to follow him in the summertime to the forests and fields, to pile and burn
the brush, or in planting time, to drop the seeds, or in haying, open the
swaths for drying the hay, and no one then old enough to become in any
way a help was left to be idle. All our support and home comforts were
produced by our home industry; from the wool all our winter clothing
was made for the men and boys, and from the flax all the summer clothing
both for women and men; also all the bed and table linen and toweling. At
this period young women were not thought qualified for marriage, who
could not, through their own industry provide all these things. Our
cheese, butter and honey were home products, as also sugar, thousands of

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pounds of which we made from maple forests; while soap and candle
making, with beer brewing were common, homelike events.

While yet in childhood I was accompanied by my mother or those older
than myself each Sabbath to the Sunday School and Presbyterian meeting.
Here I learned to read and write from the Bible and to begin to be
afflicted with the idea of a future punishment, with literal fire and
brimstone to those who did not "get religion" or a "change of heart."
Before I was ten years of age I was greatly exercised with anxiety and fear
upon this subject, and until I was past 13 years of age, and had received
the gospel, I did not cease to attend all their religious meetings and
revivals, hoping 1 might obtain that forgiveness of sins that would release
me from the fears of that awful burning pit so powerfully portrayed.

In my earlier years, although but a child, I was often led to wonder at
the difference between the present and former religions, and especially in
the life and character of their advocates. And in reading of the
persecution of our Savior, His apostles, and the prophets, my very soul
would become enthused with the wish that I had lived in their day, or that
the day of prophets and revelation might come again while I yet lived.

In the year 1829, in our village paper, was published an account of
some young man professing to have seen an angel, who had shown and
delivered to him golden plates, engraved in a strange language and hid up
in the earth, from which he had translated a new Bible, and I could hardly
refrain from wishing or hoping it might be so. I think it was the year
previous that there was seen at night in the heavens a large ball of light,
like fire, which passed from the east to the western horizon. My older
brothers who were out hunting coons, saw it and came home to tell of the
wonder they had seen. When I asked my mother what its cause or

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meaning was, she said it was one of the signs of the near approach of the
coming of Christ, or the day of judgment. This remained upon my mind a
subject of deep thought, and I afterwards learned from those who should
know, that this sign was given the night following the day on which the
plates were taken from the earth by the Prophet Joseph.

In childhood my advantages for parental instruction and discipline
were not great, owing to my mother's large family and my father's
intemperate habits, but no influence was so potent as the love of my
parents and my home, to restrain me to obedience and to the love of
truth. Yet in no degree was my mother or my elder sisters remiss in their
Sunday readings, and teaching us from the Bible, or at other times when
opportunity would permit. My school education was less than it would
have been, had I loved school more, and possessed a greater aptitude for
learning. My bashfulness and great susceptibility to slight or ridicule
made me jealous and fearful, and did much to suppress my capability to
learn. When about nine years of age my brother Seth, then about 21,
commenced to teach our district winter school, and in summer it was
taught by Nancy, my eldest sister, but from this period I was permitted to
attend only the winter terms. My brother, Joseph E., who was just fifteen
months older than myself, possessed all the facilities for acquiring
education that 1 lacked. We were constant companions, and he, being
capable of taking the first prizes in our school, my pride and anxiety all
followed with him, so that if duties at home were likely to interfere with
his success, I assumed them, even in staying from school, through fear
that he would not obtain the highest prize or honors of our school and
class. Thus things continued with me, and 1 made slow progress in my
schooling.

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About 1830 my oldest brother, Joel H., sold his farm and mill and
moved out to Amherst, in Loraine County, Ohio, soon after my oldest
sister, Nancy, was thrown from a horse and her thigh bone was broken
close to its hip socket. This to me seemed a terrible calamity, especially as
the doctors told us she would remain a cripple for life.

About this time we began to hear more about the "Golden Bible" that
had been found by "Joe Smith" the "money digger," etc., etc. My elder
brother, David, having gone to visit Joel H. in Amherst, Ohio, had
remained there until the next season, in the spring of which the first
elders, going from Kirtland to Missouri, stopped and raised up a large
branch of the Church into which both of my brothers were baptized.
Previous to this, rumors had come from Ohio of the spread of what was
called "Campbellism," a new sect, of which Sidney Rigdon was then the
chief apostle, and through fear that my brothers would become deluded
by the new doctrines, my mother had written a letter of caution to them,
which was soon answered to say that they had both joined the
"Mormonites" [then so called], believers in the Prophet Joseph Smith and
the Book of Mormon or "Golden Bible." This news came upon us almost as
a horror and a disgrace. The first news was soon followed by the Book of
Mormon, accompanied by a lengthy explanation, on the receipt of which
my mother, brother Seth, sister Nancy, and Lyman R. Sherman, with some
of the neighbors, all devoted to religion, would meet together secretly to
read the Book of Mormon and accompanying letter, or perhaps to deplore
the delusion into which my brothers had fallen. But their reading soon led
to marveling at the simplicity and purity of what they read, and at the
spirit which accompanied it, bearing witness to its truth. After a few days
of secrecy I was permitted to meet with them, to hear it read, being then
13 years of age; and in listening, a feeling of the most intense anxiety
came over me to learn more. It seemed as if I must hear it all before I

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could be satisfied; and the principle of faith began to spring up in my
heart to believe it. This was in the early fall of 1831. Now a bright hope
began to arise in my heart that there really was a living prophet on the
earth, and my greatest fear was that it would not prove true.

Later in the fall my brothers came from Ohio to see us and bear their
testimony, and were accompanied by Almon W. Babbitt, then not
seventeen years of age. They bore a faithful testimony, but neither of
them seemed capable of teaching in a public capacity. As a family we were
being converted to the truth, when unexpectedly there came to us Elders
James Brackinbury and Jabez Durfee. Elder Brackinbury was a capable
man and a great reasoner, and the Spirit of the Lord rested mightily upon
him, confirming the words we had already received. My mother, and
Lyman R. Sherman, my brother-in-law, were soon baptized, shortly
followed by the baptism of all my brothers and sisters who had attained
their majority. At this time my father was employed upon job work as a
canter in Fredonia and not being inclined to accept the gospel, would not
permit us minor children to receive our baptism. My mother, brothers,
sisters, brother-in-law and neighbors who were now in the church had
always been esteemed among the most eminent in religious society, and
the news spreading around, the priests began to howl about Faith,
Prophets, and Delusions, and to do all possible to turn us away from the
truth, calling publicly for "signs," etc., asking why my sister Nancy, who
then walked upon crutches, was not healed? But upon the subject of her
being healed I have written more full in "Faith Promoting Series."

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Chapter TWO EARLY EXPERIENCES IN THE CHURCH

All my father's family, except himself, now believed, and with many of
our neighbors had obeyed the gospel, except those under age. And now it
seemed as though Satan was permitted to try both our faith and our
fortitude, for after a few weeks of the most powerful and successful
preaching, in the midst of ridicule, scoffing and persecution. Elder
Brackinbury was taken sick and within a few days died. Our enemies now
felt they had a great triumph; for where now were the gifts of the gospel
when our strongest man could die, and my sister, though she had
embraced the gospel, was yet upon her crutches? These things seemed at
the time a great trial, yet in no decree did it dampen the faith of any, and
while listening to the ravings of our enemies, the truth, with the love of it,
became the more deeply planted in my heart.

The evening after the funeral and burial of Elder Brackinbury all were
gathered at my mother's with the feeling of mourning, and praying
together. Late in the evening my brother David felt troubled in mind, and
when interrogated, said our enemies were then digging up the body of
Elder Brackinbury. They soon started to the graveyard, which was about
one mile distant, and on their approach found a party of men around, and
one in the grave just ready to remove the body. They instantly fled and
were pursued by my brothers and friends. My brother David captured a
large and powerful young man, older than himself, and nearly double his
size, who was brought before a magistrate, and bound over to appear at
the next term of court.

My brother Joel on his return in early spring to Ohio, wished me to
accompany him, which I did, and although only past thirteen years old,
traveled on foot over 200 miles one week, carrying my bundle of clothing.

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The year previous I had cut my ankle with an axe, took cold in it, and for a
time it was feared 1 would lose my leg. The ankle was still weak, and the
misery of that journey can only be known by my good angel and myself.

In the course of the summer, my father, Seth, Susan, and others came
from our home in New York to Kirtland, Ohio, saw the Prophet Joseph,
and later came to us in Amherst. My father then appeared favorably
impressed, and to all appearance was becoming confirmed in the faith
and truth of the gospel.

While in Amherst, at my brother Joel's a mania seemed to come over
Seth, whom we all so dearly loved, and who was regarded by all as a
gentleman and a scholar— a pattern for all young men. Apparently this
was because of his extreme anxiety to see our father converted to the
truth and redeemed from intemperance. Our first intimation of this mania
was the discovery that he had left the house in the night, and when, after
anxious searching and waiting for him, he came back about 10 o'clock
A.M. next day, his mind in a wild and deranged condition. We found he
had traveled near 100 miles in that short period of time. He returned
home with my father, and remained weakened in mind for a few months,
but was the same fall able to come to Ohio, from which place, after a short
stay, 1 accompanied him home, after which he became to all appearance
perfectly sound in mind.

Our hopes that our father would embrace the gospel were blighted, for
all the light that had been reflected upon his understanding seemed
turned to darkness, and so great was his darkness that at times it
appeared like the buffetings of the Evil One.

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Thus things remained until my father concluded to sell our home in
New York and move to Chicago, which then was but a small frontier town.
With this view he sold his two farms in the fall of 1832, and in the early
spring of 1833 sailed up the lakes with the understanding that we were to
give possession before the first of June and he would send us instructions
as to when we were to come to him. But time passed, and no letter of
instruction came; and being compelled to give possession of our home,
we started for Ohio, and arrived at Kirtland early in June 1833. Some of
our wagons and teams were traded for a home on what was then called
"Kirtland Flat," close by the schoolhouse. My father at Chicago had bought
a quarter section of land, and had written, but through some overruling
providence his letters miscarried, and after waiting a length of time he
disposed of his land and returned, to find us all at Kirtland. My mother
being unwilling to leave Kirtland, my father concluded to remain, though
apparently under protest, for his feelings had now become bitter through
his disappointment. And here I will say, that although my father was
apparently opposed to the truth, and had developed habits, yet he was a
man of the highest organization. As a husband and parent, he was by
nature the most tender and affectionate. As a neighbor and friend, most
obliging and true, and was a man of truth and honor among men. Never
was a question known to be raised as to his integrity, for his word was his
bond; and in all things he was a gentleman in the fullest sense, except
only in the habit of intemperance, which at times would seem to change
his whole nature. He was a man of full middle stature, about 5 ft. 10 in. in
height; of solid build, fine light brown hair, a mild but piercing blue eye,
with light smooth skin, and of natural personal attractions. He was
beloved and sought after by his friends, and for his words only he was
feared and avoided, for with no other blow than words was he ever
known to strike anything big.

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In the fall of 1833, while yet there were but few saints in Kirtland, and
those all of the poorer class, it was required by the Lord that a temple
should be built at that place. As at first it was designed to build it of brick,
my brother Joel H. was called upon to burn them. After obtaining a
brickyard belonging to Brothers Joseph and Thomas Hancock, I went to
work to assist in making them. Here my brother David, a young man of
twenty-three years of age, 6 ft. 3 in. in height, straight, and of the finest
build and deportment, through his ambition in labors upon the year, and
in procuring wood with which to burn the brick, overtaxed his strength,
took severe cold, and commenced bleeding at the lungs. He lingered for a
few weeks in quick consumption, and died as he had lived, a true Latter-
day Saint. His last testimony was given through the gift of tongues, which
was interpreted by Brother Don Carlos Smith, who as his friend and
companion, was present at his death, which occurred October 30, 1833.

Previous to this, the purpose of building the temple of brick was
abandoned, as a stone quarry at easy distance was opened to obtain the
rock for its construction. But such was the poverty of the people at the
time of breaking ground for its foundation, that there was not a scraper
and hardly a plow that could be obtained among the Saints.

At the laying of the cornerstones of the temple, in the spring of 1834
my brothers, Joel H. and Seth, and brother-in-law, L.R. Sherman, assisted.

On the night of the 14th of November of that year was seen a
fulfillment of one of the noted predictions of our Savior pertaining to the
last days, that we had so often heard quoted by the elders, that "the stars
should fall from heaven as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs." But my
pen is inadequate to give a description of the scene then presented, for
the heavens were full of a blazing storm, from zenith to horizon, and a

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view more sublime and terrible the eyes of man may never have seen. To
the fearful it struck terror, and even some of the Saints seemed almost
paralyzed with fear, for it appeared for a time that both the heavens and
the earth were on fire. I gazed upon the scene with wondering awe, but
with full realization of its purport as a sign of the last days. I afterwards
learned that it occurred on the night following the driving of the Saints
from Jackson County, Missouri.

The winter of 1833-34 I attended district school in Kirtland. Brother
Joel H. had bought some wild land in the township, and also built a saw
mill, and sometimes working for our neighbors, my brother Joseph E. and
myself spent our first year, including the brick-making.

As we had no permanent business at home to occupy both Joseph and
myself, and there being at home three brothers still younger, I deemed it
better to look for some permanent employment, and engaged to Brother
Uriah B. Powell to learn the saddlery business at $24 a year with board.
Previous to this, however, the mob had driven the Saints from Jackson
County, and Zion's camp was preparing to start, in which I desired to
accompany my brother Seth, and brother-in-law E.R. Sherman, with A. W.
Babbitt, who was to marry my sister, Julia. But the Prophet deemed it not
best for me to go, owing to the opposition of my father, and as 1 had not
yet received my baptism. I was assured by the prophet Joseph that no loss
should come to me for waiting, for although not fully a member I had
partaken of every hope, desire, and spiritual influence with which those
around me were animated. It was with a joy almost unspeakable that I
realized that 1 was living in a day when God had a prophet upon the earth.

In the summer of 1834 Father Joseph Smith, Sr., commenced to visit
the families of the Saints and give patriarchal blessings, and greatly was

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the Spirit of the Lord manifested among the Saints in the gift of tongues,
with interpretation, prophecy, and the gift of healing. In the course of the
summer Elder Jared Carter, a man then of mighty faith, came with other
elders to our house, and seeing sister Nancy upon her crutches
commanded her in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth to leave her
crutches and walk, which she at once did, and never again did she use
them, although for years she had borne no weight upon her broken joint.
We all knew it to be the power of God, and almost felt to shout Hosanna!
to think our beloved sister was again sound in limb and able to walk. But
in the midst of our joys then, oh, how many sorrows to us the future had
yet to disclose. I now thought of what was so often said by both enemies
and friends, in my native town, and felt that now my sister was healed all
that would be needed for their conversion was for me to go and tell it to
them. But all this proved a great mistake, as I may farther on relate.

After working with Brother Powell a few months as apprentice, he
broke up business, and 1 sought employment in running a sawmill,
carpentering, etc., until winter. Meanwhile many of the members of Zion's
Camp were returning home, among whom was my brother, Seth, Lyman
R. and A. W. Babbitt. My brother, Seth, returned quite feeble in health,
having nearly died of cholera, of which a number of the brethren had died
in Missouri. Yet he felt as he always did that he must be useful, and
although weak in body he engaged to teach a large school in the town of
Willoughby, a few miles from Kirtland. Here he taught while I attended
school in Kirtland until February when failing health compelled him to
return home. Here all was solicitude--our beloved brother had come
home, perhaps to die— a brother beloved by all who knew him, of whom
no unkind word was ever known to be spoken; by me more than beloved,
almost worshipped! Must he--could he die and leave us? Oh the cruel
agony of such bereavement to the young, to whom in such sorrows, life

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appears so long and lonesome. But after all our anxieties, prayers and
tears, in the midst of his testimonies to us and blessings upon us he died
February 19, 1835. And even now, that 1 am growing old, and the time is
hastening when I may, if faithful, meet and greet the departed, yet in
calling back this and other bereavements of my youth, my heart again
swells with emotion and my eyes become blind with tears. Yet there was
one consolation that the Lord had reserved for me, relating to this
brother that I will relate:

During his sickness a personage appeared to him and told him that had
he retained his faith and his desire to live, there was a work for him to do
on earth, but that it was all well, for a greater work was now awaiting
him, and that the Lord would raise up another to do his earthly work. But
the idea, that another was to do his work, and perhaps take his blessings,
was not consoling to me. And it grieved me much when the members of
Zion's Camp came forward for their blessings, to think that another might
step in and take the blessing of one who had gone forth in feeble health
and had shortened his days by his self sacrifice. But I had not long to wait
for comfort.

In the spring of 1835 before I was baptized, my mother and all her
children met at the house of my sister, Delcena Sherman, to receive from
Patriarch loseph Smith, Sr., our patriarchal blessings. He blessed all
according to age until be came to Joseph E. and myself, when he placed
his hands first upon my head. My mother told him I was the youngest, but
he said that mattered not--to me was the first blessing; and in blessing
me, among other great and glorious things, he told me the Lord would call
me to do the work of brother Seth, who had been called away by death. In
this promise there was to me more joy than ever before I had known; my
dear brother was not to be robbed of his blessings, and if I could only live

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faithfully his work would be done, and I should do it for him. I felt this
was the greatest boon the Lord could bestow upon me.

Soon after this, I overstepped my father's objections and was baptized
by Elder Lyman Johnson. My sister Julia was now married to Elder A. W.
Babbitt, and I will relate here one item pertaining to him. The Prophet
Joseph, in blessing him as one of Zion's Camp, told him of much good he
would do in preaching the gospel, and how the hearts of people would be
drawn towards him, and the greatness to which he would attain, etc., but
that he would at last be overpowered and fall by the hand of an enemy.
This Brother Babbitt also saw in a dream, which he related some years
previous to his death.

My blessing from Father Smith was to be realized in spiritual
ministrations and labors, while Joseph E.'s blessing related to the
greatness of his work in temporal things.

Owing to my father's continued unbelief, opposition to the truth, and
intemperance, it was deemed better that he should live apart from the
family, to which he consented. He bought him a place in the adjoining
town of Mentor, where one of my sisters would keep house for him, and
where the younger children often went for a time to stay, and where I
spent a part of my time.

At this period, upon my mother rested the responsibility of providing
for the family, consisting of three boys and two girls younger than me,
and my sisters, Nancy, Almera and Susan, who were older. With their
assistance she commenced the manufacture of stocks, a fine article of
men's neckwear, and of palm leaf hats, then just coming into use, both of

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which they supplied to the merchants, and thereby obtained a
comfortable livelihood.

At this particular period the [Kirtland] Temple was progressing, the
Quorums of the Twelve and Seventies were organized, and the first elders
were being sent out. Brother A W. Babbitt had already returned from a
very successful mission in New York. Returning to his field of labor he
invited me to accompany him to my native town in the same state, which 1
was very anxious to do, as I had not forgotten how all our neighbors had
promised to believe and obey the Gospel if my sister Nancy should ever
again be able to walk. I knew she had been healed by the power of God,
and 1 thought it only necessary that 1 should go and tell them so, and all
would at once be converted. But it would require money to go with, which
it was almost impossible to obtain in Kirtland. About all the circulating
medium among the Saints was the "Kirtland Scrip," signed by the Prophet
Joseph and others, which originated in the "Kirtland Bank." Of this "scrip"
1 had procured as much as would be needed for my expenses for the
journey, but no one would think of giving coin in exchange except at a
great discount, and that would leave my amount too small. So after
pondering the matter for a time in great anxiety, I took my scrip to the
Prophet Joseph, told him where I wanted to go, and asked if he would give
me money in place of it. He said, "Yes, Bennie, 1 will. It is right for you to
go." And he comforted and blessed me, and his words made me more
joyful than did the money, which I so much desired, and in other ways I
now began to be better acquainted and more familiar with him.

The forepart of October [1835] 1 started with Brother Babbitt to visit
my native place, designing to take steamboat at Fairport for Dunkirk, but
storms were rising, and fearful of the waters we traveled through mud
and storm on foot over 150 miles to the place of my birth. I had been

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absent about two years and a half, and although my old companions and
neighbors seemed glad to see me, 1 soon learned that they were not so
anxious to see me as 1 had been to visit them. When 1 told them my sister
was healed, and that it was by the power of God, all interest seemed dead,
and they felt no desire to talk upon the subject. After a few days of
disappointment and chagrin, disgusted at my overanxiety to visit them
and my misplaced confidence in their sincerity, 1 took steamboat at
Dunkirk and gladly returned home.

In the following winter [1835-1836] I attended the "School of the
Prophets" with the Prophet and most of the first elders of the Church,
where was first taught the Lectures on Faith, as contained in the Doctrine
and Covenants, and grammar was taught by Elder William E. McLellin. I
also attended an evening class in geography in which I rapidly acquired
the elements of that study, which inspired in me a thirst for history and
other reading.

But about the 1st of March of this year, my sister Susan, about twenty-
two years of age, was taken suddenly ill, vomiting blood. All possible was
done for her, that the loving sympathy of kindred, friends and physicians
could suggest, but without avail. She lingered but a few days and died as
she had lived, faithful to her religion. Just before death she called each of
us to her bed, bore to us her testimony of the truth of the gospel, told us
to be faithful to its trusts, bade us farewell, and fell asleep March 16,
1836. Such bereavements come with crushing weight. So much sickness
and death tended not only to keep us as a family limited in means, but no
doubt the more prompted us in humility to seek the Lord.

Previous to the dedication of the Temple on the 27th of March, 1836,
all who had labored upon it were called together, and in the public

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congregation received their blessings under the hands of the First
Presidency. I had attended all the meetings, listened to the blessings
given, and felt a great joy in these prophetic words that filled and thrilled
me. Yet all the time I was thinking that these blessings would only be for
those who had labored with their hands upon the Temple, and as I had
not myself worked upon it, not being strong enough for such labor I
would not receive any blessing, and it grieved me exceedingly to think
that perhaps through my neglect 1 was to be deprived of that which to me
appeared of more worth than all earthly things. When on the last day of
blessings, I was standing by the door in the crowded congregation, and
oh! how I did yearn for a blessing! And as the last blessing, apparently,
was given, the Prophet earnestly looked towards the door where 1 was
standing, and said to his brother Hyrum, "Go and see if there is not one
more yet to be blessed." Brother Hyrum came to the door, and seeing me,
put his hand upon my shoulder and asked me if I had not worked upon
the Temple. I said. No sir," but it seemed Hke passing a sentence upon my
fondest hopes. He then asked if 1 had done nothing towards it. 1 then
thought of a new gun 1 had earned and given as a donation, and of the
brick I had helped to make. I said, "I did give often." "I thought," he said,
"there was a blessing for you," and he almost carried me to the stand. The
Prophet blessed me, with a confirmation of all his father had sealed upon
me, and many more also. 1 felt then that the Lord had respect for my great
desire. Even to be the youngest and last to be blessed seemed to me a
high privilege. When the Prophet had looked towards the door, I felt as
though he would call for me, though I could not see how I had merited so
high a privilege. But so it was, and my joy was full.

1 attended the dedication of the [Kirtland] Temple and all subsequent
public meetings. I knew of the endowments received by the elders, and
learned of the ministering of the angels at the time of their appearance in

19

the Temple; but as I had not yet received the priesthood I did not receive
the higher blessings. Greatly now was the power of God manifested in the
gifts of the gospel, and a general joy pervaded the hearts of the Saints.

About this time measles and whooping cough spread through the town,
with which my brother, then eight years of age, came nigh unto death, his
condition appearing hopeless. My father brought to see him two
professors from Willoughby Medical College. They examined him, and in
great gravity whispered together, and without one word of
encouragement left a vial containing some powerful drug to be given as
an experiment. My mother had sent for the Elders and as soon as the
doctors left, Brother Bosley and others came in. My mother said the
doctors had given no hope but had left the vial of medicine, which she
handed to Father Bosley, who threw it out of the window. He then
administered to my brother, commanding him to be made whole, which
he was, from that hour. When the physicians returned they looked with
surprise to see so great a change, and were taking great credit to
themselves, but when told their medicine was thrown out of the window,
and that my brother had been healed by the power of God they were
greatly chagrined, but made no attempt to deny it. I mention the above as
one instance among many that were so common among the Saints in the
early history of the Church.

In the course of that year, the Egyptian mummies were bought from
Mr. Chandler, by whom they were received from Egypt. Great was our
wonder in looking upon the bodies of those who, 4,000 years ago, were
living princes and queens. And when the writings of Abraham upon
papyrus, which accompanied them were taken from its ancient casket, it
seemed marvelous indeed. And all rejoiced when the Prophet told us

20

these writings would be translated, which are now, in part, in the Pearl of
Great Price.

It is proper here to say that up to this period from our commencement
to settle at Kirtland, there had been by our enemies one continual
persecution of the Prophet and contempt for the Saints and their religion.
And such was their opposition and hatred towards the Temple during its
construction, that it had to be guarded, not only by night but also by day;
and the laborers upon its walls, while with one hand they held the
hammer or trowel were always ready with the other to grasp the sword.
Much of my time in boyhood was spent in assisting to prepare arms for
the protection of the Saints. The lower story of my mother's house in
Kirtland was at that time used by Brother M. C. Davis as a gunsmith shop,
for the manufacture of defensive weapons for the use of the people.

Previous to this period occurred the great exploit of D. P. Hurlburt of
Spaulding Manuscript notoriety. He was called "doctor" from his being
the seventh son of his mother. He was of a conceited, ambitious and
ostentatious turn with a degree of education, but of a low moral status. He
had been baptized, ordained, and sent eastward with others, to preach
the gospel. He labored for a time near Jacksonville, Erie County,
Pennsylvania, but was soon for illicit association called back to Kirtland,
where he was excommunicated, but afterwards rebaptized. He soon
became enamored or greatly in love with Electra, sister of E. R. Sherman,
and because she despised him for his immorality and rejected his suit he
swore revenge upon the whole community and boastfully declared he
would destroy the church. While preaching about Jacksonville he had
learned of Solomon Spaulding, who once lived in that vicinity, and had
written a romance called "Manuscript Found," and out of this he hoped to
gain notoriety, obtain money, and work his spite upon the Mormons. So

21

he gave notice to our enemies that he had struck a lead to destroy
Mormonism, and if they would come together he would tell them where
"Joe Smith" got his "Mormon Bible." He soon collected around him the
congregations of our enemies, and in pert and pompous style told them
the tale he had concocted of the "Manuscript Found," which of course was
good enough when they could get nothing better. And so they readily
advanced him means to hunt up the manuscript, and were greatly in
hopes that now Mormonism would be at an end. But to all of them it was
a failure, but not to Hurlburt, for he had their money.

Soon afterward by them all he was most cordially despised. One
circumstance 1 relate to more fully show his character. In the township of
Mentor near where my father then was, lived an aged man named
Randall. He was one of the wealthiest citizens and a great enemy of the
Mormons. Soon after starting his anti-Mormon crusade, Hurlburt had
married, and Randall had not only donated liberally but had taken
Hurlburt and wife to his own house for a home. But when their disgust at
his doings became so evident to him, he saw no more money would come
from his dupes, and so he in connection with his wife, put up a job on the
old man, and drew him into a woman snare, from which they would not
release him until after payment of $500. With this money, despised and
hated by all parties, he left that vicinity. 1 then occupied a position
through which 1 could obtain accurate knowledge of all that transpired on
both sides; my father being regarded as an opposer, knew all their
secrets, none of which did he withhold from me; and as Hurlburt had
boarded at my mother's, I had good opportunity as well as reason for
watching his course.

In the early fall of 1836 another wave of sorrow and bereavement was
gathering to burst upon us. Nancy, my eldest sister, who had ministered

22

to US in infancy and childhood, who had taught us our first lessons both in
the Sabbath and day schools, who had ever been as both mother and
sister, always self-sacrificing, and uncomplaining through all the period of
her lameness and feeble health, seemed now fading away in consumption.
After all our previous bereavements, could we again endure this, another
severe and crushing blow? And now just as I was approaching manhood, I
seemed to come face to face with the great problem, whether as a family
we were not all to die of the same disease consumption, by which three
had already gone, and another fast sinking! She continued to sink until
the 30th of October, when, like others, she bade us all adieu, leaving us
her life's example as a testimony to the truth of the gospel.

Everything now seemed to confirm the idea of a short life for myself, if
not for all my father's children. My muscular powers were small, and
though large in vitality I had but small physical endurance. Through close
application to my shopwork and long readings at night, I became
effeminate and weak, and some influence like the whisper of the Evil One
was always saying in my ear, "You are doomed to die young." At times I
would remember the promises made by Father Smith in my patriarchal
blessing, and the blessing of the Prophet upon my head, and a desire to
live and fulfill them, and to preach the Gospel would enthuse my whole
being. Then the Evil Power would tell me all these blessings were
forfeited, for through wild shopmate associates while away from home, I
had been led into temptation, which brought me sorrow and repentance
before the Lord. But under no circumstances had I ever failed to stand
firm in the defense of our religion.

After the death of my two sisters, my mother was unable to continue
her business in town, and concluded, with my brother Joseph in charge, to
move out about a mile upon a farm. In November, 1836, the Kirtland Bank

23

began to develop; the Temple was completed, and a large town was being
built, by the gathering Saints. A wave of speculation was spreading over
the nation, and it seemed the spirit of it was caught by the Saints. The
revelation in which God had given but five years of safety in Kirtland for
the Saints, in which to build the Temple and obtain their blessings had
been forgotten, and all appeared to feel that Kirtland was to become and
remain a great center of business and religious interest for the future. But
the Lord had other and greater purposes in view, one of which seemed to
be to show us the weakness of human wisdom, and the folly of our
idolatry, by bringing us to see our idols crumble in our hands. [Apostasy]
At this time, town property and real estate went up to almost fabulous
prices, and a general rush was made into business of all kinds. Members
of the Quorum of the Twelve and Elders on missions hastened home,
bringing merchandise and means for general trade, while the Kirtland
Bank issued its paper apparently with full confidence in the future. Goods
were sold upon credit with great hope of better times; and "Why be
deprived of luxury and fashion today," seemed to be the spirit of the hour.
But when goods bought on credit were to be paid for, and notes became
due for lands bought at great prices, then began a reaction.
Disappointment engendered feelings which reacted upon fellowship, and
men in high places began to complain of and reproach each other, and
brotherly love was found smothered by the love of the world. The Bank
having issued its currency in the same confidence now began to
comprehend that its specie vaults were empty, with no possibility to
realize upon collateral to replenish them. The spirit of charity was not
invoked, and brethren who had borne the highest priesthood and who
had for years labored, traveled, ministered and suffered together, and
even placed their lives upon the same altar, now were governed by a
feeling of hate and a spirit to accuse each other, and all for the love of
Accursed Mammon. All their former companionship in the holy anointing

24

in the Temple of the Lord, where filled with the Holy Ghost, the heavens
were opened, and in view of the glories before them they had together
shouted "Hosanna to God and the Lamb," all was now forgotten by many,
who were like Judas, ready to sell or destroy the Prophet Joseph and his
followers. And it almost seemed to me that the brightest stars in our
firmament had fallen. Many to whom I had in the past most loved to
listen, their voices seemed now the most discordant and hateful to me.
From the Quorum of the Twelve fell four of the brightest: William E.
McLellin, Luke and Lyman Johnson and John Boyington [Boynton] of the
First Presidency, F. G. Williams; the three Witnesses to the Book of
Mormon, Oliver Cowdery, David Whitmer and Martin Harris. Of other
very prominent elders were Sylvester Smith, Warren Cowdery, Warren
Parrish, Joseph Coe and many others who apostatized or became enemies
to the Prophet. I was then nineteen years of age, and as I now look back
through more than fifty years of subsequent experience, to that first great
Apostasy, I regard it as the greatest sorrow, disappointment and test
through which 1 have ever passed; the first real experience among false
brethren, the greatest sorrow and test for the faithful. But with all my
faults I did not forget the Lord nor His chosen servants. And in this day of
great affliction and separation by apostasy, I felt to call mightily upon His
name, that He would never leave me to follow these examples, but that He
would keep me humble, even though in poverty and affliction, so only
that 1 fail not. This prayer of my youth 1 have never forgotten, neither do I
feel that it is forgotten by Him to whom it was made.

In the summer of 1837 through failing health, I had left my
employment and returned to my mother's and there was a season of
great scarcity for the poor in Kirtland. A great financial crisis had come,
and money could not be obtained. The Kirtland Bank, with all the
"Wildcat" banks of the country went down. To make our Mormon bank

25

odious to our enemies and entail disgrace on the Prophet, as he was the
president of the institution, the cashier, and secretary, Williams and
Parrish signed and issued a large amount of bank notes to runners, with
which to swindle the more ignorant people of the country, the disgrace of
which did not follow its perpetrators (who had apostatized) but the
Prophet and those who remained with him, true to the great cause.

The split in the Church was now so great, with the principal wealth on
the side of our enemies, that they claimed the Temple, printing office, and
ever5^hing regarded as church property. Writs were out for the Prophet
and others for all public debts. So in midwinter with his father, Hyrum,
and a few others he started as best he could for the far west. The printing
office and material which our enemies thought to use to bolster up a
church organization opposed to the Prophet was set on fire by Brother
Lyman R. Sherman and destroyed. Those faithful to Joseph made all
possible haste to follow him to the west. My mother and all of her
children were of that number. But the same feeling still followed me that 1
was fated to die young, and should I start would not live to perform the
journey. My anxieties at that time were not from a fear to die nor from a
great desire to live, but there was a feeling almost akin to horror in the
thought that my name would be blotted out from the living. And like
Jeptha's daughter 1 felt to "bewail" an early death. Often 1 have felt to tell
the Lord that if He would spare my life to see one son who would bear my
name after me in honor to him, I would promise to die without regret;
and it seemed that every ambition, hope or inspiration for life was
swallowed up in that one desire.

In the early spring of 1838 an effort was made by the local authorities
to draw the line of fellowship on practices which then seemed tending to
demoralize, among which was dancing and late night associations, to

26

which Httle heed was paid; and soon a long hst of names was left with the
High Council to be dealt with, and notice was given to each by its clerk. 1
had never danced, and rarely attended a party, but from some cause my
name was in the list, and I received notice to appear and answer. I
answered by letter in a spirit of meekness, and said I wished to live as a
L.D. Saint but was not satisfied with my present baptism, and if they felt it
right to drop my name it would be satisfactory to me, for 1 would take an
early opportunity to come in again by baptism. Feeling truly humble this
spirit was conveyed to the hearts of the council, and they said Brother
Benjamin's letter was satisfactory and carried with it a purpose to be a
true L. D. Saint.

1 now felt great anxiety that the way would open that my mother and
the children (three brothers and two sisters younger than myself, with
my brother Joseph who was past fifteen months older, and about twenty
years of age} might obtain an outfit, for the journey was now my greatest
desire. My brother Joel owned a sawmill with land and other property,
and my mother owned quite a good farm, but now all real estate was as
worthless as it had the year before been valuable, but with hope and
increasing faith we all worked with our mights to prepare for a start the
coming season to the west. By the 4th of July we had obtained just teams
and wagons enough to carry the families of my mother and oldest brother
with their beds and company outfit. To facilitate the matter all their most
valuable furniture and goods had been shipped by water, to go by St.
Louis up the Missouri River to Richmond, Ray County, Missouri.

27

Chapter THREE TROUBLE IN MISSOURI

Up to this time I had not concluded to go with them, fearing my poor
health might make me a burden on the way. I felt it would be better to
stay with my father and my sister Almera, who was married and living
near my father in Mentor, and was likely to remain for a year or more. So,
while lending all aid possible and assisting in their starting with the
company 1 was not expecting to go with them; and not until they had
started, and some refractory stock to be driven made it necessary for me
to go with them for a distance, did I resolve to go.

As soon as this resolution was formed, a new faith and feeling sprang
up in my heart, and I felt that the Lord had heard my prayers. I felt sure I
was not soon to die, a dark cloud rolled from over me and a great weight
from my heart; and to all in camp it was surprising to see how fast I
increased in health and ability to assist in our camp life. But to none was
it so great a surprise as to me, and 1 felt in my heart to thank God and to
devote myself to doing all the good in my power. In starting we had
joined what has since been known as the "Kirtland Poor Camp," called so
from the fact that the wealthy had apostatized, and those who had means
enough got an early start; while the poor, by all journeying together could
make an outfit and travel with much less expense.

Our start was on the 4th of July, 1838. The company consisted of over
60 wagons and near 400 souls, organized under the direction and
leadership of President Joseph Young, Elias Smith, Jonathan Dunham and
others. All means for defraying expenses were put together, and so all
were to fare alike, and did so long as they remained in camp together.

28

So large a company, poor in appearance, and known to be Mormons,
passing through the country where runners with Kirtland money had
swindled the people, caused us to be more or less objects of contempt and
persecution, and in a number of towns writs were served upon our
leaders to compel a redemption of Kirtland bank notes. But the blessing
of the Lord was with us, and there was always a way open for escape, and
friends always at hand just in time of need. So in a good degree of comfort
we arrived at Dayton, Ohio, where, as means to defray expenses began to
be short, it was deemed better to obtain work on a public road then being
constructed. So we remained there one month, in which time I went twice
to Cincinnati to visit my kindred and do business for the company. On
returning from my last visit 1 found much sickness in camp, and some
deaths had already occurred. The wife of Benjamin Willey had died and
Brother Willey was very sick, also some children. So much sickness in my
mother's family, and so much ill health myself, had made me acquainted
with nursing the sick, and in some degree the use of medicine, with which
1 had commenced in a small way to deal, and to read medical works. And
as I had now become well and strong physically 1 adopted the sick as my
especial charge. Brother Willis appeared nigh unto death with typhoid
malarial fever, and on traveling through the day but little could be done
for him, but at night 1 gave him my undivided and sleepless attention. For
three weeks in this manner 1 did care for and nurse the sick by night and
travel on foot by day, only obtaining sleep by the roadside as 1 got in
advance of the company, or while feeding the teams at noon. Often did I
carry my little chest of family medicines and other small articles of trade
to exchange for butter, eggs, chickens and fruit, and anything suited to the
appetites of the sick and feeble. Such was the increase of my health and
hopes that 1 felt that 1 could do or endure anything to prove my gratitude
to the Lord, for His blessings.

29

In our traveling I was often ahead or behind the company, and so was
Uable to be interrogated as to who we were and where we were going,
etc., and this afforded me just the experience I needed, and my answers
and testimonies were never wanting. I often found myself surrounded by
large numbers of both priests and people, but never was I insulted nor
abused. On one occasion while passing through a town of considerable
size in western Ohio, 1 stopped before a large tavern to answer a question.
I was covered with dust, without a coat, and barefoot, and feeling
mortified at my appearance wished to hurry on, but other questions were
asked and I could not leave them unanswered, until I forgot to answer
one question at a time and commenced to talk, and as I proceeded the
people gathered, and when 1 ceased and looked around there were
hundreds before me and all windows were open on both sides of the
street, and crowded with listening women; and all appeared to wonder at
the dirty, barefooted boy. But no one marveled more than myself, and it
was near night when I left them and had eleven miles to walk to camp.
The next day being Sunday, a number of carriage loads of people came
from town to our meeting in camp, stayed for a time and inquired for the
young man who had preached to them in town the day before, of which
no one knew an3^hing. I saw them come and go again but was too bashful
to attract their notice or speak to them. Such evidences of the favor of the
Lord, through which, by the power of His spirit 1 could bear a faithful
testimony to the world was of great worth and comfort to me. In this
manner we journeyed, and about the first of October arrived near
Springfield, Illinois, where Samuel Hale and wife (parents of Mary Ann,
who afterwards became my second wife) were taken sick, and Brother
Hale soon died. It was deemed best that my elder brothers, joel and
Joseph, my mother and their families should remain there until the
following season. Here Sister Hale also died, leaving Mary Ann, their only
child, then some 10 years old, with my mother.

30

But I felt like going to the front, where 1 could again see and hear the
Prophet. On the 13th of October we crossed the Mississippi at Louisiana,
and began to hear of great troubles among the Mormons at Far West, and
we were warned of the great danger of proceeding, but our camp was
only stirred to greater desire to go on. Here I remembered my former
purpose to renew my covenant by baptism, and as one of my associates,
D. D. McArthur, was to be baptized, 1 went with him and was baptized by
Henry Hariman. [Harriman]

About the 20th of October we camped at Haun's Mill, where President
Joseph Young remained with his family and where the terrible massacre
took place later. Here was massacred in cold blood, and in the most
fiendish manner about twenty persons, from eight to eighty years of age,
besides many men and women wounded, most of them my acquaintances
and friends. One, [Thomas] McBride, a Revolutionary soldier of eighty
years, was shot down with his own gun, and while begging for life was
chopped to pieces with a corn cutter, or large front portion of a scythe,
used by one Rogers as a sword. To this particular I may again allude.

On approaching Far West we were met by the Prophet, who came out
to meet us, and 1 felt joy in seeing him again. As my sisters, Delcena and
Julia, wives of L. R. Sherman and A. W. Babbitt, were both living in Far
West, I had expected to remain there also, but I was counseled by the
Prophet to proceed to [Adam-ondi-Ahman] Diahman to assist with others
in strengthening that place against mobs gathering there from the
adjoining counties.

On our arrival at Diahman, our camp was pitched upon the town plat
which had just been surveyed by direction of the Prophet, and of course

31

each one was anxious to obtain the most ehgible, or first choice of lots. As
I was young and unmarried my choice would come near the last under
the rule of "oldest served first." So when it was my choice 1 found 1 must
take the top lot on the promontory overlooking the Grand River valley, or
go farther away and lower down than I wished to. So I chose the upper,
which at first appeared rocky, but which made the other lots appear
almost enviable. When, after a few days, the Prophet accompanied us to
this spot, and pointed out those rocks as the ones of which Adam built an
altar and offered sacrifice upon this spot, where he stood and blessed the
multitude of his children, when they called him Michael, and where he
will again sit as the Ancient of Days, then I was not envious of anyone's
choice for a city lot in Adam-ondi-Ahman. Yet 1 would not have it inferred
that my inheritance there, or those given me elsewhere are to be
especially guaranteed to have in future.

At Diahmon I was now without money, kindred or home. All means I
could procure had been spent in comforts for the sick; 1 had not even a
blanket and only a small supply of warm clothing for approaching cold
weather.

On my arrival I was at once introduced into active duties, on guard at
night, and in scouting by day or raiding upon the enemy, as the case might
require. 1 was now nineteen years of age and in the flush of manhood. Too
proud and bashful to make my wants known, or to accept gratuitous
favors offered me, many nights I laid in freezing weather with nothing
under or over me but the hay in the loft on which I slept. Many nights did
1 remain by the guard fire alternating between a roasting and freezing
condition, as I changed sides to or from the fire, until the mother of
President George A. Smith, who was always kind to me, learning my

32

condition, came to the log barn in which I slept and gave me a nice warm
quilt, which owing to the circumstances 1 shall never forget.

Soon the Prophet came to Diahmon and called for me to come and
board at Brother Sloan's, the place at which he stayed.

But times began fast to change; the people who lived around within
miles of town had all fled; and all the Saints who had bought farms
through the more northern portion of the country or elsewhere were now
flocking into town, some of them bringing little more than their lives. It
being now November and very cold for the season, a heavy snowstorm
came upon many families with nothing but brush as a shelter, for the
aged, or the sick or the mother with her babes. In this terrible condition
some children were born. This to me was an appalling condition, but a
condition still worse was upon us, for we were being hemmed in on all
sides by our enemies and were without food. All the grain, cattle, hogs,
and supplies of every kind were left in the country, or so far from home
they could not be obtained except with a strong guard. So our only
possible chance was to go out in foraging companies and bring in what
ever we could find, without regard to ownership; and in this way corn,
beef, cattle, hogs, bee stands, chickens, etc., with anj^hing and everything
left in the country that would sustain a thousand people, we took
wherever it was found. Thus we did our best, to obtain food, dividing it as
was needed.

At one time when away on horseback, stopping to arrange saddle and
pack, 1 was left behind by my party, and in my haste 1 made more delay;
and when my company was about half a mile ahead, two shots were fired
at me from the edge of the woods not far from where I stood, but I got

33

safely away with all that I had proposed to carry from the deserted house
of one of our enemies.

At this time the Saints seemed sanguine of our success in standing off
all mobs and of ultimate triumph over our enemies in Missouri. But with
me it was different, for although I took hold earnestly to fill every calling
and to brave danger, yet it was with a constant assurance in my own
mind, seemingly prophetic, that we would be overcome by our enemies.

Coming one morning just at daylight from off picket duty I saw a squad
of brethren, among whom was my then intimate friend and bosom
companion, W. D. Huntington, brother of Sister Zina D., and 1 asked where
they were going, but he only took time to say, "Come and see." So without
food other than a piece of corn cake or "dodger" as it was then termed,
and after an all-night guard and fast, I started upon a two-year-old colt
which by some circumstance I had got astride of, and fell into rank with a
company of near twenty mounted men, with Cornelius P. Lot as our
Captain. I soon learned our destination was to Taylor's on Grand River,
about nine miles above, where it was said arms and ammunition were
held for the use of the mob. On arriving opposite the houses, which were
on the river bank, we saw a commotion, and persons step back into the
cornfield which was close by. We hastily crossed the river, surrounded
the house, and myself with others, went for those who had fled. One man I
saw and followed, and as he dodged behind a large oak stub, Alex.
Williams came on one side as I came on the other. Thus we caught him. It
was the first prisoner I had ever assisted to take, and I learned something
of the influence of fear upon the human heart; for as we put our hands
upon his shoulders there was such a look of expectant death, and such
begging for his life, and then to see a fine looking married man so filled
with fear that he sank upon the ground. This was one of the Taylors to

34

whom again I may refer. But we calmed his fears, told him for what
purpose we had come, and that if there really were no arms or
ammunition stored there to be used against us, we should leave them as
we found them; but if we found they had those things we would burn
them out. There were two men with a number of women and children,
and all affirmed that there was nothing of the kind there. After a thorough
search of houses, barns, etc., our captain ordered a search in the
cornfields to hunt the cornshocks, which soon resulted in the discovery of
arms and ammunition and of their falsehoods. The females hastily took
from the houses what they could carry, and here I might say there was
almost a trial of my faith in my pity for our enemies, even those who were
plotting our destruction. Among the women was one, young married and
apparently near her confinement, and another with small children and
not a wagon, and many miles away from any of their friends, and snow
had begun already (in November) [probably October] to fall. My
sympathies were drawn toward the women and children, but I would in
no degree let them deter me from duty. So while others were pillaging for
something to carry away, 1 was doing my best to protect, as far as
possible, the lives and comfort of the families who were dependent on
getting away upon horseback. When the horses were brought up for their
use, there was one animal with a side saddle, on which the young woman
was to get away; but it was taken away by one Sloan, who had kept the
boarding house where 1 stayed, a man of education and apparently a
gentleman. It was too much for me, so I took the animal away from him by
force, and put her upon it, and then got from another roll of homemade
cloth and fastened it on behind her. While others were doing the burning
and plunder, my mission was of mercy so far as duty would permit. But of
course 1 made enemies at home, and became more known by those who
were our avowed enemies. Before noon we had set all on and left upon a
circuitous route towards home. As yet I had had nothing to eat and was

35

much in need of food, and before starting went to a beehive and took in
the hollow of a half pumpkin some beautiful white comb honey, ate a little
as I went, looked at it and wished I might eat more, but as 1 could not, 1 set
it upon a stump, where I have many times thought of it through the 56
years that have since passed.

On our way home our company divided to scout in different directions,
and we soon came upon a fine looking band of horses following a brood
mare with a bell. As I was upon this two-year-old colt and wished one for
heavier service I thought it a good time to make trial to get one. So as a
comrade offered to take my gun and lead my animal by the halter, I took
the bridle and started with two others who volunteered to go with me for
the same purpose. It was now in the afternoon, and clouds were rising as
though it would rain, but we pushed with hope and earnestness for our
animals, who, like the ignis fatuus (will-o'-the-wisp) were always just
ahead but never to be overtaken and caught. Yet we followed until it
began to rain, and then we lost the track of our party and were lost. As it
grew dusk we hastened, but failed to find our way or trail. After dark we
struck a trail which we followed for miles, nearing a large body of timber,
and knowing that there was a mob gathering on what was called the
grindstone, and fearing we were going in that direction, we halted. As one
of our party had a flintlock musket we managed by care to get a light
started with it, in the trail we were following, and soon discovered that
our party had not passed that way. I felt sure we were going in the wrong
direction and said we must take another direction. I extinguished the fire,
and as I did so and we turned our course we heard but a few rods behind
us a party of horsemen who galloped off another direction, which proved
we were near the mob encampment. We found and followed another trail
until near midnight, and I became so weary and faint through want of
sleep and food, I felt I should soon be compelled to stop. We were in some

36

creek bottom among the timber, and soon came to a clearing with a
number of houses. There being no moon and cloudy it was very dark and
their outlines could barely be discerned. We drew near with great caution
and seeing no evidence of life, I determined to ascertain if anyone was
there, and if so, to learn if we could get food and chance to rest. I told my
companions if anything befell me to come to the rescue, or go and report.
1 knocked at the first house but no answer; went to the next with same
result, and finding the third to be a barn 1 returned to the first and called
my companions. We found doors and windows barred, but forced an
entrance through a window. The first step after reaching the floor, I fell
headlong into a cellar under the floor, where a part of what were called
"puncheons," had been pulled up, with which to brace windows and door.
1 got out of the cellar, called my companions to bring their guns, by means
of which we soon succeeded in making a fire. On lighting up we found
some family had apparently just left, as nearly everything but beds,
clothing and food, was present. I soon had a fire and on a pile of deer
skins made me a bed, telling my companions that 1 could not watch, and
that we should perhaps be discovered before morning. And so, wet,
hungry and tired, and more dead than alive, I fell asleep. I had slept
perhaps a couple of hours when I was disturbed by some call that broke
upon my dead asleep but waking senses. "Who is there?" was repeated
again and again. More asleep than awake 1 answered, "Me!" "What's your
name?" came next, 1 said, "Benjamin F. Johnson." My name was passed
around the house and I knew we were surrounded. Directly I beard one of
the party say, "I know him," and he at once dismounted and came in. I saw
it was Brother John Butler, whose acquaintance I had made in a
snowstorm a few days before. When finding him one of our most valiant
men with nothing but some green cowhide on his feet as moccasins, I
gave him my only shoes that were of any value, and now as by special

37

providence had upon my feet a most excellent pair of new calfskin boots,
by which I felt 1 had been the greatest gainer.

We told Brother Butler how we came there and he said we were then
on the right road, but near nine miles from home. He had been out on
special commission and was riding the Prophet's black horse, "Charley."
He told his companions to return to Diahman, and that he would remain
with us, which he did. In the early morning he led the way some mile and
a half towards our enemies' camp, to the smoldering ruins of a house
apparently burned the day before to find something to eat. The only
things to be found were a pile of onions and a flock of chickens, one of
which we soon had boiling with onions in a stray dinner pot. But we did
not then, so near our enemies, feel great delicacy as to our cooking, for we
were governed by the idea of "eat to live" and we felt that the quicker we
could eat our chicken and onions and get from there the greater was our
chance to live; thus the onions were but half done and the chicken none
too tender. Close by was an old bell cow, and cattle scattered about on the
prairie; so while we were getting our breakfast, which was not long.
Brother Butler had taken a gourd shell with salt and commenced calling,
"Sook bos! sook bos!" The bell cow at once started for salt, with all the
cattle after her, and soon he was ahead on old Charley with a herd of
cattle following. As it went by us we fell in behind and followed to
Diahman. When within a mile or two we heard a firing of the cannon
which had that night arrived, having been taken from the mob and rooted
up by the old sow as related in history. Our animals, nearly forty head of
good beef cattle for our famishing people, was a godsend indeed, and so
regarded by all.

Here let me say that it should not be supposed, though we sought to
repel mob violence and were compelled to forage for food when hemmed

38

in on all sides by a mob who had driven us from homes they had sold to
us and been paid for, robbing us of everything but our lives and the little
we could carry away leaving our crops, stock and household goods to our
enemies, that we were common robbers because we took by reprisal that
with which to keep from starvation our women and children. Ours was a
struggle for our lives and homes, and a more conscientious, noble, and
patriotic spirit never enthused man than that which animated our leaders
in this just defense of our rights.

Word had come from Far West that all were now wanted there except
a home guard for Diahman, but being absent at the time I was not
enrolled with those to go. A few days later, now without a horse, 1 was
alone at night upon picket guard when word came of the surrender in Far
West.

My last night on guard at Diahman I have ever remembered as one of
the most lonesome and fearful of my whole life. 1 was down the Diahman
valley nearly two miles. The heavy dry grass which was up to my
shoulders was on fire on the side of the road opposite to the wind, which
was high and the flames reached apparently to the clouds. It required
great care to protect myself and to do my duty. About 2 o'clock I heard
the sound of coming wagons and felt almost certain that a division of the
mob was approaching. In order to be more safe 1 went from the open
toward the wood and brush-covered ground to meet them, and on hailing
found to my great joy it was some families of our own die just coming in.
General Wilson soon arrived with his 700 mob militia every man in
Diahman was marshaled into rank and shed with all arms into Wilson's
camp, where his soldiers were formed into an open square into which we
"ere marched, and at the word of command laid our arms inversely upon
the ground. We were then, under guard, marched out upon the street to

39

be insulted, abused and taunted by our enemies. As I was marching with
others, one of the Taylors, whose place 1 had seen burned, came up to me
in company with Col. Sashed [Sashel] Woods, of Dewitt fame, and said
while pointing to me, "This is one of the men who burnt my father's
place." Colonel Wood looked at me and asked if it was so. I answered,
"Yes, sir." He drew his sword and pointing in the direction of Wilson's
camp bade me march with quick step, which 1 did at the sword's point, to
the General's marquee. Here I was at once put under strong guard, a
prisoner in General Wilson's camp. I was now twenty years of age, over
six feet in height, reticent and somewhat genteel in dress and
deportment, and although not robust in habit or appearance, I could feel
that where there was culture and refinement, my appearance
commanded respect and pity. With the ignorant Missouri barbarians,
however, I was a hated Yankee, and the subject for every insult. With few
exceptions my guard was of the latter class.

The next afternoon 1 was to be brought before Adam Black, justice of
the peace, a pronounced and bitter mobocrat of that precinct. Previous to
this the State's Attorney (his name forgotten) from St. Louis, who had
accompanied General Wilson, came to see and question me. He was
accompanied by Dr. Carr of Gallatin, who made the first speech in that
county to drive out the Mormons. Both questioned me closely over and
over again to learn if possible who were our leaders in Diahman, and who
led the party at the burning of Taylor's place. I had been trained to revere
and tell the truth, and in my heart I felt earnestly to pray that my answers
might not implicate any of my brethren. It seems that wisdom was given
me, and a great strength of memory, so that in answering a question once
1 did not forget the answer or explanation 1 had given; and when 1 was
pressed to tell who was the man who led us to Taylor's. I told them I had
but just come to the place, and had made few acquaintances, but had

40

heard the man called Captain Cornelius, it being Cornelius P. Lot. They
had also questioned the Taylors, and learned how 1 had treated them as
prisoners, and had assisted the women, and even quarreled with my own
companions for their sake. All these things this attorney and Dr. Carr
drew out privately. About the third time they called to cross question me,
their feelings appeared to change greatly, and they said to me in a kindly
spirit, "Now young man, we have questioned you over and again, and you
have given us always the same answer, and in no way have you
contradicted your statement. We believe you tell the truth, and have been
raised an honorable man. We know you are in a very bad fix here, and
apparently but little hope for escape from conviction. You are the only
prisoner here, and the chances for you are the worse, as there is much
expectation in the army here as at Far West of bloody revenge. If you are
the only one to answer for all the burnings and raids upon the old settlers
then your case is bad indeed. But we are your friends, and unasked will
do all in our power to save you."

In the picture they drew there was a terror, in the hatred of our
enemies. The army there supposed all our leaders at Far West had been
shot according to military decree, and they had come to Diahman full of
the idea of vengeance in Mormon blood. This I was made plainly to feel
through the guard placed over me at night, of four men who were relieved
every two hours. One relief was composed of Haun's Mill murderers,
including the fiend, Rogers, who killed Father McBride with the corn
cutter, by cutting off his fingers, hands, arms, and then splitting his head.
That same corn cutter, still crimson with blood, hardly dry, was swung
over my head once and again, with boasting of what it had done and what
it would yet do, and with oaths and cursings picturing the fate that
awaited me. No fancied horror could equal the real horror of the presence
and words of those fiends; and I have ever felt that their presence and

41

their words, with the corn cutter covered with blood, was the most
terrible ordeal through which 1 have passed. Yet it was not the fear of
their killing me, for 1 could think upon death calmly; but it was a
something that grew out of being with and subject to those monsters: so
much worse than the vulture to the giant pinioned to the rock, that there
are no words to express it.

The snow was now nearly a foot deep, and it stormed almost
constantly for days in succession, through all of which, during a period of
eight days, I was a prisoner. I had no overcoat or blanket, and not even a
stool upon which to sit. There was hazel and other brush around the
camp fire, which one relief of the guard, more humane, gave me the
privilege to cut and make a pile upon which 1 sat or lay down. Of food I
have no remembrance of any ever being offered me, but there was one of
the camp messes near the guard fire with a negro cook, and he never
refused me the fragments he could pick up.

The second day after my arrest 1 was taken before Adam Black's court
in a log cabin near the camp. Here I found my two friends. At first I was
fearful of their purpose, but was soon convinced that the Lord had
touched their hearts with a feeling of friendship and pity. And here a new
feature inspired more fear or dread than the thought of death. 1 being the
only prisoner, and Daviess County not being in the same judicial district
with Far West, if committed by the magistrate I would be sent more than
100 miles in an opposite direction, to that of Richmond, where our
leaders were imprisoned. The mere thought of being taken so far away
alone to prison was indeed terrible, and even now after so many years, 1
realize that such was the dread associated with the idea of being among
strangers, to await trial alone in prison, that I would have chosen to go
with the Prophet, were it even to certain death, rather than go elsewhere

42

to be alone. The thought was a nightmare to me. I did not comprehend the
object of my two friends, but could see they desired to prevent ludge
Black from making a decree in my case. The court met again next day.
Justice Black being an ignorant Missourian, they had him so completely
entangled and befogged in matters of law, that seeing he could not
proceed as he wished he jumped up in anger and declared he would have
nothing more to do with the matter, and the military might do whatever
they pleased with me. He left the court, ordering the officers to take me to
the general's marquee, so I was soon returned to my guard. Now my great
fear was gone, but it was common talk that I was to be shot.

Often it was said to me, "Now if you would only give names of some
others and help to convict them you might go free." Feeling that 1 was a
great coward I sometimes pondered the matter and asked myself, "Which
would require the greatest bravery--to stand up like a man and be shot,
or like a dog live to be despised by all who loved me; to make my parents
who now loved me ashamed to own me, and my brothers and darling
sisters, to think how they would weep for my shame, also those who had
died and begged me to be faithful-could I endure such a living death?"
Every feeling within me responded, "No! I am too great a coward ever to
meet those I love, who are good and pure, and feel myself a traitor." My
whole soul gave the verdict that 1 would not save my life at such a price.
Many an hour while sitting upon my brush pile in the snow, did 1 picture
myself standing by some large trees or in some open space with the
weapons of death raised against me; and although my heart yearned for
its young and beautiful life, not once did it shrink, or in any way consent
to live in dishonor.

It was now understood that I was to be tried by court-martial. I saw
but little of my two friends, but in some way learned they had repeated

43

interviews with the general. I here relate one occurrence to give in a
degree a picture of myself and condition while a prisoner. 1 always sought
to keep a cheerful face, and would, when possible, draw my guard into
conversation. Generally they were young men. I sometimes got them to
sing, and often sang a song myself;and sometimes a guard would seem to
forget that I was a doomed Mormon, and would not say or do anything to
insult me. With others it would be the reverse, and no indignity was too
great, or insult too gross, to offer me.

The snow was now deep and the nights cold, and as it took much wood
to keep up a constant guard fire, the wood must be piled up by day for the
coming night. Soldiers were ordered out to cut the large maple and other
trees, and at times 1 had volunteered to help the guard carry up the wood;
and finally I began to be ordered to do so. To all this I complied cheerfully,
until one time I was ordered to march for wood, which I did--took a heavy
load upon my shoulders, and started for the guard fire. I was walking
slowly, for my load was heavy and the snow deep, when the guard behind
me ordered me with an oath to "step faster, or he would stick the bayonet
into me." Upon this a terrible revulsion of feeling came over me, and had I
been Samson, I should have felt no stronger. I threw down the load as if it
had been a straw, and raised my hand as I turned and confronted him. I
shook my fist, and told him 1 would not carry so much as another chip;
that if 1 had a sword 1 would split him from end to end. My voice was
earnest, and the Colonel just passing came quickly and asked me what
they were doing to me. I told him I was packing wood for the guard fire,
and the guard had threatened to bayonet me if I did not move faster, and
that 1 would pack no more wood. He turned to the guard, and with an
oath told him that if 1 was not from that time treated as a prisoner should
be that they should all be put under guard.

44

I had now been a prisoner six or seven days and the brethren had
returned from Far West. Our enemies were still very anxious to know
who were the raiders, and especially to arrest others who were with me
at Taylor's. There was also fear arising in the hearts of some of the
brethren, especially Brother Sloan, with whom I had differed when at
Taylor's. The brethren were now fearful that I would betray them to save
myself. At last they sent my companion and friend, W. D. Huntington, to
the camp to get an interview with me, and learn what my real purpose
was in relation to the matter. Brother William came near the camp fire
and having then a humane guard, I asked the privilege of speaking to him,
which they gave, by my talking in their presence. In ambiguous words he
conveyed to me the fears of the people that 1 would prove a traitor. At this
a sense of injustice came over me not easy to describe. I had stood there
alone in prospect of death, or worse, and I had been true, and now instead
of praying for me and giving me their faith they were prophesying evil, or
exercising a faith against me. A flood of grief gushed out of my eyes before
1 could hinder it. 1 told him to tell the people to have no fears, for with
God's help I would stand true, even though they, instead of praying for me
and exercising their faith for me, continued to prophesy evil against me.
My very soul felt thrust to the center with their suspicions, and the feeling
went to Brother William's heart, and on his return he recounted my
words to his sister, Zina, and all who heard felt there had been neglect on
this matter. Sister Zina asked all who felt like it, to come that night to her
father's house and pray for my release. That night I felt as though I knew
the people were praying for me, and all grief, sorrow, fear and hardness
left me. When Brother William came the next morning to bring
comforting words 1 almost felt 1 had words of comfort for him.

The mob and militia were waiting for Mormon blood, and it would not
do to at once disappoint all their hopes, so I was kept from day to day,

45

even after the General had himself come to see and question me, and once
sent for me to go to him for the same purpose, and determined that at the
proper time he would provide my release or escape; to which conclusion 1
have no doubt he was persuaded by my two friends whom the Lord
raised up to me in the midst of my enemies. The day after the prayer
meeting about the middle of the afternoon, I was taken from the guard by
the aide-de-camp and brought to the General's marquee and alone into
his presence. He said he believed 1 had been well raised and had good
parents, and from all he could learn had in every respect been truthful
and honest, and that which had been proved of me at Taylor's burning
stood much to my credit. He said that he liked my appearance very much,
and would have liked me to go and live with him. If 1 would leave the
Mormon faith and go with him, and make my home with him he had every
advantage to give me to become rich, and he would see that I would be
one of the richest young men of the state. If I would do so, he would give
me a pass and furnish me a horse to go direct to his home. I thanked him
from my heart, for his words were tender and kind, softened by a power
he did not comprehend; but I told him 1 had parents back east, from
whom I had till now never been separated, and that if I was ever free
again I must go to them, for I knew my kindred were in great anxiety for
my safety, and would fear I was dead until they saw me again. He said he
did not blame me, and he would take the responsibility to give me a pass,
but 1 must avail myself of the night time to get away, for old citizens
around Diahman would certainly kill me if they found I was set at liberty.

About an hour before sunset he gave the pass, and a guard to go with
me, to get some items and say goodbye, and especially to inquire where I
could find shelter for the night--a few miles from town. He was told of a
house four or five miles distant, where I could build a fire and keep from
freezing. It was still cold, with deep snow, and I started alone just at

46

sunset, without blanket, overcoat, mittens, or any clothing more than a
respectable suit of common thickness and warmth. 1 had a few matches
with which 1 hoped to kindle a fire in the cabin to which 1 was directed,
but when there found someone had been before me, and had not only
burned the wood, but had burned the chinking of the house. I sought in
the snow for wood to start a fire but could not find any, and for a time did
not know what to do, but finally concluded to strike across the prairie ten
miles farther, to the houses of some brethren living in a skirt of timber
between Diahman and Far West, who had not been disturbed by the mob.
To this timber I started, still wading in snow without a path. Late in the
night I came to a house, and knocking at the door a man came out, and I
asked for a place to stay. He told me 1 could not get into the house, and
showed me the whole floor, to the door, covered with sleeping people. He
said there was another house only a mile away, where I could stay, and
gave me directions through the timber to find it. I lost my way and
wandered for miles through the timber, and returned to the same house.
The man then went with me until the path was plain, and towards
morning 1 arrived at the residence of Elisha H. Groves by whom I was
kindly received. The house was cold and the floor open, and lying upon
only a rug I could not sleep for the cold, which was now fast increasing.
Food was exceedingly scarce, and after all the fatigue of the night before, I
had but a small breakfast. There was nearly twenty miles of bleak rolling
prairie to go over, with deep snow before reaching Far West, the place of
my destination. The air was full of frost, and the sun through the mist
looked blue and cold, and the wind was terrible and would be full in my
face. Under the circumstances it looked like a fearful undertaking, but no
alternative appeared. Go 1 must, so 1 started with some miles of unbroken
snow before reaching the traveled road. The wind blew so strong and
steady that much of the distance I had to walk backwards to keep my
breath. Thus I traveled until I had got about half way when I became so

47

numbed with cold and exhausted by fatigue that it seemed I could
proceed no farther, without warmth and rest. 1 was upon a high, bleak
prairie, and not a house, tree or shrub could be seen. It seemed that the
angel of death stood before me, for my heart and hope began to fail me.
Yet I did not forget to pray in my heart, and as I looked around upon the
snowy expanse I saw just at my left, a little from the road a small deep
swale, where the grass stood high and thick above the snow. 1 thought,
"Oh that 1 had saved just one match last night!" At the thought I felt in my
vest pocket and found just one match. With it, through the blessing of the
Lord I fired the grass. I inhaled the heated air, and soon recovered
warmth, and after a rest the wind was somewhat abated.

1 made the remaining distance to the home of my sisters before it was
dark. The little swale of tall grass and the one match when I supposed all
were gone, did then and have ever since appeared as special providences
to preserve my life; and in fact all the providences attending my
imprisonment and liberation are ever remembered as the direct hand of
the Lord for my preservation, to His own purpose and glory.

I found my sisters, Delcena and Julia, well and glad to see me again, but
here I dare not remain. I must go from here by night, for the mobocrats of
Diahman had learned of what they understood as my escape, and were
now hunting me. Here I found an old associate and fellow apprentice-
Arthur Millican--who was wounded in the Crooked River battle, where
Apostle Patten and others lost their lives. He was now the husband of
Lucy Smith, the Prophet Joseph's sister. He had been in hiding, but was
now able to travel, and wished to go with me. Food at this time in Far
West was very scarce, a little corn meal, ground by horse mill or by hand.
We were obliged to wait one day to get meal to make bread for our
journey, as we could not safely approach a settlement. At this time

48

Brother Sherman had gone to Richmond to see the Prophet Joseph, on
which mission he took cold, and died in my absence, soon after his return
home. He was a man of great integrity, a powerful preacher and by
revelation was called to the Apostleship but died before receiving his
ordination into that Quorum. On the third night after my arrival at my
sister's we started, each provided with a quilt, a package of corn bread,
with a little boiled beef; and my sister Julia had procured a pint can of
honey, which with my young appetite 1 thought would be so good with
our hard corn bread. I often thought of it as we plodded our way over a
trackless prairie over which the sun was high and warm, until we came to
timber upon the bank of a small creek. There we sat down to rest and eat
such as loving hands had provided for us. 1 thought of my can of honey,
and of the pleasure of sharing it with my comrade, but when 1 opened my
pack it was not there-it had been left behind. As I realized its absence, a
sense of disappointment and forlornness came over me, and as I sat upon
the log 1 wept and sobbed, just like the big boy that I really was then.

Our destination was Fort Leavenworth, but our course was far around
to avoid settlements. On the third or fourth day we arrived at the ferry
and crossed into what was then the principal frontier garrison in the
Indian territory. We at once went to the chief in command, which I think
was General Kearney, and told him who we were, and why we had come,
and asked for protection; told him we feared our enemies would come for
us. He said if we wished to work for the Government we should have
employment, and have his protection. Great was this chance for us;
whereas we had been so long hungry, cold, weary and persecuted, here
we found every real comfort of living with safety, and good wages, and it
seemed in the kindly spirit of the offices, and the advantages offered, that
the Lord had opened our way and led us there. Our work in general was
the care and driving of six yoke of oxen, hauling supplies from place to

49

place about the fort and reservation. Our food was good, and our mess
room contained about seventy-five persons, all sitting at the same table
and sleeping in the same spacious room at night. Here I began to
comprehend more fully the vices of the world: gambling, drunkenness
and prostitution were all bare and openfaced, and the Indian women and
the negroes were just as common as was the money that could pay them.
Yet while we in no way joined in with them in their gambling and
carousing, they treated us with respect and often with kindness. Soon
after our arrival others came some for protection, and all to earn means
whereby to be better prepared to leave the state of Missouri, which must
be done by the first of April.

Among others came my brother-in-law, A. W. Babbitt, and his brother,
John. Up to this time since leaving Kirtland I had been passing through
continued scenes of exposure and hardship, all of which seemed to
develop and increase my physical capacity, and I now stood 6 feet 11/2
inches, and weighed 175 pounds. 1 was not muscular but somewhat
nervous and sanguine. 1 was no bully, in fact, 1 lived in a degree of fear lest
some of my jokes or outspoken remarks might draw me into trouble with
some of the hot heads of our mess room, and would try to guard my
words and action on that account. After a few weeks there was a
discharge of soldiers whose term of enlistment had terminated, among
whom was one Orkey, a large, powerful, goodnatured German, who was
regarded as the bully of the garrison. On his discharge he came directly to
the mess room. As soon as I saw him I felt to like him, which, as we
became acquainted became mutual. He, like me, was cheerful and jocular,
and in that spirit we often played upon each other by words. One evening
as we sat some ten feet apart, in braggadocio boasting of what we could
do to each other, I felt unusually full of fun. As he dared to "try me on" in
any manner, I paused to consider. In a moment, a feeling I cannot explain

50

enthused my whole being. I sprang to him, grasped one arm under his
legs with the other around his shoulder, and lifted him as though but a
child. 1 carried him across the room to his bunk, and raising him high up 1
let him down with his full weight upon it, when altogether it crushed flat
to the floor. He got up, looked at me and then at his bunk and asked, "How
could you do that?" But there was no answer I could make to his question.
1 spoke as pleasantly as 1 could under the excitement. 1 said, "We must
reconstruct the bunk," after which we got tools and 1 helped him to do it.
But he never challenged me again, and the next morning, as I came in
from attending to my team I overheard him telling my messmates that
they "had better let that young Johnson have his own way for he was a d-
-d good fellow anyhow, and no one in that room had any business with
him." But 1 looked at the matter very differently, for in my normal
strength I hardly felt equal to a boy, and if it was not from the Lord that
the power came to me, I knew not whence it was. I at least had no further
fears while at the garrison, of assault from anyone.

About the first of March, after learning of the death of Brother
Sherman, my sister's husband, I arranged to return to Far West. On the
opposite side of the river, which was over half a mile wide, was a horse I
had engaged for the journey, and I must be there to get him and be ready
for a start in the morning. When 1 came to the river it was near sundown
and the mush ice was running fearfully. There was but one canoe, and
that would cross but the once. As I had the promise of being carried over I
stepped in the canoe, when six others came in also, which with the
baggage was likely to sink the canoe. The ferryman told us it was
dangerous, and some had better get out, but no one would do so. When
the canoe was still her rim was not more than one inch above the water. It
was a fearful and almost hair-breadth escape, skulling through the

51

masses of floating ice. But we landed safely, and ever since I have felt like
holding my breath when the thought of that danger has occurred to me.

The second day after I arrived at Far West and found my sister Delcena
a widow, with six small children for whom I must do my best to provide
for their removal from the state, as well as for their support. Brother
Babbitt and 1 made a trip to Richmond to learn what we could of the
welfare of the Prophet and company, and also to obtain our arms that we
had surrendered. Also, to look after the goods shipped before leaving
Kirtland as before noted. It was then the time of the sitting of court, and
we could not see the Prophet or learn anything satisfactory about the
prisoners; and when we went to look for the goods shipped, we found the
last of them just being sold under the hammer to pay freight charges. It
was a great sacrifice, but the people had no possible means of redeeming
them. Some had not come to Missouri, and all were now soon to leave the
state, as agreed by treaty with the mob. We went for our arms as directed
by the quartermaster, and all were found except the one laid down by
myself, which was not my own, said to be the most valuable rifle in all
upper Missouri. A common gun was given me in its place which I would
not receive. I gave description of the one I had surrendered at mean. I saw
he did not intend I should get it, and went to his superior and told him I
wanted my own gun and would take no other guns. He said, "No," but
opened a door into another room into which I followed, and among
others saw my own gun. I picked it up and at once brought it out. He was
angry at first, and said it was not mine, then said there had been a
mistake made. But I had made no mistake and so kept my gun.

On arriving at Far West, I found my old associate and friend, William D.
Huntington, then a bosom friend of the Prophet. We were much together
and consequently I was often at his father's house and in the company of

52

his sister, Zina, and both Zina and her mother were much devoted to their
rehgion. And often at Mother Huntington's did we have the most spirited
and enjoyable testimony or prayer meetings. There the gift of tongues
came to me in power, and never has it left me. To Sister Zina was both the
gift of tongues and interpretation given, and under the influence of our
spiritual enjoyment it seemed we formed a mutual attachment, which
before 1 left Far West grew into feelings of reciprocal love, with hopes,
which although not realized in full, did not hinder our being ever the
warmest and truest of friends.

On the 10th of March, 1839, 1 was ordained an Elder under the hands
of Apostle Heber C. Kimball, who then gave me notice that 1 would be
called to go with him the coming season on a mission to England. Brother
Babbitt and myself with all others in Far West were now busy in
gathering up outfits to get away from the state, and some had already
started. About the last of March, we left Far West to recross the
Mississippi and find a home elsewhere as best we might. Roads were bad,
with storms and cold weather, but we safely crossed the river at Quincy
to meet many of our people, and to find that citizens of Quincy and of
Illinois were showing great kindness to the persecuted Saints. Here my
sister Delcena with her children concluded to remain until it should be
known where the next gathering place would be. Seeing her provided
with comforts and home, we continued our journey to Springfield, where
my mother and younger children with my two elder brothers, and others
who had started for Missouri still remained. We arrived there in the
forepart of April, when there was a meeting and greeting, with gratitude
to the Lord for having so preserved and brought us together again. 1 was
now twenty-one, with increased health, energy, endurance, and animated
with brighter hope than before had ever inspired me, all begotten within

53

me through a travail of tribulations and sacrifice since leaving Kirtland
not more than nine months ago.

In looking back over the vicissitudes through which I had passed in
that short period it seemed more like a dream than a reality; and when I
think of it all as real, I feel a weight of gratitude to God that I find no
words to express.

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Chapter FOUR A HOME IN ILLINOIS

I soon took employment with Charles Lamb, wholesale merchant and
banker at Springfield. Mr. Lamb, almost from the first, treated me with the
greatest degree of confidence, and during the first week in his employ
sent me alone on business to Beardstown, a distance of forty miles with a
valuable outfit and near $1,000 in bank notes to disburse. 1 marveled at
his confidence, and was careful not to betray it. 1 soon received a letter
from H. C. Kimball saying that I was called by the June conference at
Quincy to accompany the apostles on their mission to Europe, and so I
applied myself earnestly to save money to be prepared to accompany
them.

While in Mr. Lamb's employ, associated with his family, my vanity was
at least a little flattered even if I was not tempted by the partiality of a
rich young widow who lived with and was a sister of Mrs. Lamb. She was
married very young, had but one child, and was the relict of Secretary of
State Falguar, who had died the year previous. 1 had often to attend them
in their carriage, the finest equipment in the city, and I could feel I was
not indifferent to her. Her little boy just commencing to talk, almost stole
my heart whether his mother did or not. She was reputed very rich-a
millionaire, and 1 felt very sure 1 could win her hand if 1 would, especially
after 1 had overheard a conversation between her and her sister, who did
not appear to favor her partiality for me.

I pondered the matter prayerfully, and I could not but feel that to
marry a woman with wealth would be to bring myself to the world, and
would keep me from my mission, and if allured away from my calling in
the Gospel, then all the new and bright hopes that had wakened within

55

me would become a failure. I felt it would be a sacrifice too great even for
a lovely wife with inheritance of wealth.

It was now drawing near my twenty-first natal day, July 28 [1839], and
I learned that Commerce, in Hancock County, had been purchased as a
place of gathering and that the prophet had escaped from Missouri and
was then there with many others of the Saints. 1 knew that the time might
be drawing near to leave for Europe, and as I wished to see the Prophet
and other old friends at the new gathering place, I left Mr. Lamb's employ
and arranged to make the visit. On my natal day, the 28th of July, I started
on horse-back for what then began to be called Nauvoo, of "beautiful
rest/' from Hebrew. On my arrival, August 1, 1 found nearly every one sick
and quite a number had died, among whom was Mother Huntington and
both Zina and her father were still very sick. Of the Fisk brothers, three
had died and our old neighbor, Capt. B. Brown, had lost his only daughter.
Nearly all were down with typhoid or malarial fever which it almost
seemed would sweep the place with death, for among all the families of
the Saints it was rare to find one who was able to wait upon and care for
another.

At this period there were in Nauvoo two young men, physicians from
the East, graduates in medicine, Brothers Wiley and Pendleton. They
went from house to house prescribing for the sick, and on my arrival, 1
was drawn in at once to follow them as nurse and care-taker, to
administer the medicines, prepare gruel and other food, bring water,
make beds, etc. Having arrived on horseback, and the sick being so
scattered, 1 kept my horse constantly under saddle, and when persons
were too sick to be left through the night without watchers, 1 often rode
for miles into the country to bring young women. Often did I go for those
called the Robison girls, sisters of General Robison and Brother D. N.

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Wells' first wife. Those people were very kind, and the young women
would come alternately as they were needed. In this way 1 had spent four
or more weeks and had not yet pulled off coat or boots for a night's rest.
But I was getting worn out, when on one occasion, in going for one of the
Robison girls to come to Bishop Granger's, it being warm, I rode away
without coat or vest, and on my return the wind blew, and we were
drenched with chilling rain. 1 felt then that 1 was "done for/' and sure
enough that night 1 took a terrible chill with fever, and lay for a day and a
half, most of the time delirious, until Sister Sarah M. Granger, herself sick,
got word to Brother Hyrum Smith, who the second day sent me some
gruel. In this condition I lay for days, until I procured Sapinton's pills, a
compound of quinine, which was now the common remedy. They broke
my chill for a time, and 1 was soon able to walk about, when I was called
by the Prophet to his house and requested by him to remain there and
take care of myself. Overexertion brought on a relapse, but I was soon up
again, and waiting upon the sick. At this time there was living in one of
the Prophet's homes, Father G. W. Harris, then, 1 think, President of the
High council, who had married the widow of Wm. Morgan of Free Mason
fame, and who left two children, Lucinda and Thomas. Lucinda, then 16
years of age, appeared to be very lovable, both in purity and beauty, and
being often companions naturally drew us together in feeling. The
Prophet, seeing our partiality for each other told me to make her my wife,
seeming to enjoin it upon me. 1 at once moved to that object, and found
there was a mutuality of feeling between us, and we soon pledged our
vows to each other. The Prophet at this time sick with the fever, chose me
his constant nurse and companion, and I will here say, as a valuable hint
to the wise, that the sanitary treatment of copiously flushing the colon
with water, much upon the present "Hall System," was about his only
remedy.

57

At this time, with so much sickness and death, a great fear began to
prevail, with a desire in some to abandon Nauvoo, and with this feeling
President Rigdon was greatly exercised, making grave complaints. The
Prophet now arose in great power, shook off his own sickness, went to
Brother Rigdon, rebuked his fearful and complaining spirit, and told him
to repent or a scourge from the Lord awaited him. Those being sick he
commanded to be healed, which they were. He then called for a skiff and
crossed the river to Montrose, where he found Elijah Fordham, drawing
apparently his last breath. By his command life returned and he arose and
was at once made whole. The Prophet then visited Brother Noble and
other places, full of the power of God, healing the sick, as has been
heretofore written in his life, all of which with many other things 1 know
to be true, for I was with him as a younger brother and companion much
of the time.

It was now about the first of October. The Prophet was again well. I
was at his house again, sick, and it seemed to me nigh unto death, when a
letter came from Springfield, to say my mother and sister, Mary, were
very sick, and anxious for my return. I obtained more quinine pills, took
double doses, and found my fever again broken. I had now been in
Nauvoo over two months, had spent nearly all my money, so carefully
saved for my mission, had ruined all my best clothing, and of over a
hundred dollars, had but ten left. 1 got my horses, gathered up my things,
and in haste, prepared to start. I felt worn, sick, poor, and sad at thought
of leaving so many with whom I had so long been in affection. I handed
my last bank note to Joseph, and asked him to take out the tithing. He
gave me the nine dollars left and as the coin came into my hand he hit it
from underneath, and scattered it upon the floor, at which 1 took hold of
him and a shuffle ensued, in which in my weak condition, I came near
falling in a faint. He held me up, picked up the money, and kept his arm

58

around me until I was going tlirougli the gate a few rods from the door.
Then he put his hands upon my head, and blessed me in the name of the
Lord and told me an Angel should go with me and protect me. This greatly
comforted me, for I was very weak and my heart was full. The first night I
reached my brother Joel's near Carthage, where he had been preaching
and had raised up a branch of the church. The next morning I started
again, hoping my chills and fever would leave me, so 1 could get home
before they should return, but they did not, for 1 had not gone far before I
was taken by a severe chill, followed by a high fever. This so prostrated
me that about 4 P.M. I was found unconscious by the roadside by the
Prophet's brother, William, and his wife, who were going for wild plums.
They took me to their home at Plymouth, and his sister, Lucy, cared for
me tenderly, and grieved much to see me, so very sick, start as I did the
next day about 10 o'clock. That day I missed my chill, but the next was as
the previous, or worse. That evening I found myself in the house of a
stranger, who told me that I was picked up unconscious by the roadside.

In this way 1 got home, and found my mother and sister not so sick as
myself, and the kind ministrations of friends was then indeed timely. I
was very sick, money gone, clothing worn and spoiled. My mother and
brothers after so much sickness, were in poor circumstances and
resources limited. Now as to the prospect of filling a mission to England,
or of marrying, all bottom seemed falling out, for in my sickness and
poverty, I felt myself almost a burden to my friends. While staying for a
time at Brother John Snyder's, I was treated with great kindness, but
grew much worse. While in the chill that now came every day, spasms in
my stomach became terrible, resulting in a fearful hemorrhage of the
bowels in which 1 voided apparently a great quantity of blood. The doctor
said if the chills came again I would die, and prescribed India cholagogue
in double doses, in half the time named in the directions. I pondered the

59

matter, felt it was better for me to die as I was a burden to my friends, had
no money to go to England, and 1 had been sick so long 1 almost felt a
desire to die. But the medicine was got and administered to me by careful
hands and loving hearts. Two days passed and the chill and paroxysm did
not return, and the hemorrhage ceased. I was soon able to walk and life
began to look hopeful again, and soon came Apostles Brigham Young and
H. C. Kimball on their way to England. Both had left home sick, were still
unfit to travel, and had left their families in great poverty at Nauvoo, but
when they saw how sick I was, and without money or suitable clothing
they did not urge me to go but left it to my own faith and desire. I much
wished to go but was so diffident, had no missionary experience, and
fearing they would feel me a burden 1 had not faith enough to start. They
told me to take a mission east as soon as I was able and this I felt
determined to do.

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Chapter FIVE FIRST MISSION

It was now February in 1840. 1 was just able to be at a Sunday evening
prayer meeting at the place of my residence, where I said I very much
wished to get a conveyance out of Springfield, and that I would start if
anyone knew how I could get one day's ride. James Standing, father of
Joseph Standing, the martyr, said he would take me in a sleigh as far as
the snow would last, and that he would be ready to start on the next
Tuesday. I was yet too sick to sit up long at a time, and unable to walk
more than a few rods at most, and had hardly yet attempted to speak in a
prayer meeting. The devil said, "You cannot go, it will be suicide. You
cannot preach and you will die in the street."

But courage was given me, and Tuesday found my few articles of
clothing packed with a few books, in a valise, and some kind friends made
me a bed in the back of the sleigh, and as I started my brother, Joseph, and
some others made up a purse for me, of 1 think, $12.50, which was all that
I had. I have often thought of the strong feelings that at that time came
over me. I felt I had been dependent on my friends, and that they had
enough to bear without being burdened by me, and that if the Lord did
not care for me now I would care nothing for myself. While my hopes
were small, 1 would not be governed by fears; and my mother, living a
little out of town, was hardly aware of my real purpose until 1 was gone.
On the following Friday we arrived at Paris, one hundred and ten miles,
and my health and spirits had in some degree improved. The snow was
now gone, but the mud was deep in its place. Here I was left, and here
now was a test of fortitude and perseverance that may find few equals.

Only twenty-one years of age, I was alone, sick, and among strangers
without money, the mud deep, weather stormy, without education or

61

mission experience and bashful beyond the power of words to tell. Yet I
did not wish myself back. The Lord had brought me carefully through an
experience calculated to teach me that it would not do to depend upon
my own wisdom and strength, and as for my own capability, it was really
as nothing, and if the Lord had ceased to care for me I was of little worth. I
told the Lord I had taken that mission because I was told to by His
servants, and if there was anything a poor ignorant boy could do to please
Him 1 was willing to try and do my best, but if He left me alone 1 was
certain I could accomplish nothing. These were my feelings as Brother
Standing turned his sleigh homeward through the mud in one direction,
while I with my valise and a stick in hand slowly moved in the other
pouring out my secret feelings to the Lord as 1 went.

I had forgotten to say that the fall previous, while I was in Nauvoo,
Brother A. W. Babbitt with my sister had left Springfield for the Eastern
states on a mission, and on passing through Indiana had stopped for a
season at Pleasant Garden, 1 think in Putnam County, and had raised up a
small branch there, of which 1 had learned, and 1 now had it in mind to
reach that place.

My first day's travel after my adieu to Brother Standing I cannot quite
remember, but 1 think it was seven miles, but remember distinctly my
surprise, almost amazement, at its number. The kindness of Brother
Standing and his self-sacrifice in bearing all expenses of that trip I can
never forget. Just the distance from Paris to Pleasant Garden, the number
of days it took to make it, I cannot now clearly remember, but I do not
forget that through its whole distance it always seemed that the Angel
promised by the Prophet was with me to open my way to make for me
kind friends whenever I needed them. At Pleasant Gardens I found a
Kirtland acquaintance in Brother Jonathan Crosby and family, who.

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together with Brother Ross R. Rogers, his business partner, were in the
cabinet-making business. They gave me a pleasant welcome, but soon
after my arrival 1 again took the chills and fever. 1 was kindly cared for
and nursed by Sister Crosby, whose kindness, with that of her sister, wife
of Addison Pratt, I will never forget. I was soon again able to be out, and
as it went abroad that another Mormon Missionary had come, I was
invited to many places to visit and to preach, which, as yet, 1 had never
attempted in public. So long sick, 1 was still feeble, and the chills still
following me, my body was weak indeed, but my visits among the people
had made them anxious to bear me, so I forced myself to the issue and
when the congregation came I opened the meeting as best I knew how
and arose with my eyes shut and commenced to talk. The spirit to talk
came upon me and I preached one hour and a half as 1 was told
afterwards, with my eyes tight shut, and this habit tried hard to follow
me, and it was after many attempts before I could look upon a
congregation when preaching. A number now came forward for baptism,
and here 1 baptized my first convert. 1 now had calls to preach from many
directions, and 1 was gaining in confidence and felt blessed in my labors,
with the spirit of my mission. But unexpected events drew me from this
field of labor. In the lurch here was Dr. Knights, an old resident, an
eminent physician, a man in the highest esteem through this whole
region. In early life he had come as a pioneer to the country. He had an
extensive medical practice, and owned a large body of choice lands on Eel
River, and had returned to Virginia and married a young and beautiful
lady. Previous to this he had taken a poor young man named Shepherd a
protegee, gave him a thorough medical tuition, and after his marriage
made him an equal partner in business. The old doctor was very devoted
to his young wife and his two little sons, and to give himself more fully to
their society he gave up principally his medical practice to the young
Doctor Shepherd who rapidly grew in prestige and medical skill, and was

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soon upon the top wave of popular favor. From this eminence, to which
his more than friend had elevated him, he descended with a treachery
most ungrateful, and more deadly than the serpents face. Dr. Knights now
found his idol was broken, for upon her death bed his wife had
acknowledged that by the young doctor she had been seduced and he
dishonored. He waited until his wife was in her grave and then with a
short club in his hand he went into the office where sat the young doctor
by the table. He closed the door, turned and took the key, stepped to the
table saying he had come to kill or be killed, and told him the reason why.
The young doctor grasped a pistol which was knocked from his hand, and
he was beaten upon the head until he lay apparently dead. The old doctor
then went out, locked the door and threw away the key. After a time he
returned, looked through the window and saw his victim crawling around
as if seeking to get out. He then procured a double-barreled shotgun and
through the window fired two loads of buckshot into his neck and
shoulders. All this did not kill him, but he got up and crawled out of the
window, and dragged himself into the hotel across the street, where 1
slept. In the early morning 1 was awakened by the great excitement
caused by the assault. All the physicians of the vicinity were called, and
found his skull badly broken, but his brain not badly injured. They took
out many pieces of bone, in my presence, put in a large silver plate, put
back the pieces, sewed up the scalp, and within a few days he appeared
convalescent. But the case was wonderful to all, and that Dr. Knights did
not attend the young doctor in his terrible condition was a wonder
greater still, and when asked why he did not attend Doctor Shepherd, he
simply told them to ask Shepherd for he could tell them who was his
enemy, and the reason why. Considering the doctor's great bereavement
in the loss of his wife, 1 called at times to console him.

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I felt small in view of his age and profession, but I regarded it as a duty
of my calling, as he was a member of the church. He was greatly bowed in
spirit, and my words impressed him to turn his heart towards me. At one
time he asked if I walked to my appointments. I said I did, and he told me
to meet him next day at his plantation a few miles distant and he would
furnish me a horse to ride. I went, he sent for his band of horses and told
me to take my choice. 1 chose a fine young horse just broke to ride, and he
gave me money to buy me a saddle and bridle. So here 1 was raised almost
as rich in feehng as a Lord. But I did not forget whence blessings come nor
forget to show my gratitude to the hand that gave. And now in visiting
him I saw there was something I did not comprehend. But the Lord gave
me wisdom and discernment and 1 was so led in conversation with him
that he soon unbosomed his whole soul to me, and told me he had yet to
finish the job and kill his enemy. Here came a test of my influence to
restrain him, and I confronted him at once upon the subject. I told him the
Lord had delivered his enemy into his hand, he had had every chance to
kill him that the Lord was willing to give, and that as his enemy was by a
miracle saved from death he must now leave it in the hands of the Lord.

He was of the hot southern blood, and would seem to agree when
talking with me, but by the next visit would have returned to the same
feeling and determination as before. It was now said the young doctor
would recover. This so wrought upon the old doctor, that 1 saw something
must be done to deter him; otherwise he would walk into the sick room,
and kill him, even should a multitude be present, for he cared apparently
nothing for his own life. Only one idea enthused him-to kill the young
doctor-all else was swallowed up in that one desire. What now should 1
do? 1 must save him from himself. To me there was a horror in the
thought of his killing the miserable creature. I felt he would not again be
justified and as he had become a dear friend, and was kind to me, I must

65

not lose my hold upon him. I must save him by saving the young doctor. I
prayed, and a thought came to me, which 1 quickly acted upon. With
pencil I wrote in letters like print to Dr. Shepherd telling him he must
leave there without delay or die. I slipped the letter under his door at
night. He found it in the morning, and the whole country round about
became a ferment. A strong guard was placed around the young doctor,
and every man in the vicinity was required by a public vote to come to the
justice of the peace and make oath as to whether he had any knowledge of
the writing or its writer. Every name was taken and every man was sworn
but myself, the one who wrote it. I was not suspected of having an5^hing
to do in the matter. Dr.Knights saw himself foiled; he could not approach
his enemy, being now suspected by the friends of Dr. Shepherd, and at the
time it seemed as if Dr. Knights would go wild.

About this time I learned that Brother Babbitt and my sister had
returned from Philadelphia, where he had been laboring with much
success, and were for the present in Kirtland. Dr. Knights' conversion
being the fruits of his labor, of course he was held in high esteem. The
thought came to me to urge Dr. Knights to go at once to Kirtland and find
Brother Babbitt. At first he could not consent to abandon the great and
only object of his life. While holding up to him the higher obligations of
duty to his little sons, he would seem nearly convinced, and turned from
his object, but on my next visit, he said if 1 would accompany him he
would go, but not by public conveyance. He would provide a horse and
buggy, and we could go where and when we pleased. If I should consent
to go, my air castles would fall to the ground, for in the vicinity there
appeared to be a broad field for labor, and 1 had now a fine horse and
outfit, and could perform a mission here, and do a good work, and return
to my mother and kindred; and to her that the Prophet had given me, who
when I left appeared to love me. It seemed the Lord had another purpose.

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for just at this period I received a letter from her, saying, that as I was
now gone and not knowing when I would return, her mother wished her
to marry another man. Following it came a letter from my friend, D.
Huntington, saying my Lucinda had through her mother's influence
married a licentiate by the name of David Smith. Those who in early life
have been too roughly awakened from a dream of happiness need not be
told of the influence of such a disappointment upon an organization like
mine. I concluded to go with the doctor, and felt that in leaving, my way
might open into a broader and more distant mission field. I filled my
appointments while the doctor was arranging his affairs, turned my horse
back into the band from which I took him, and was, with all my idols
broken, ready for a start.

I think it was now about the middle of July 1840, and the doctor not
wishing his leaving to be public, met me in a neighboring town. I found he
had an outfit fit for princes, and we started on our journey eastward. The
distance to Kirtland 1 think was over 400 miles and it took some two
weeks to make the trip. Where the doctor was known I was at times
asked to preach, which I did.

I had always to watch as well as pray, for at times the old influences
would be strong upon him that 1 was compelled to dog his very steps.
Once he slipped from bed before 1 awoke, and 1 found him getting into the
stage as it was starting. I pulled him from the steps of the coach and after
his anger was appeased I asked him what was his idea in leaving me with
his outfit and trunk, in which I knew was much money, what he would
expect me to do with it or with myself. He said if he left me by no means
to turn back, that all he left was mine. But had it been a thousandfold, the
influence of money could not tempt me to loosen my hold upon him to
keep him with me.

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On our arrival in Kirtland, and in company with Brother and Sister
Babbitt he began to greatly improve in spirit and feeling, and had no
desire to return to the west but rather to go farther east. He said he would
like to visit Canada, and asked if I would go with him. He also invited
Brother Babbitt and my sister to go. In this I felt there was a purpose, and
that if 1 went to Canada 1 would remain there to continue my mission. As
Elder Babbitt had labored in Toronto, raised up a branch, and still had
friends there, he was quite ready to go there. And so, after visiting my
father and my sister, Almera, who had married a man in no way worthy of
her, we enjoyed ourselves here a season, and then started as the doctor's
party, he bearing all expenses, went down the lake to Buffalo, visited
Niagara Falls, then went to Toronto and visited, where 1 found an
apparent opening for preaching. When the doctor had tarried long
enough in Her Majesty's Dominions, and was ready to return, I had
concluded to remain and see if a field of labor would open for me in that
land.

They returned and left me alone among entire strangers, over a
thousand miles from home, on foot and penniless. It was then the rule to
travel without purse or scrip and if the doctor offered me any money I
had refused it, for 1 felt 1 had been a great expense to him. 1 was too
simple hearted to think of what, by the blessing of the Lord, 1 had done for
him. They returned to Kirtland, took with them my sister, Almera, and
started for Ramus, twenty miles east of Nauvoo, where my mother and
kindred then lived. The doctor went with them, seemingly cured of his
mania for the young doctor's life. But what a reverse to my fond hopes, 1
must not reflect upon it, but move towards an opening for usefulness, and
make friends by preaching the gospel, for I now felt friendless and
desolate. My anxiety for the doctor had filled me with care, and had so

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completely absorbed my thoughts that they must now be whipped back
to the spirit of my mission. 1 soon realized that instead of being in a new
and fresh field of labor I was in the stubble field, already harvested by
older and more experienced elders, such as Parley P. Pratt, J. E. Page, A.
W. Babbitt and others, and at most I could be but a gleaner. A few at
Toronto, who had friends at Nauvoo, invited me to call upon them, and
others, from a desire to learn particulars of our persecutions, etc., but no
opening appeared for preaching. In a few country places I found openings
to preach for a season and in Union District, some miles north of Toronto
I preached for quite a season and was kindly treated by the people,
especially those at a large farm home near by. Here I preached twice a
week to large congregations, with good liberty, and perhaps began to feel
a degree of self importance not approved of by the Lord.

At this time the prophecy of Daniel would be the subject of my next
discourse. I had not yet learned the admonition of Paul "Let him that
thinketh he stands take heed lest he fall." It had never yet been forced
upon me, but it came, nevertheless, and left a lifetime impression upon
my mind, for at the time appointed a large and expectant congregation
filled the house. With a degree of self-confidence I went to the stand with
a feeling akin to exultation in the large congregation, and in what I felt so
sure 1 should be able to say to them. 1 opened the meeting as usual, took
my Bible and began to read from Daniel, but the scripture that had before
seemed so full of light was now dark. I turned others, but all were dark.
The light of the Lord had left me, and I stood there alone before that large
congregation, alone in my own strength, and in my nakedness I almost
felt a horror of myself. 1 stood there speechless, and mortified. And oh!
the sense of ingratitude to the Lord that came over me. To think how He
had helped me, and that all I was He had made me, and now I stood there
in my own strength, and was humbled in the dust, with a feeling that the

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ground under me ought to open out and let me down out of the sight of
all. The flood gates of my heart broke, and 1 wept. The congregation sat
silent, and 1 could feel their pity. The thought came over me to be honest
before God, the people and myself, and confess all before them, and as I
opened my mouth, my speech came to me and I asked them if they had
not often heard me speak to their understanding and edification, and if I
had not always told them 1 was but a plow boy sent out like the apostles
of old, to preach by the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, and that without it, I
was nothing, as was now proved there before them; that for some cause
known to the Lord, His Spirit had left me, and they now saw me in my
own strength, in which I could do nothing. I said, "As you have come out
today only to be disappointed, perhaps you would not be willing to come
again." But I saw they believed me honest, and I said, "If you will allow me
to have another appointment, rise to your feet." When all the
congregation rose, I said I would preach again if the Lord would help me,
at the usual time, and dismissed the meeting. A feeling of kindness
pervaded all, but oh, how small 1 felt. 1 prayed the Lord to forgive my
great ingratitude, and 1 would try forever more not to forget how
dependent I was upon Him. To this day I have retained a lively
remembrance of the experience.

At the next meeting, when the Lord had forgiven my sin and loosened
my tongue, the people felt that the "Boy Preacher," as I was called, no
longer needed their sympathies, for there was a power greater than
theirs that accompanied him.

In this place it seemed there were those who believed, but none came
forward for baptism, and 1 often caught the idea that 1 looked too young
and feeble to baptize anybody. I was very thin, much afflicted with pain in
my side, and at times I seemed to lose all care for my health and life, and

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would sometimes stand three hours in vehement speaking to a
congregation. I wished to bear my testimony, and felt that 1 could not die
in a better cause, and that it was the Lord's business to keep me if I was of
any worth to Him. But some of these ideas were the fruits of my sorrows
and of my youth, instead of the wisdom that age and experience bring.

From this place 1 proceeded north to South Gilensburgh, where 1 was
invited to preach. Here I found Brother Joseph Pegg and his wife who had
for a long time been members of the Church. He was a well-to-do farmer,
somewhat married to the world, while his wife was a younger woman of
high spirit and talent, who wished to gather with the church. Her warmth
of feeling for her religion made her very kind towards me, which
appeared to offend her husband. After remaining there a few days in poor
health I went into North Gilensburgh, upon the shore of Lake Simcoe, at
the house of Father Draper, who soon believed, with all his house, but like
those of Union District, they seemed to feel that I was too young and
feeble to be trusted with their baptism. My constitution seemed terribly
broken and 1 was often told I would not live to return home for 1 seemed
to be declining with consumption, which no wise deterred me from filling
every appointment to preach, and striving to fill my mission.

At one time on my way from Brother Peggs to Lake Simcoe, feeling a
little weary, I called at a nice log cabin, and told the lady of the house 1
was a preacher of the Gospel, and was going to an appointment and had
called to ask for a lunch and a few moments' rest. She seemed pleased,
and at once set upon the table in nicest order and delicacy, the simple fare
of the country, and said, "1 gladly give you the best 1 have. If you are a
servant of God you will think it good enough, and if you are not, it is too
good." I said her food was excellent, but her sentiment was better, and I

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thanked and blessed her for both. And this was the only time through all
my mission labors that when alone 1 asked for food.

I will relate here an incident which occurred in relation to the gift of
tongues which came to me. In this vicinity there were many Indians on an
island in Lake Simcoe. The government had colonized a large tribe and
they were scattered upon the borders of the lake. Upon the lake shore
near Father Draper's grew beautiful broad-spreading cedar trees, with
branches so low and broad that they appeared almost like a canopy or
tent, and the Indians often occupied this as a summer resort for fishing,
etc. One morning while taking my walk among these trees I came upon a
number of Indian families encamped. 1 found one Indian who could talk
very good English and was quite intelligent. 1 questioned him in relation
to their traditions of the past, and of their hopes of the future. At first he
did not seem disposed to talk, but seemed wiUing to Hsten. I commenced
talking to him of their forefathers, when the Spirit came upon me, and I
spoke in their own tongue. All the Indians came running to me, to listen
with glistening eyes and great attention through all my talk to them.
When I ceased, the Indian with whom I had been talking said, "You talk
good Mohawk, and we all understand." This was manifest to me, the Spirit
of the Lord rested upon them, and they would now tell me anything I
wished to know pertaining to their religion. 1 learned that their hopes of
the future were almost identical with our own, and they realized that
because of wars and wickedness they had been cursed, but that through
the ancient fathers it was promised that the power of their enemies
should be broken, and a great prophet or prince would be sent to them by
the Great Spirit. All of this was in the highest degree joyful to me, for 1 felt
that 1 had been led to them to bear a great testimony to these Lamanites,
that would not by them be forgotten, and that it would live in the hearts
of their children.

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The summer season was now closing, and I felt impressed to leave this
cold climate, and return homeward as my way might open before me. I
had preached much and borne a faithful testimony, but not one had I
baptized; and now, over a thousand miles from home, I must perhaps go
all the way on foot, if I lived to return, with health so poor. People had
treated me kindly but 1 had only enough money to buy a few needed
things for comfort, and to pay my passage across the lake.

Near the last of October I left Lake Simcoe and at Brother Pegg's found
domestic trouble. Sister Pegg had learned of my starting homeward, and
greatly wished to accompany me to Nauvoo, and would if 1 had permitted.
I sought to console her with the hope that her husband would go in due
time. But in that I was mistaken, and I have since felt a doubt as to the
wisdom of my advice in a matter of that kind. She was his second wife,
with two small children, while he had a grown daughter and children
older, and he no doubt apostatized.

She with her children might have filled a useful career, and at that time
having means in her own right would have opened a way for my direct
return home. But the Lord had another path in which to lead me. While
here a brother named Archibald Hill came to me with some others, from
about sixty miles distant near Lake Huron to get counsel in relation to
delusive spirits then manifest among them. In these matters I had been
taught and gave them keys by which to know them, and they returned,
profited by their visit. I felt sad to leave Sister Pegg, who had been so kind
to me, and 1 have always wished to see her gathered with the Saints.

I left Canada about the middle of November and made my way as best I
could on foot in the direction of home, when I arrived in Buffalo, oh! how I

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wished for means to pay my passage direct to Kirtland, but such was not
the lead by the unseen hand, there was another path marked out for me. I
was now less than fifty miles from my native place, and although 1 had
visited it once since leaving, I was then but a lad, and now I might bear a
testimony of greater weight, and perhaps one would embrace the truth.
In this hope I made my way to Fredonia, found many glad to see me; and
the people, from a feeling of old-time friendship were willing to hear me
preach, but could not be awakened to any love for the gospel. When told
again that my sister, Nancy, was healed, they thought some natural cause
had produced the effect. As she had since died, if it was a miracle,
whythen had she died? Why was she not again healed? I bore to them my
last testimony and left them, some of my old friends giving me a pittance
to help me on the way, which was now cold, snowy and weary. 1 went
back first to Kirtland, and then on to Nauvoo, the home of my kindred.

But the Lord had his own way, for when I came to Erie County,
Pennsylvania, 1 put up at a tavern, and as 1 had traveled all day in the
snow, and was very tired, 1 was just going to bed when it occurred to me
that before I left home Colonel Harmon had asked me to call upon his
friends in Erie County, Pennsylvania, if I ever went there. I had my
slippers on, my candlestick in hand to go to my room, when the door
opened and a man covered with snow came in and stood by the fire.
Almost before I thought, 1 asked him if he knew any people named Barnes
in that region. He said, "Yes, and you can go there right now if you wish to
see any of them." I told him no, but their friends in the west wished me to
inquire after them, and when I told him the names of their friends he was
still more solicitous, insisting that 1 should go with him, and something
said, "Go." 1 put on my boots, got my valise and rode eleven miles through
the storm to the house of my companion, who was himself one of the
Barnes. One of his sisters then living with him was a member of the

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Church (Huldah Barnes) and afterwards was sealed to President H. C.
Kimball. When we arrived about 11 P.M., he told her he had a Mormon
elder, cold and hungry, and although a large corpulent woman, her steps
were nimble until all my wants were supplied.

The word at once went out that a Mormon elder had come, and all
appeared anxious that 1 should preach. 1 did so the next day, and the day
after I was taken by others of the kindred to Union district, where I
commenced to preach to a large congregation, and from there to a larger
still. Here now a wide door for preaching was opening to me, but the
enemy was not asleep. Soon the priests were out, came and filled the
stand without invitation, with full expectation to overawe and squelch the
Mormon boy. 1 opened the meeting, and arose with very bashful and
boylike feelings, and commenced to apologize for my youth, want of
learning, etc. Just then at a point farthest from me in the congregation, an
old man arose and said, "Young man, he that is good for excuses is good
for but little else." Instantly the words of Paul to Timothy came to me,
"Let no man despise thy youth." And those admonitions to me were never
needed again. I spoke upon the Book of Mormon and the second coming
of Christ with good liberty, after which Rev. Jesse E. Church, a great and
noted preacher, arose and gave out an appointment to preach the next
evening; said he would down all this Mormonism; that he had once
challenged Sidney Rigdon, who would not meet him in debate. The next
evening I attended his meeting, and made appointment for the next night,
which was again crowded. He then appointed his meeting in his own
neighborhood and I heard him again, gave an appointment for the next
Sabbath at the same place, at which 1 invited any present who wished
baptism to arise. Seven of his own members arose, and repairing to the
creek and cutting through fifteen inches of ice, were baptized by the boy
for whom he had shown such contempt. Among those baptized were

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some of the family of John Spaulding, brother of Solomon Spaulding of the
Spaulding Manuscript story. This story, with every other previously
invented, was paraded to defeat the Book of Mormon, and it should be
remembered that in this vicinity lived Solomon Spaulding, and here he
wrote "The Manuscript Found," which his brother, John Spaulding,
publicly denied as being in no way possible connected with the Book of
Mormon. After this, the great Jesse E. Church, as he was termed by his
admirers, was silent. Instead of squelching Mormonism, and the Mormon
boy, he had squelched himself, and few were left to follow or honor him.

Here lived Washington Walker, a Universalist, who took me to his
house and made it my home while 1 remained in that country, often
taking me in his sleigh or carriage to my appointments. He was a
gentleman of culture, but of few words. At this time his sister, an eminent
Presb5^erian, came from Erie City to visit them. They took her to my
appointments to hear Mormonism in which she seemed to take a lively
interest, and on one occasion said there was one subject that greatly
interested her, on which she wanted light, and wished 1 would make it the
subject of my next discourse. This was "Foreordination" or "Election and
Reprobation." If she had struck me with a club I could not have felt more
stunned, dazed and foolish. I felt that I must comply with her request, but
how? In preaching the first principles of the Gospel, the Second Coming of
Christ, the gathering of Israel, Book of Mormon, etc., 1 was perfect, both in
the letter and in the Spirit, but what did I know about Predestination? I
did not know its definition, or meaning, nor of Election and Reprobation.
And I was expected to preach upon that subject. How could I without one
gleam of light or some key of knowledge to inspire me? 1 searched the
scriptures and prayed, but no light came to me. The subject occupied my
thoughts, and "foreordination" rang in my ear like a funeral knell. I
wished to make excuse to the lady, but how dare I shrink from my calling?

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Had I not professed that my capability to teach was from the Lord, and
could 1 say 1 was not prepared? But oh, how dark it all was to me!

The day of meeting came, the hour was fast approaching, and the
thought almost took my breath. I had not eaten, I had not slept, for
Predestination had occupied my thoughts night and day. I did not fear for
myself, but for the great cause to be dishonored, perhaps by me. But the
hours would not wait, the congregation had assembled, the house was
full, and my feelings almost as dark as suicide. I opened the meeting,
arose, and mechanically, without a thought as to what I would read,
opened the Bible and saw the first chapter to the Ephesians and read, "We
were chosen from before the foundation of the world, to the adoption of
children by Jesus Christ to the praise and glory of God." Here now was the
key of knowledge, and with it came the light of the Lord to fill my whole
being. The visions of heaven were opened before me. I saw that all
intelligence moved to the accomplishment of objects for their own
greatness and glory, and to that end the earth was made, not upon the
principle that nothing had put forth to beget something, but from matter
as coexistent with spirit. I saw that the spirits of all men had been
begotten and that they were the morning stars that sang together and
shouted for joy when the foundations of the earth were laid, for they saw
that upon the earth they would receive tabernacles, through which they,
like the Elder Brother would "descend below all things to arise above all
things." And that as He was foreordained a Lamb slain for sin, also was it
foreordained that man should sin; for if sin had not come there would
have been no death, and without death no pain, sorrow and suffering; and
without these there could be no joy and happiness; for as light is
comprehended through darkness, so pleasure is bought by pain, its
opposite. I saw that there is opposition to all things, and had there been

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no element of death there could have been no increase of life, "that man
sinned that man might be, and that men might have joy," after tribulation.

All these ideas, and many others I presented and elucidated in a
discourse delivered in a vehement and powerful manner, of over three
hours' length, while the congregation sat as if riveted to their seats, and
not a move did 1 notice from the time 1 arose, until 1 took my seat, and
even yet all sat still as if in a maze.

But though all seemed to wonder, the marvel of no one could equal my
own. To me it was as though from Egyptian darkness I had been suddenly
brought into the light of the sun. The heavens had seemed opened to me,
and of all 1 was the one most instructed. 1 knew it was all of the Lord
because I had not desired the light for my own praise and glory.

An old Methodist preacher came to me at the close and said, "My young
friend, you have taken us beyond all of my comprehension but 1 cannot
gainsay one word." The lady left the next day, seemed very thoughtful,
and treated me with the greatest respect, but she was of wealth and
position, and I thought was sorrowful that all the great things she had
learned were through so low and poor a people as the Mormons.

About this time Mr. Walker asked me to go with him to the city of Erie
for a sleigh ride, which I did, and found a Methodist revival going on. His
business was at the publishing house of the Universalist Champion
Spafford, noted for great learning, and as we came into his large store, we
found him and a Methodist priest in earnest debate on Bible doctrines.
The room was full of people, and all were eager to see how it would end,
or who would first "back down," as they termed it. And it was proposed
by spectators that the first one to draw out from the discussion should

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"forfeit a shilling." The Methodist had already become restive, and wished
to get away, and drawing nearer and nearer the door, finally took his hat
from the counter and slipped out. 1 sat in the corner with cap pulled low
over my face and listened to Spafford's remarks of self flattery as to the
ease with which all advocates of future reward and punishment could be
defeated, until at length I asked if I might ask him a few questions, saying,
"You might ask me afterwards as many as you please." He said, "Certainly,
ask as many as you like."

"I wish," I said, "to know if your religion is all reward in future life, and
no punishment." He said, "Yes, all is reward in the after life." I continued,
"You believe the last fixed state of man is better than this earthly state can
be?" "Yes," said he, "the last state of all mankind will be better than this
state can be." I then quoted to him the words of Jesus, "When the unclean
spirit is gone out of a man," etc. and its return, "the last state of that man
is worse than the first," and also II Peter, 2nd to 20th verses. He stopped
as though he had struck a sawyer, waited a moment, and all saw he was
beaten, and raised the same shout to him, to pay the shilling. He then
came to me pleasantly, asked my name, who I was, what was my religion,
etc., wanted me to stop for a week with him, found I was a Mormon, and
insisted on my staying to preach. But I had appointments, and the city of
Erie had been harvested by greater minds long ago, and 1 must return.
When I left he forced upon me books to peruse, which 1 returned without
reading, and I have never seen him since.

For some weeks after my arrival in Erie County as a rule I held
meetings somewhere each day, often preaching two and at times three
sermons in one day, which in general were from two to three hours in
length, and the time I occupied at that period in vehement speaking
seems now almost incredible. Besides this, where I stayed people would

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keep me talking often long past midnight. Often I was admonished by
those who listened to me that 1 was killing myself, for the great exercise
of mind so impaired my digestion that I could not eat. One cookie
crumbed into my coffee in the morning was my breakfast, and the same,
or a fried cake with tea was my supper for weeks. I was very thin and
pale, but full of spiritual life and abundant energy.

With the most of the people it was the excitement of novelty. Their
preachers had killed their own influence, and now they wanted someone
to follow. It was not really the truth they were after, it was the sensation
of something new, and as it drew towards springtime the calls for
preaching began to die away. There was a general desire for me to settle
there, and preach for a good salary, which all parties would contribute to
pay, and give me a good support; and like the devil upon the mount I
could have all the world if I would turn away from God and duty. But I
knew it was a trick to flatter my pride and to lead me away.

My time now was not so occupied in preaching and my strength and
appetite began to return, and being now much at home, I assisted Mr.
Walker in his store, and also obtained material and made through the
summer a few sets of harness, with trunks, saddlery, etc., but I could not
resist the feeling that such occupation here was beneath my calling.
Learning that Brother and Sister Babbitt with my youngest sister had
returned to Kirtland, Mr. Walker kindly offered to take me in his carriage
to Kirtland on a visit, which he did. Soon after our return they came to
Pennsylvania to see me, to induce me, if possible, to return with them
which 1 soon arranged to do, and left for Kirtland, where Brother Babbitt
was then residing. 1 soon obtained means to start a small business in
saddlery in Kirtland.

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81

Chapter SIX THE CHURCH GROWS

At this time my home was with Mr. Babbitt, with my two sisters.
Closely associated with my younger sister, as a student in the Academy at
Kirtland was a young lady, Melissa B. LeBaron. She was an orphan, and in
appearance, education and ease of manner, had no equal in the vicinity,
and it was said there was a money legacy due and waiting her claim in a
Rochester, New York, city bank. After making her acquaintance I
perceived my society was not unpleasant, and as I was then highly
respected as a successful missionary, and she, a young heiress, beloved by
all who knew her, my friends hoped we would make a wedding to please
them as well as ourselves.

It had been constantly before me that I should return home to the
Church and my home in the West. I now applied myself earnestly to
obtain means for my intended journey. Quite a large Branch had again
been organized in Kirtland, and Bishop G — [Oliver Granger] had been
sent East by the Prophet to raise means to pay for lands that had been
bought at Nauvoo, and so brought his family back to Kirtland. He was a
man of eminent capability, but had suffered greatly by intemperance,
which habit, after obtaining money, overcame him again, and so the
money was squandered. He took dropsy and soon died.

Brother Babbitt had started quite extensively in merchandising, and
Brother W. W. Phelps being there, it was designed to publish a paper. In
fact, quite a feeling began to arise for again settling at, and building up of
Kirtland, and for a time all appeared hopeful for a home and a business
future to those whose duty, privilege or choice it was to stay there. But to
me it did not seem like a home for the faithful and true Latter-day Saints. I
was now often in the society of the friend and associate of my sister

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Melissa LeBaron, "the heiress," as she was called, and I saw she was not
averse to me, and 1 could look upon her with a feeling of pride. 1 felt
attracted toward Melissa LeBaron, and as this feeling grew, it drew us
naturally more together, to become better acquainted. Here was one the
Lord had placed right before me, a young lady of culture and refinement,
and a good L. D. Saint, who was ready in the coming season to go with me
to the gathering place of the Saints. 1 knew the Lord had proved me in
virtue and honesty towards those whom 1 had loved, and 1 could feel that
He had brought her there for me, and I was just as certain what her
answer would be before, as I was after I asked her to be my wife. It
seemed to me the Lord had remembered that whatever I had earned I had
cheerfully contributed, in assisting his Saints from Missouri, and in caring
for and supplying the sick at Nauvoo, as also those of the Kirtland Camp.

I had now been two years on a mission and was returning home poor,
and now the Lord had brought to me one that had enough to pay for all
these sacrifices, one who seemed pleased to lay all down at my feet.

On Christmas day we were to be married, and so many were our
friends, and such the interest taken in preparations that one might have
thought it was everybody's wedding, instead of that of an unpretending
and humble couple.

We were married by Brother Babbitt in the house in which the Prophet
lived in Kirtland, and all its rooms were crowded. The only thing worthy
of note, besides festivity and general mirth was the division of the
company into separate rooms. The married people claimed us now, which
was disputed by the unmarried, who insisted, that as bride and groom we
still belonged to them. Each party laid hold of me to make good their
claim, and before they knew it they had pulled me speechless, and really

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came near killing me with their kindness. So we were at liberty to enjoy,
and be enjoyed by both as suited us best.

About this time it began to be understood that the policy of again
building up Kirtland was not approved by the authorities at Nauvoo, and
soon came the revelation in which the Lord speaks of his servant, Almon
W. Babbitt, as "making a golden calf" at Kirtland. [D&C 124:84] So came to
an end the hope of remaining there, and business of course must go
down, as those who were true Saints would soon gather to the West.
Brother Babbitt now saw that he would be broken up in business. He felt
hurt by the rebuke in the revelation, and he was in great temptation to
complain, and to turn his heel upon the Prophet. 1 now saw it wisdom by
every influence to keep him from an unwise step and induce him to
return to Nauvoo. He had bought many notes and claims against the
Prophet or the church, and with these he might be tempted to do a great
wrong to himself; and such was my love for him that I felt to make any
sacrifice to promote his love for the gospel and his fellowship in the
Church. He now began to study law, wishing me to do the same, and
proposed that we buy together a small law library. I consented, that I
might be the nearer to him and better able to hold an influence over him
for his own good. As myself and wife had to make a visit to her native
place, Leroy, and go to Rochester to obtain the money due her, we invited
Brother and Sister Babbitt to go with us. Obtaining a carriage and outfit
we left for the east about the last of January to visit our friends and
preach, as opportunity might open on the way.

On application for the legacy due my wife, it was found that through an
order from Brother J. L. Holman, her guardian, her interest money to the
amount of some four hundred dollars had been drawn by Bishop G.,
besides household goods of much value, left her by her mother, all

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squandered by him in dissipation, leaving only the principal, which we
obtained.

But while Brother G. possessed eminent abilities and was beloved and
trusted by the Prophet, yet the way of the transgressor is hard, and today
there is not a lineal representative of his in the Church.

About the time of his sickness and death a spirit of fanaticism arose
and formed a party, who adopted him as its oracle, and almost as their
God; claimed he had revealed to them the celestial law of marriage. Some
of them being of the respectable and more wealthy class, I was induced
on one occasion to attend their meeting, and being astonished at their
doctrines 1 rebuked the spirit they were of, and by prophecy told them
that without speedily turning from it, they would become disgraceful
maniacs upon the streets, which proved more than true, as the same
week men and women of previous respectability were now in free love,
disgracefully and insanely mixed up in the public street-- apparently a
trick of the devil to forestall with disgrace and bring contempt upon a
sacred and holy law that the Lord was about to reveal through His
Prophet in Nauvoo.

Brother Babbitt had now concluded to close up business in Kirtland
and return west as soon as he could do so, to facilitate which 1 advanced
money to pay his pressing liabilities, and while he would go east we
would start west with suitable outfit, accompanied by his wife, my father
and younger sister, and he, coming by water, would meet us at Nauvoo,
bringing from Cincinnati and St. Louis goods to start business in
merchandise.

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We left Kirtland the first of June 1842 and with the beautiful weather
and good roads, we had hopes of a safe and pleasant journey. But our
animals were young and spirited and we had need both to watch and
pray, for we were often in great danger. An incident or two I will relate to
show that the Angel promised was always near. Soon after our start, our
horses still fresh and mettlesome, descended a long, steep and dangerous
dugway, with my wife and sister in the wagon. Just at the bottom as I
drew rein upon the level, the ring from the neck-yoke with the wagon
tongue dropped to the ground. The thought of the certainty of deaths had
it dropped a minute before, almost dazed me--but the Angel was there.
Another day, on appearance of a storm we put up at a tavern. I drove the
covered wagon in which my wife and self slept, under a large swinging
signboard hung between heavy posts, my father and sisters finding rooms
in the tavern while we occupied the wagon. In the terrible night storm
lightning shattered posts and signboard, piling the debris upon the front
of the wagon. Although for a time we felt ourselves killed, we were out all
right in the morning, with the footprints of the same Angel clearly in view.

But with all past experience I had a lesson yet to learn. We were just
over the Illinois line in the prairie country and it was the Sabbath. We had
driven hard all the week and needed rest, yet our anxiety was so great to
get to our friends that although we knew the Lord had said, "Thou shalt
rest on the Sabbath," yet in our haste we did not do so, and driving until
noon we crossed a deep creek, on the opposite bank of which was an
open space of beautiful grass, surrounded by timber and high brush. Our
teams were tired, and heretofore on the road had given no evidence that
they were easily frightened or disposed to run away. So driving into the
tall grass 1 slipped off their bridles, as I had often done before. But no
sooner had I done so than they began to show signs of fright, and
commenced to plunge and start to run. My father was just doing the same

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with his buggy horse, and my sisters stood holding the span attached to
the family carriage. 1 did all possible to quiet my team but they broke
away. My father's did the same; the others broke from the women, and all
went tearing through the timber and brush until every vehicle was
smashed and with goods and harness strung piece-meal for three-fourths
of a mile around. A greater smash up it was never my bad luck to see. At
first 1 looked upon the wreck as impossible to reconstruct, but we
gathered up and put the parts together and got all mechanical help
possible, labored hard, and by the next Sabbath day we had so far
reconstructed our vehicles that by noon we hitched up, and feeling again
tempted through anxiety we drove fifteen miles to early camp, but when
unhitching our horses they again--all but one--took fright, took the back
track, and as though spurred by the Evil One ran the whole distance to
our former camp. Upon the horse left I followed with utmost speed and
found them with legs terribly lacerated by the tug chains, and streaming
with blood and sweat. I made no stop, but hurried them back as fast as I
could ride, arriving in camp just before sunset, and was up much of the
night bathing the bruised legs of the animals, and telling the Lord if He
would now forgive me and give us His blessing for the rest of our journey
I would promise never to forget the experience of those two Sabbath
days.

We started early the next morning, and with all the fatigue and bruises,
our animals seemed all right, and made us no trouble afterwards. I knew
then and I know now that this experience was given to me of the Lord for
my profit, and to record as a testimony to my children, that the Lord will
not hold in favor those who do not rest upon and hallow the Sabbath day.

We arrived at Ramus, afterwards Macedonia, twenty miles east of
Nauvoo, first of July, where lived my mother with younger children, my

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brother, Joel H., and family, and brother, Joseph E., who had married in
my absence, and my younger sister, Mary E., who had married George
Wilson.

There had come another bereavement, another wave of sorrow for us
all as a family. Our youngest brother, Amos P., who had always been
delicate and had suffered from sciatic rheumatism through nearly the
whole period of my absence, had died but a few weeks previous to my
return. He was bright and most lovable, and being the youngest was the
darling of my poor mother whose loving heart had so often been made to
bow to the sorrows of bereavement. He was born January 15, 1829, and
died May 9, 1842, in his fourteenth year.

My return after an absence of two and a half years of such varied
experience, was a time of glad greeting for all. I had left home when but a
boy in experience, the uneducated one-starting while sick and without
money; and truly, that promised Angel had been with me, to preserve my
life and to open the way for my return in health, not now alone, for a
loved and loving wife accompanied me. I was not now so poor, and I felt
truly the Lord had given me more than I had earned and repaid all my
sacrifices.

1 soon visited Nauvoo, and 1 saw the Prophet, who cordially welcomed
my return with renewed blessing. I conversed with him upon the
business matters between him and Brother Babbitt, told him it had been a
time of test to Brother Babbitt's integrity, but with his arm around him I
felt he would remain true to the cause. He said he loved Brother Babbitt,
that he was capable of great good, and that the troubles should all be
bridged over, and Brother Babbitt should have no reason to complain. It
was the first time I had ever spoken to the Prophet with feelings and

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opinions of my own, and he seemed to love me more, because of my love
for Brother Babbitt, and told me, that as Brother Babbitt arrived we
should come together and see him, which we were able to do in a few
days. We found Brother Joseph in a happy mood and glad to see Brother
Babbitt. When business matters were brought forward relating to notes
bought from outsiders against him or the Church, Brother Joseph said to
him, "Now, Brother Almon, we will not disagree, for here is Brother
Benjamin; you have all confidence in him and so have 1; and now let us
leave all our differences to him and stand by it, and be good friends
forevermore," to which Brother Babbitt agreed.

All was settled at once, and all papers between them were placed in my
hands, which then included the Church property in Kirtland, and the
Prophet said then that he wished me to remain in Ramus, as it was then
called, and act as trustee or agent for the Church property at that place,
consisting of the then surveyed town plat and all the lands around the
town site. He then made and executed to me a power of attorney to use
his name in buying, selling, and deeding property, which power 1 held and
acted upon fully until the day of his martyrdom. Brother Babbitt had
bought a fine stock of merchandise with which to start business, and as
the troubles at Kirtland had complicated him financially, and wishing to
associate our business, by power of attorney all transactions were in my
name. At this time Brigham Young, then President of the Twelve, wished
to send me to Pittsburgh, to preside over and take charge of the branches
of the Church in that region. But my business outlook at home was
flattering, and I felt I should carefully look after the means that had come
to me. So like the "young man" with the Savior, 1 was a little sorrowful,
but secretly felt it was the road to real usefulness. But when 1 told Brother
Joseph, he said, "Tell Brother Brigham that Brother Joseph says, 'send

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someone else.'" But I always felt that he discerned my choice and decided
accordingly.

I was now selling goods, keeping a tavern, and doing all the Church
business for that town, which was second only to Nauvoo, and I was
growing not a little into the idea of getting rich. Yet I did not forget that I
was an elder, and not only took part in our meetings at home, but as often
as 1 found opportunity 1 would preach in the surrounding country to the
outside community. The Prophet often came to our town, but after my
arrival, he lodged in no house but mine, and I was proud of his partiality
and took great delight in his society and friendship. When with us, there
was no lack of amusement; for with jokes, games, etc., he was always
ready to provoke merriment, one phase of which was matching couplets
in rhyme, by which we were at times in rivalry; and his fraternal feeling,
in great degree did away with the disparity of age or greatness of his
calling.

1 can now see, as President George A. Smith afterwards said, that 1 was
then really "the bosom friend and companion of the Prophet Joseph." I
was as welcome at the Mansion as at my own house, and on one occasion
when at a full table of his family and chosen friends, he placed me at his
right hand and introduced me as his "friend, Brother B. F. Johnson, at
whose house he sat at a better table than his own." Sometimes when at
my house I asked him questions relating to past, present and future; some
of his answers were taken by Brother William Clayton, who was then
present with him, and are now recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants;
the one as to what the Lord told him in relation to seeing his face at 85
years of age; also the one as to the earth becoming as a sea of glass,
molten with fire. [D&C 130: 9, 14-17] Other questions were asked when
Brother Cla5^on was not present, one of which I will relate: I asked where

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the nine and a half tribes of Israel were. "Well," said he, "you remember
the old caldron or potash kettle you used to boil maple sap in for sugar,
don't you?" I said yes. "Well," said he, "they are in the north pole in a
concave just the shape of that kettle. And John the Revelator is with them,
preparing them for their return." Many other things of a public or private
nature I might here record, but will only note one or two, those pertaining
to our own family.

In Macedonia the Johnsons were quite numerous and influential and
the envious dubbed us the "Royal Family." When Joseph heard of this
honor conferred upon us by our neighbors, he said the name was and
should be a reality; that we were a royal family; and he knowing the
intemperance of my father, said that he should yet be a great man and
stand at the head of kingdom. On one occasion he blessed my mother and
told her that not one of all her children should ever leave the Church;
which, up to this, the year 1894, has been the case; and now as a family
we number not less than one thousand, not one of the kindred by blood
has ever yet apostatized that I know of.

In talking with my mother after the revelation [D&C 132] on plural
marriage was given, he told her that when the Lord required him to move
in plural marriage, that his first thought was to come and ask her for
some of her daughters; and 1 can now understand that the period alluded
to was at Kirtland, where she had three unmarried daughters at home,
two of whom died there, and Almira, the other, was sealed to him in
Nauvoo; the other two, Nancy M. and Susan E., being sealed to him by
proxy since his death.

As I have alluded to the law of plural marriage [D&C 132] I will relate
the time and manner in which it was taught to me.

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About the first of April, 1843, the Prophet with some of the Twelve and
others came to Macedonia to hold a meeting, which was to convene in a
large cabinet shop owned by Brother Joseph E. and myself, and as usual
he put up at my house. Early on Sunday morning he said, "Come Brother
Bennie, let us have a walk." I took his arm and he led the way into a by-
place in the edge of the woods surrounded by tall brush and trees. Here,
as we sat down upon a log he began to tell me that the Lord had revealed
to him that plural or patriarchal marriage was according to His law; and
that the Lord had not only revealed it to him but had commanded him to
obey it; that he was required to take other wives; and that he wanted my
Sister Almira for one of them, and wished me to see and talk to her upon
the subject. If a thunderbolt had fallen at my feet I could hardly have been
more shocked or amazed. He saw the struggle in my mind and went on to
explain. But the shock was too great for me to comprehend anything, and
in almost an agony of feeling 1 looked him squarely in the eye, and said,
while my heart gushed up before him, "Brother Joseph, this is all new to
me; it may all be true— you know, but 1 do not. To my education it is all
wrong, but I am going, with the help of the Lord to do just what you say,
with this promise to you--that if ever I know you do this to degrade my
sister I will kill you, as the Lord lives." He looked at me, oh, so calmly, and
said, "Brother Benjamin, you will never see that day, but you shall see the
day you will know it is true, and you will fulfill the law and greatly rejoice
in it." And he said, "At this morning's meeting, I will preach you a sermon
that no one but you will understand. And furthermore, I will promise you
that when you open your mouth to your sister, it shall be filled."

At the meeting he read the parable of the Talents, and showed plainly
that to him that hath shall be given more, and from him that had but one
should be taken that he seemed to have, and given to him who had ten.

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This, so far as I could understand, might relate to families, but to me there
was a horror in the idea of speaking to my sister upon such a subject, the
thought of which made me sick. But 1 had promised, and it must be done. I
did not remember his words, and have faith that light would come, I only
thought, "How dark it all looks to me.' But I must do it, and so told my
sister I wished to see her in a room by herself, where I soon found her
seated. 1 stood before her trembling, my knees shaking, but 1 opened my
mouth and my heart opened to the light of the Lord, my tongue was
loosened and I was filled with the Holy Ghost. I preached a sermon that
forever converted me and her also to the principle, even though her heart
was not yet won by the Prophet. And so I had great joy after my
tribulation.

He had asked me to bring my sister to the city, which I soon did, where
he saw her at my sister's, the Widow Sherman, who had already been
sealed to him by proxy. His brother, Hyrum, said to me, "Now, Brother
Benjamin, you know that Brother joseph would not sanction this if it was
not from the Lord. The Lord revealed this to Brother Joseph long ago, and
he put it off until the Angel of the Lord came to him with a drawn sword
and told him that he would be slain if he did not go forth and fulfill the
law." He told my sister to have no fears, and he there and then sealed my
sister, Almira, to the Prophet.

Soon after this he was at my house again, where he occupied my Sister
Almira's room and bed, and also asked me for my youngest sister, Esther
M. I told him she was promised in marriage to my wife's brother. He said,
"Well, let them marry, for it will all come right."

The orphan girl-Mary Ann Hale— that my mother had raised from a
child, was now living with us, of nearly the same age as my sister, and I

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asked him if he would not Hke her, as well as Almira. He said, "No, but she
is for you. You keep her and take her for your wife and you will be
blessed." This seemed like hurrying up my blessings pretty fast, but the
spirit of it came upon me, and from that hour I thought of her as a wife
that the Lord had given me.

In lighting him to bed one night he showed me his garments and
explained that they were such as the Lord made for Adam from skins, and
gave me such ideas pertaining to endowments as he thought proper. He
told me Freemasonry, as at present, was the apostate endowments, as
sectarian religion was the apostate religion.

In the evening he called me and my wife to come and sit down, for he
wished to marry us according to the Law of the Lord. I thought it a joke,
and said I should not marry my wife again, unless she courted me, for I
did it all the first time. He chided my levity, told me he was in earnest, and
so it proved, for we stood up and were sealed by the Holy Spirit of
Promise.

This occurrence is referred to in the life of Joseph Smith as "Spending
the evening in giving counsel to Brother Johnson and wife." At this time I
knew that the Prophet had as his wives, Louisa Beeman, Eliza R. Snow,
Maria and Sarah Lawrence, Sisters Lyon and Dibble, one or two of Bishop
Partridge's daughters, and some of C. P. Lott's daughters, together with
my own two sisters. And I also knew that Brother J. Bates Noble and
others had plural wives, and that the Prophet had sealed to me my first
and had given to me a second to be my wife. And 1 knew of other things in
the Prophet's life and teachings that 1 will not now write, but 1 do so well
remember his declarations in the meetings of the Saints, that the Lord

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had revealed to him principles, that should he teach and practice them,
those who were now his best friends would become his bitterest enemies.

This was already becoming apparent, and the end of his labors in this
life, with the hope of the rest prepared for the faithful was now beginning
to fill is weary soul. On one occasion, at Macedonia, after he had preached
to a large congregation through the day, and at evening meeting had
blessed nineteen children, he said to me, "Let us go home." We went
home, and I found my wife sitting with our first born still unblessed and
said, "See now what we have lost by our babe not being at meeting.
Brother Joseph repHed, "You shall lose nothing, for I will bless him too,"
which he did, and then sitting back heavily in a big chair before the fire,
and with a deep-drawn breath said, "Oh! 1 am so tired-so tired that I
often feel to long for my day of rest. For what has there been in this life
but tribulation for me? From a boy I have been persecuted by my
enemies, and now even my friends are beginning to join with them, to
hate and persecute me! Why should 1 not wish for my time of rest?"

His words to me were ominous, and they brought a shadow as of death
over my spirit, and I said, "Oh, Joseph! how could you think of leaving us?
How as a people could we do without you?" He saw my feehngs were
sorrowful and said kindly, "Bennie, if 1 was on the other side of the veil 1
could do many times more for my friends than 1 can do while 1 am with
them here." But the iron had gone into my soul, and I felt that in his words
there was a meaning that boded sorrow, and I could not forget them.

In the spring of 1843 1 had commenced to erect a large brick residence,
and when my sister came to be his wife, since she lived with us, he wished
to become part owner for her, and so it was arranged, that I should draw

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on him for his share, or use proceeds of sales of Church property, all of
which, though only verbal, was mutual between us.

Apostate spirits within were now joining with our enemies outside for
the destruction of the priesthood, for the Temple was progressing, and
the devil, striving for empire began to stir up, in them as in Judas, desire
for the Prophet's blood. The keys of endowments and plural marriage had
been given, and some had received their Second Anointing. Baptism for
the dead had been taught and the keys committed. All of these things I
then comprehended, though in some I had not fully participated. These
sacred principles were then committed to but a few, but not only were
they committed to me from the first, but from the first 1 was authorized
by the Prophet to teach them to others, when I was led to do so.

I was now progressing with my building, and had over 100,000 bricks
in its walls, besides cut stone. I was still selling goods, with a cabinet shop,
was burning brick and lime, and attending to my calling as trustee, when
traitors inside joined with outside enemies to destroy the Prophet. All of
this is written in church history, so I need not repeat.

At this time Father John Smith lived at and was President at
Macedonia, and by him 1 was ordained to the high priesthood. When he
was sent for by the Prophet to receive the Patriarchal Priesthood, 1
accompanied him to Nauvoo for that purpose, and obtained indirectly his
first blessing. My mother having finally separated from my father, by the
suggestion or counsel of the Prophet, she accepted of and was sealed by
him to Father John Smith. In this 1 felt not a little sorrow, for 1 loved my
father and knew him to be naturally a kind and loving parent, a just and
noble spirited man. But he had not obeyed the Gospel, had fought it with
his words; and as I knew a stream must have a fountain and does not rise

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above it, so I consoled myself, assured by the Prophet's words that a
better day would come to my father.

The days of tribulation were now fast approaching, for just as the
Prophet so often told us, so it came to pass; and those he had called
around him as a cordon of safety and strength were worse than a rope of
sand, and were now forging his fetters. William Law was his first
counselor; Wilson Law, Major General of the Legion; Wm. Marks,
President of the Stake; the Higbies, his confidential attorneys, and Dr.
Foster, his financial business agent. All of these and many others entered
into secret covenant so much worse than Judas, that they would have the
Prophet's life, just in fulfillment of what he had said so often publicly.
With all their power, they began to make a party strong enough to
destroy the Prophet.

At one of the meetings in the presence of the Quorum of the Twelve
and others who were encircled around him, he arose, gave a review of his
life and sufferings, and of the testimonies he had borne, and said that the
Lord had now accepted his labors and sacrifices, and did not require him
longer to carry the responsibilities and burden and bearing of this
kingdom. Turning to those around him, including the twelve, he said,
"And in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ 1 now place it upon my brethren
of this council, and 1 shake my skirts clear of all responsibility from this
time forth," springing from the floor and shaking his skirt at the same
time. At this same meeting he related a dream of a night or two previous.
He said he thought the Laws, the Higbies, Fosters and others had bound
him and cast him into a deep well, and while there he heard terrible cries
of anguish and loud calls for him. With his arms pinioned he worked his
way by his elbows so he could look over the top, and saw all who had
bound him with a terrible serpent just ready to devour them. He told

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them in his dream he gladly would help them, but they had bound him
and he was powerless now to help them; and in his presence they were
devoured by the serpent.

These things with those previous, impressed me strongly with a feeling
that some great change was near. In fact, the Prophet was often heard to
speak of his being made a sacrifice by those who had been his friends. But
this is my own life in review and not the Prophet's, yet at this time I was
so fully occupied by and with him, and my business and feelings so joined
to his, that I have little more than his history to write while he lived, to
fully chronicle my own.

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Chapter SEVEN DARK DAYS

The full break had now come in Nauvoo. The apostates had started to
publish the "Nauvoo Expositor" which was destroyed by the police, and
Joseph, being Mayor of the city, was held responsible for the act. Writs
were issued from Carthage for the arrest of the Prophet and others at
Nauvoo, from which he was released by habeas corpus by local legal
authority. All hell now seemed in commotion. Mobs were rising in all the
adjacent counties, with Missouri and Iowa in sympathy with our enemies.
All conspired for the destruction of the Prophet, with his beautiful city
and massive temple so fast nearing completion.

Before this, the Prophet had foreshadowed the close of his own earthly
mission, and the near approach of the time when the Saints in tribulation
would find a place of refuge in the far-off vales of the Rocky Mountains,
which has already taken place; and also relating still to the future, when a
path will be opened for the Saints through Mexico, South America, and to
the center Stake of Zion.

These, and many more great things were given by him, some of which,
as with the ancient disciples, we could not comprehend until fulfilled.

It was now June 1844, and mobs were destroying property, burning
homes of the Saints outside of Nauvoo, and threatening the city. Governor
Ford ordered out troops to enforce the law, but they were not reliable,
and all was excitement. On the 15th an order came for the able-bodied
men at Macedonia to hasten to Nauvoo. On the 16th we started, and to
avoid attack travelled all night across the prairie through mud, rain and
darkness, terrible to those who were there. The Prophet came out to
greet us. Here I remained a few days on duty, when I was sent by General

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Dunham, then in command, back to Macedonia to look after and keep up a
home guard.

It was now revealed to the Prophet that his only safety was in flight to
the Rocky Mountains, and he crossed the river with a few faithful friends
with a full purpose not to return. But through the persuasion and
reproaches of his wife, Emma, and others, he was induced to return and
give himself up to the slaughter. With all the persons who induced him to
return I was well acquainted, and I know that fearful has been the hand of
the Lord to follow them from the day they sought to steady the Ark of
God, which resulted in the martyrdom of his servants.

After returning to Macedonia 1 saw no more of Brothers Joseph and
Hyrum, but learned early on June 28th of their assassination. To attempt
to delineate the feelings of woe and unutterable sorrow that swelled
every heart too full for tears, I need not attempt. I stood up, dazed with
grief, could groan but could not weep. The fountain of tears was dry! "Oh
God! what will thy orphan church and people now do!" was the only
feeling or thought, that now burst out in groans.

I did not go to see their mutilated bodies. I had no wish to look into
their grave; 1 knew they were not there, and the words of Brother Joseph
began to come back to me, "1 could do so much more for my friends if I
were on the other side of the veil." These words, "my friends"--oh, how
glad that he was my friend. These thoughts gradually gained the empire
in my heart, and I began to realize that in his martyrdom there was a
great eternal purpose in the heavens. But we were not able, as yet, to
comprehend such a necessity. 1 could begin now to feel just what he
meant, and his words, "do for his friends," to me, were like the promise of
Jesus to provide mansions for his disciples that they might be with him

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always. These things now were my consolation, and when I could begin to
rejoice in them, the fountains of my tears began to flow, and 1 grew in
consolation from day to day.

Our enemies, who, on accomphshing the murder fled in fear of
Mormon vengeance, now began to return in boldness, and a mob came
and searched my new building for arms, and to take me on a writ, as they
had obtained evidence that I was a refugee from Missouri justice and was
one of the incendiaries in Daviess County. For days I was hidden in the
woods, where trusted friends brought me food and at times bore me
company. By degrees the excitement and feeling for persecution seemed
allayed, and we again had hope for a brief period of peace. But 1 had no
confidence now in anything here as a future home, and there was a great
financial depression in all kinds of business. I was broken up in
Macedonia, and my home, though enclosed, was unfinished, although
material was ready for its completion; but I had neither energy nor faith
enough to invest in it another dollar.

On November 14th Mary Ann Hale, given to me by the Prophet, was
sealed to me as a plural wife by Father John Smith, as directed by
President Brigham Young. But previous to this had transpired things 1
should not omit to relate.

At the time of the martyrdom all the Quorum of the Twelve were
absent except John Taylor and Dr. Richards, both of whom were with the
Prophet in the Carthage jail, and Sidney Rigdon having retained a partial
fellowship as one of Joseph's counselors, came forward claiming the right
of Guardian of the Church. James J. Strang also claimed through a spurious
revelation purporting to be through the Prophet that he should lead the
Church. And so matters stood until the return of the Twelve, when a

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conference was assembled, and President Rigdon was called upon to put
forth his claim before the people, which he did, and after closing his
remarks, which were void of all power or influence, President Brigham
Young arose and spoke. I saw him arise, but as soon as he spoke I jumped
upon my feet, for in every possible degree it was Joseph's voice, and his
person, in look, attitude, dress and appearance was Joseph himself,
personified; and 1 knew in a moment the spirit and mantle of Joseph was
upon him. Then I remembered his saying to the Council of which Sidney
Rigdon was never a member, and I knew for myself who was now the
leader of Israel. New confidence and joy continued to spring up within
me, and the subject of our finding a new home in the wilderness of the
great West was one that occupied much of my thoughts.

The cruel death of the Prophet now brought a new feeling and spirit
over my father. Instead of joy in his death, he greatly sorrowed that he
had ever been his enemy; he deplored his death and cursed bitterly his
murderers, and would gladly have assisted in bringing them to justice,
and this feeling never again left him.

Now came upon us another family bereavement, June 11, 1845. My
sister, Mary, just younger than myself, and my companion [married to
Brother George Wilson while on my mission], had died at childbirth with
her second infant. She dropped away before we could reach her, to
receive her last adieus. But she, like the others, died in full assurance of
the reward for the pure in heart of womankind. None could approach
nearer to angelic character, in childhood, girlhood or womanhood, nor
was there ever known from her associates one unkind word or feeling
towards her, and she died as she had lived, beloved by all who knew her.

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The great idea now was to finish the Temple to the acceptance of the
Lord, and prepare for the great move that the Saints now contemplated.

I was now called by the Council to rent and keep open the Nauvoo
Mansion, late home of the Prophet, and commenced arrangements to
leave Macedonia, feeling I should never return there for a home.

1 was still indebted in St. Louis for goods to the amount of $250 for
which I was now being pressed, and to settle which, I gave a deed for my
new brick building, with all needed material for completion that had cost
me even thousands, together with seven city lots lying together on which
it stood--all for that paltry sum, and then turned everything available in to
pay rent and furnishings for the Mansion, to keep the Prophet's hotel to
the credit of his name and his people.

From a broad and prosperous business and good circumstances, I was
now only a renter, with everything available invested in the furnishing
and supplying of a public house, while trouble was again beginning to
rise. The Temple was drawing near to completion. The devil was mad,
and his servants had already begun driving the Saints in from the
adjacent sections. I was now appointed one of the Captains of Fifty to
organize a company to prepare cooperatively for a journey to the west, by
constructing wagons, procuring teams, tents and general outfit. Public
travel was now cut off and all business profits with it; yet our expenses
were nearly the same, as the place must be kept open to receive county
and state officials; as also people who came to inquire into the causes of
our troubles.

Among these were Judge Stephen A. Douglas, James Arlington Bennett
of New York, and others, together with military officers sent by the

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Governor from time to time. So, instead of being profitable we were at
great expense with small returns.

I organized an emigration company and started wagon making in the
basement story of the large brick stable belonging to the Mansion, and
our hands were at work, but some of them had an eye more to their own
than to the company's profit, which brought trouble and loss to me. The
Temple was now open for endowments and sealings, and about
December 1, 1845, a third wife. Miss Clarinda Gleason, was sealed to me.

Here my real family troubles commenced. The third wife was much
older than the second, and was of broad experience and capability. She
was unwilling to be second to the younger, and was not satisfied with her
proper place, and there was now discord in the family circle.

Rumors of murders were rife. Jacob Backenstos, a man of sterling
integrity for law and order, was sheriff, and boarded at the Mansion. By
him or some of his posse, Frank Worrel, one of the mob leaders, was
killed, and it was said others were found dead and it was reported that
murders were committed at the Mansion stables--a suspicion prompted
no doubt by our cooperative mechanics and laborers at work in and
around its basement, then occupied as a wagon ship.

The mob spirit still prevaihng, a posse was ordered from Carthage
under military escort to explore the Mansion barn and stables for bodies
of the dead, said to have been buried by the Mormons. They were soon
convinced of the folly of their mission.

I now had three wives and three children, and all means left from the
Macedonia sacrifice had been expended in rent, furnishings, supplies and

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needed helps to keep the Mansion to its status of respectabihty. The time
was drawing near when the Presidency would cross the river, and for me
there would be no safety should 1 remain. President Young asked my
condition and I told him all. He said I must go, and told Brother Hyrum
Bostwick, one of my company, a man of means, to help me to an outfit.
But his means were his own, and the outfit came too slow to get in sight.
We were now invited to come to the Temple for our second anointing, but
having the historic Gen. Arlington Bennett as the city's guest, with his
associates to entertain, we were obliged to forego at that time the great
privilege and blessing.

1 was appointed with Bishop N. K. Whitney to visit Sister Emma for the
last time, and if possible persuade her to remain with the Church. Nearly
all night we labored with her, and all we could learn was that she was
willing to go with the Church on condition she could be the leading Spirit.
So we left her, and she did lead all who would follow her so long as she
lived.

Letter to George S. Gibbs, 1903, Church Archives

Source: Benjamin F. Johnson, Letter to George S. Gibbs, 1903, cited in E.
Dale LeBaron, "Benjamin Franklin Johnson: Colonizer, Pubhc Servant, and
Church Leader" [M.A. thesis, Brigham Young University, 1967), pp. 325-
46.

Dear Brother:

In resuming my answer to your scholarly and effusive epistle, I feel in
every degree incompetent to the task. Especially do 1 feel the want of
learning, and my writings, of course, must betray to you my poverty in
classical education. Through childhood and early youth, my advantages,
even for primary education, were the most meager. At seventeen, I

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attended the winter term of the grammar school taught by William E.
McLellin, in Kirtland, and presided over by the Prophet; at the same time
attending night lectures in geography. These were my greatest
opportunities for schooling, and in them was finished my school
education; and if I have acquired in life anything further of worth, it has
been as snatched from the wayside while on the run as a missionary,
pioneer or while in Nature's great laboratory with the axe, plow, spade or
garden implements. 1 have been hard at work to provide sustenance for
that flock which the Father has sent to my special care. And while it may
be a degree common, even with the youth of Zion, whose advantages so
far surpass their parents', to look upon the aged as "black numbers," "old
fossils," or "mossbacks" , yet not one whit of that spirit do 1 feel in your
letter, and my heart goes out toward you in love and blessing, as though
you were indeed one of my own sons. And I most earnestly pray that the
Lord will so inspire my thoughts and so awaken a remembrance of the
past, that I may be able to write to you as by the voice of the spirit of my
calling in the Priesthood of the fathers, of anything pertaining to the
gospel principle or of our historic past, that may better equip you for that
sphere of greater callings and responsibilities that await you as a son in
Zion, in the lineage of Ephraim, and of the seed of the blessed.

Yours thoughts in regard to the need of positive keys for interpreting
our true position, condition and relation to the gospel, both in the past
and for the future, strictly accord with my own, and to me it simply means
that the spark of life or of light, brought with us at birth, through a
cumulative experience, has attained its present status in intellectual and
physical power.

In infancy we were fed upon milk, and in childhood by a loving hand,
while our mistakes were tenderly admonished. As we became older we

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began to grasp the principles and issues of physical life and the modes for
its sustenance through labors of our hands; while the gospel, as an
alphabet, with its possibilities of reaching every principle of truth and
light within the great science of eternal lives, is given to us as spiritual or
intellectual food, through which, by faith, we can forever grow in the
knowledge and power of the Gods, to become in reality and fullness even
the "Sons of God," with glory, exaltation, dominion and eternal
progression, through the procreation of endless lives.

And to how much of this greatness in knowledge and power have we
yet attained? As well may little children in making their mud pottery
claim perfection as sculptors, as for us to claim a fullness in the
knowledge of Gospel principles, precepts, or powers.

When were we, as a people, ever able fully to live by the law given to us
of the Lord? In 1831 and '32' we were tried in Missouri with the Law of
consecration, in which we failed; in '33' we were given, in Kirtland, the
Order of Enoch and the Word of Wisdom. The Order of Enoch was not
fully honored, and after seventy years experience in accumulating
wisdom many are not yet wise. While through His mercy, the Lord in '36,
gave us, when under His rod, the Law of Tithing in place of the former
law, but how have we, as a people, fulfilled it? And again, when in '43' he
gave us, by command the high and holy law of Plural Marriage, with the
sealing power of the Holy Priesthood, did we, as a people, receive it in the
spirit and purpose for which it was given? Or have we been slow in
comprehending even the primary lessons and precepts of this life's
mission?

And as for even our leaders being always filled with the light of their
calling, to see the "end from the beginning," or always to discern correctly

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the thoughts and purposes of others, has not been, according to my
experience or l^nowledge. Does not the Lord tell us in D&C 130, that the
Holy Ghost may descend upon a man and not always remain with him?
And do we not all, at times, feel that to be a reality, as did the Master,
when through mental anguish He "sweat blood at every pore", as also
when upon the cross He cried out in agony of soul to His Father to know
why He was forsaken? And to show a change of mood, even in our great
Head, witness Him entwining a rope and in anger scourging out
merchants and money changers from the temple and kicking over their
tables, and in a gush of resentment toward those who hated Him he cries
out: "Oh you Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, ye are of your father the
devil, and his works ye do!" calling them "garnish sepulchres, full of dead
men's bones", "robbers of widows and orphans, and oppressors of the
poor"; and as though He would have them fight for the kingdom He had
sent them to preach. He told those who had not swords "to sell their coats
and buy one". But oh! how changed in feehng, when He, on the cross,
could realize the enormity of their guilt and the greater sufferings
consequent to them, and then with heart melted in pity for His murderers
and those that hated Him, He cried to His Father with entreaty that they
be forgiven.

And just such phases, to a degree, have 1 witnessed in the life and
character of our great Prophet, who stood in the presence of both the
Father and the Son and personally conversed with them both; being often
visited by Holy Angels, while continually receiving by revelation the word
of the Lord to His people. And yet he was altogether of "like passions with
his brethren and associates."

"As a son, he was nobility itself, in love and honor of his parents; as a
brother he was loving and true, even unto death; as a husband and father.

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his devotion to wives and children stopped only at idolatry. And his life's
greatest motto after 'God and His Kingdom' was that of 'wives, children
and friends'". And on one Sunday morning while sitting with him in the
Mansion dining room in private converse, two of Emma's children came
to him, as just from their mother, all so nice, bright and sweet, and calling
to them my attention, he said, "Benjamin, look at these children, how
could 1 help loving their mother; if necessary, 1 would go to hell for such a
woman." And although at the time he had in the Mansion other wives,
younger and apparently more brilliant, yet Emma, the wife of his youth, to
me, appeared the queen of his heart and of his home.

But to return: joseph the Prophet, as a friend he was faithful, long
suffering, noble and true to the degree that the erring who did love him
were at times reminded that the rod of a friend was better than the kiss of
an enemy, "while others who sopped in his dish" but bore not reproof,
became his enemies, and like Laws, Marks, Foster, Higby and others— who
hated him and conspired to his death.

As a companion, socially, he was highly endowed; was kind, generous,
mirth loving, and at times, even convivial. He was partial to a well
supplied table and he did not always refuse the wine that "maketh glad
the heart". For amusement, he would sometimes wrestle with a friend, or
oftener would test strength with others by sitting on the floor with feet
together and stick grasped between them, but he never found his match.
Jokes, rebuses, matching couplets in rhymes, etc., were not uncommon.
But to call for the singing of one or more of his favorite songs was more
frequent. Of those, "Wife, Children and Friends", "Battle of River Russen" ,
"Soldiers' Tear", "Soldier's Dream" and "Last Rose of Summer", were most
common. And yet, although so social and even convivial at times, he
would allow no arrogance or undue liberties, and criticism, even by his

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associates, was rarely acceptable, and contradiction would rouse in him
the lion at once, for by no one of his fellows would he be superseded or
disputed and in the early days at Kirtland, and elsewhere one or more of
his associates were more than once, for their impudence, helped from the
congregation by his (Joseph's) foot, and at one time at a meeting at
Kirtland, for insolence to him, he soundly thrashed his brother William
who boasted himself as invincible. And while with him in such fraternal,
social and sometimes convivial moods, we could not then so fully realize
the greatness and majesty of his calling, which, since his martyrdom, has
continued to magnify in our lives, as the glories of this last dispensation
more fully unfold to our comprehension.

One small incident, among the many, I will relate to show his playful,
familiar, kind and loving nature toward one who to him was as a protege
or a younger brother. Soon after the Prophet's escape from Missouri and
arrival at Old "Commerce," the future Nauvoo, in 1839, I was with him.
The people had flocked in from the terrible exposures of the past and
nearly every one was sick with intermittent or other fevers, of which
many died. In this time of great sickness, poverty and death, the Prophet
called his brother, Don Carlos, and cousin, G. A. Smith, as missionaries to
administer to and comfort the people. And there being there two young
Botanic medical students Doctors Wiley and Pendleton, he called them to
prescribe medicine, and called me to follow and take general oversight
and care of all the sick, which for weeks, I did, without even one night of
respite for sleep. The forepart of September, Dr. Wiley became sick unto
death, which soon occurred, after which the Prophet too had a violent
attack of the prevailing sickness. And as Emma was in no degree able to
care for him, it wholly developed upon me, and both day and night,
through a period of little less than two weeks I was hardly absent from
his room; as almost his only food was gruel, and about the only treatment

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he would accept was a flush of the colon with warm water perhaps
tinctured slightly with capsicum and myrrh, or a little soda and salt, both
of which were prepared and administered by me in the room he
occupied; and if any sleep came to me it was while lying upon his bed or
sitting in my chair. At the termination of this sickness and fasting, he
arose from his bed like a lion, or as a giant refreshed with wine. He went
to President Rigdon with great reproof, commanding him and his house
to repent; and called for a skiff, crossed the river, and finding Elijah
Fordham in death's struggle, he commanded him to arise, which he did at
once, and was made whole as also were others by his administrations.

But 1 am writing at too great length. Soon after the Prophet's recovery I
too came apparently nigh unto death through a violent attack of the fever,
through which my comfort was kindly looked after by the Prophet.

About the middle of October a letter came to say that my dear mother
and young sister were apparently near to death, in Springfield Illinois,
and were anxious for my return. And in my anxiety again to see my
mother, I procured quinine, which was just becoming known as an
antidote for fevers and taking it in large doses, my fever soon abated, and
under it's tonic influence I fancied I had become well, and in great
kindred at Springfield. My horse was in the yard ready to mount, but 1
wished to take leave of the Prophet, with the hope again to receive his
blessing. Of the whole sum I had obtained with which to pay for an outfit
and passage to England, with the twelve, when they should start, to which
I had been called by the June Conference at Quincy, "I had but one ten
dollar bill, 1 said, "As this is all 1 have left, 1 went to pay a tithe of it." He
saw 1 was weak in body and that my heart was sad in leaving him, so
thinking to cheer and arouse me, when putting the nine silver dollars in
my hand he playfully knocked my hand upward, and scattering the money

Ill

all over the room. My heart was so full of tears, and my emotions must
have vent, so forgetting all but the feeling that we were boy companions
playing together, I sprang at and grappled him, as though to teach him a
lesson, but the lesson was all to me, for on making one grand effort to
throw him, I found myself in strength no more than a bulrush as
compared with him, and as my strength was fictitious and my real
recovery was but illusion, collapsed and fainted in his arms. He placed me
in repose, and did all necessary for my restoration and comfort. Then
gathering up the scattered money, and after a period of delay, weak,
trembling and desolate, yet determined to start, I led my horse to the
other gate and as I was passing through, with the bridle on my arm, his
hand detained me, and placing his hands upon my head, he seemed to
pour out his soul in blessing me. He told the Lord 1 had been faithful to
care for others, that I was now worn and sick, and that on my journey I
would need his care, and he asked that a special guardian might go with
me from that day and stay with me through all my life. And oh! my dear
brother, how often have 1 seen through life and footprints of that angel,
and knew that his hand had drawn me back from death.

The day after leaving Nauvoo my fever returned with all of its
virulence. The next day, near night, I was found by the Prophet's brother
William, lying helpless by the roadside, and the next evening 1 was found
by strangers, being unconscious in the road, who kindly cared for me
until I could again get upon my horse to finish the journey to my mother
in Springfield, where I soon arrived, and remained very sick until
Apostles Young and Kimball came in January to find me apparently nigh
unto death with hemorrhage of the bowels. At leaving, they told me to
take a mission East so soon as able to start, which 1 did through kindness
of Brother James Standing, who, upon my bed in a sleigh took me a
hundred and ten miles to Paris, Illinois. Turning home on bare ground, he

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left me in deep mud, alone, and near penniless, sick and among strangers,
while borne to the earth by a burden of bashful ignorance— the long
green of young manhood; but my "Angel" was always with me to open the
way.

Now you see how I have wandered from the subject of your "Three
Keys," but you said you wanted to learn more of my history and
personalities, so what I have written may serve as a glimpse of my earlier
life.

Now, returning to the subject, shall I tell you that just the other day at
Quarterly Conference one of our best missionary speakers was led to say
that "our Gospel was revealed as a whole, and not fragmentary", and 1 felt
to tell him that the Gospel had not only been given to us by fragments, but
that of the great science of Eternal Lives, we have not yet received or
learned more than it's alphabet; and perfection here can only exist in
parts or degrees. And while the Holy Ghost may not always remain upon a
man, may not even a prophet to whom it was not yet all revealed, make
mistakes, as in the baptism for the dead, and also in the prophet sermon
at the funerals of a child of Winzor Lyon and King Follett, when he
preached that children, "even infants, would sit upon thrones with
dominion," which was published in the "Times and Seasons" at the time,
but which, like President Woodruff, 1 am positive he afterwards
reconsidered. And those who were with him in Kirtland, Missouri and
Nauvoo, will remember many things in which his sanguine and prophetic
hopes seemed disappointed.

The Prophet Joseph laid the foundation of our Church in a military
spirit, and as the Master taught His disciples, so he taught us to "sell our
coat and buy swords", but never did the sword fully prevail with us, not

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even with the Indians, and never before were we apparently so safe from
them, or our outside enemies, as since the Lord, through the government,
permitted us to be robbed of armed self protection; and even our mission
martyrs have generally been murdered after a show of resistance. And
are we not beginning to see that charity is the life and core of our
religion? and that love is the great life spring and centrifugal power of the
universe, and in our gospel there appears no place for hate or
resentment,-not even towards those that would nail us to the cross.

Yet neither in Kirtland, Missouri or Nauvoo, did we fully comply with
this rule, and even in Utah many were left to cherish toward our poor
lamanite brethren, vindictiveness and hate; and in Missouri by Apostle
Lyman Wight we were taught to "pray for our enemies," that God would
damn them, and "give us power to kill them". And while "three witnesses"
with his counsellors and many of the apostles with their president, as also
many others of our leading men, had turned their "heel against the
Prophet, how could he, in such disunion and enmity, always be strong in
the might of his calling? And as the "eyes" of the Church, betrayed by
those he loved who had so often "sopped with him" when there was little
in the dish, under such disappointment and sorrow, may he not have
been bhnded even by his tears?

Jesus spent His life in teaching His disciples, and yet they did not
understand Him or His doctrine. And although He spent a long period
after His resurrection in teaching them of the "common salvation," and
although His last word to them was a command to "baptize all nations"
yet Peter, the chief Apostle, had not yet swallowed it; and the Lord had at
last to choke it down him, through his vision upon the housetop. And even
after that, Paul "withstood" his partiality for the old law.

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And now of your third Key, I do not feel to say much, as I fear I am
writing in too great profusion, and that what I have written you will deem
as of little worth. But from my standpoint of view, 1 can see that we have
been in evolution since from before the world was, and that we were
never without our agency, and never will be, unless we become the sons
of Perdition, and that through our voluntary doings, or our failing to do.
We fore-ordained, or elected ourselves to just the condition in which we
were placed on earth; and we are now, through our works of good or evil,
ordaining ourselves to the good or evil that awaits us in the great future.
And I see that only through darkness do we comprehend the light, and
that by their opposite do we comprehend the attributes and exaltation of
the Gods. And just as we know love and care for our little children and
forsee effects to them from causes, and have a purpose beyond their
comprehension for their good, just so our Father has a purpose in
ever5^hing relating to our condition here, for we are not here by accident
or mistake, and that "all things must work to the good of those who fear
God" and evolute in the "upward and onward"; and so 1 will thus leave
your third key.

And then you would have "further truths from the teachings of the
Prophet". And where shall I commence? And how shall I write to your
understanding even the little 1 may have retained in memory? You will
not forget that the march in science through the last seventy years has in
many things reversed the world's thought, changed its modes and almost
its face, and is fast exploding the dogmas of outside theology. Well, the
keys to all this knowledge were first committed to the Prophet Joseph, as
a part of the gospel, for the world's benefit, for all of which he was
derided. He was the first in this age to teach "substantialism", the eternity
of matter, that no part or particle of the great universe could become
annihilated or destroyed; that light and life and spirit were one; that all

115

light and heat are the "Glory of God", which is his power, that fills the
"immensity of space", and is the life of all things, and permeates with
latent life, and heat, every particle of which all worlds are composed; that
light or spirit, and matter, are the two first great primary principles of the
universe, or of Being; that they are self-existent, co-existent,
indestructible, and eternal, and from these two elements both our spirits
and our bodies were formulated, and he gave us to understand that there
were twelve kingdoms, or planets, revolving around our solar system, to
which the Lord gave an equal division of His time or ministry and that
now was His time to again visit the earth. He taught that all systems of
worlds were in revolution, the lesser around the greater. He taught that
all the animal kingdoms would be resurrected, and made us understand
that they would remain in the dominion of those who, with creative
power, reach out for dominion, through the power of eternal lives. He
taught us that the saints would fill the great West, and through Mexico,
Central and South America we would do a great work for the redemption
of the remnant of Jacob. Of what he taught us relating to the Kingdom of
God, as it would become organized upon the earth through "all nations
learning war no more", and all adopting the God-given constitution of the
United States as a Palladium of Liberty and Equal Rights.

But this, of itself, would require a long chapter, which must wait until
the fulfillment of a prediction by the Prophet, relating to a "Testimony
that I should bear, after I had become hoary with age, of things which he
that day taught to the circle of friends then around him," of whom I am
the only one living. So here I will leave this subject for your further
interrogations, and proceed to give you, so far as 1 can remember the
Prophet Joseph's last charge to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

116

It was at Nauvoo early in 1844 in an assembly room, common to the
meeting of the Council, or a select circle of the Prophet's most trusted
friends, including all the Twelve, but not all the constituted authorities of
the Church, for Presidents Rigdon, Law or Marks, the High Council nor
Presidents of Quorums were not members of that council, which at times
would exceed fifty in number. Its sittings were always strictly private, and
all its rules were carefully and promptly observed and although its
meetings were at times oftener than monthly and my home at Ramus
over twenty miles distant, I was present at every session, and being about
the youngest member of the council, I was deeply impressed with all that
transpired, or was taught by the Prophet.

Criticism had already commenced by those near him in authority with
regard to his teachings and his doing. And we began now, in a degree, to
understand the meaning of what he had so often publicly said, that
"should he teach and practice the principles that the Lord had revealed to
him, and now requested of him, that those then nearest him in the stand
would become his enemies and the first to seek his life"; which they soon
did, just as he had foretold. And to show you that under conditions then
existing that the Prophet did not really desire longer to live, and that you
may see how my mind was in a degree prepared for after results, I will
briefly relate an incident that occurred at his last visit to us at Ramus.

After he had at evening preached with great animation to a large
congregation and had blessed nineteen children, he turned to me and
said, "Benjamin, I am tired, let us go home", which only a block distant, we
soon reached, and entering we found a warm fire with a large chair in
front, and my wife sitting near with her babe, our eldest, upon her lap,
and approaching her, I said, "Now, Melissa, see what we have lost by your
not going to meeting. Brother Joseph has blessed all the children in the

117

place but ours, and it is left out in the cold." But the Prophet at once said,
"You shall lose nothing", and he proceeded to bless our first born, and
then, with a deep drawn breath as a sigh of weariness, he sank down
heavily in his chair, and said, "Oh! I do get so tired and weary, that at
times I almost yearn for my rest", and then proceeded briefly to recount
to us some of the most stirring events of his life's labors, suffering and
sacrifices, and then he said, "1 am getting tired and would like to go to my
rest." His words and tone thrilled and shocked me, and like an arrow
pierced my hopes that he would long remain with us, and I said, as with a
heart full of tears, "Oh! Joseph, what could we, as a people do without
you? and what would become of the great Latter-day work if you should
leave us?" He saw and was touched by my emotions, and in reply he said,
"Benjamin, 1 should not be far away from you, and if on the other side of
the veil I should still be working with you, and with a power greatly
increased, to roll on this kingdom." And such was the tone, earnestness
and pathos of his words to me then, that they can never be fully recalled
but with emotion.

And now before fully returning to the council and subject in connection
with the above, I will relate a dream told to us in council by the Prophet
but a short time before his death, which was as follows: "I dreamed that
by the Laws, Marks, Higby's and Fosters, 1 was bound; both hand and foot
and cast into a deep well, soon after which 1 heard screams of terror and
cries of 'Oh! Brother Joseph, save us, save us!" This cry continued until
with my elbows and toes I had worked my way to the top, and looking
out, I saw all of those who had bound me within the folds of a terrible
serpent, that was preparing to swallow them, and 1 told them that as they
had bound me, 1 could render them no assistance." This dream made
upon my mind an impression never forgotten, and just as he related it, so

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it was fulfilled in his death; for those were the men that opened the way
for his assassination.

And now returning to the council and the "Last Charge." Let us
remember that by revelation he had reorganized the Holy Priesthood, and
by command of the Lord (D&C 124 and D&C 123) had taken from the
First Presidency his brother Hyrum to hold as Patriarch, the sealing
power, the first and highest honor due to priesthood; that he had turned
the keys of endowments, to the last anointing, and sealing together with
keys of Salvation for the dead, with the eternity of the marriage covenant
and the power of endless lives. All these keys he held, and under these
then existing conditions he stood before that association of his select
friends, including all the Twelve, and with great feeling and animation he
graphically reviewed his life of persecution, labor and sacrifice for the
church and kingdom of God, both of which he declared were now
organized upon the earth. The burden of which had become too great for
him longer to carry, that he was weary and tired with the weight he so
long had borne, and he then said, with great vehemence: "And in the
name of the Lord, I now shake from my shoulders the responsibilities of
bearing off the Kingdom of God to all the world, and here and now I place
that responsibility, with all the keys, powers and privileges pertaining
thereto, upon the shoulders of you the Twelve Apostles, in connection
with this council; and if you will accept this, to do it, God shall bless you
mightily and shall open your way; and if you do it I now shake my
garments clear and free from the blood of this generation and of all men";
and shaking his skirt with great vehemence he raised himself from the
floor, while the spirit that accompanied his words thrilled every heart as
with a feeling that boded bereavement and sorrow.

119

And now, my dear brother, after 60 years have passed, at 85 in age, I
bear to you and to all the world a solemn testimony of the truth and
veracity of what I have written above, for although so many years have
intervened, they are still in my mind, as fresh as when they occurred; no
doubt as a part fulfillment of a prediction by the Prophet relating to
"testimonies I should bear of his teachings, after I had become hoary with
age."

There were, dear brother, other teachings to that council, of which I am
not at full liberty to write, but if I had your ear, I would remember that
the Prophet once said to me: "Benjamin, in regard to those things I have
taught you privately, that are not yet for the public, 1 give you the right
when you are so led, to commit them to others, for you will not be led
wrong in discerning those worthy of your confidence."

And now to your question, "How early did the Prophet Joseph practice
polygamy?" 1 hardly know how wisely to reply, for the truth at times may
be better withheld; but as what 1 am writing is to be published only under
strict scrutiny of the wisest, I will say, that the revelation [D&C 132] to
the Church at Nauvoo, July 21, 1843, on the Eternity of the Marriage
Covenant and the Law of Plural Marriage, was not the first revelation of
the law received and practiced by the Prophet. In 1835, at Kirtland, 1
learned from my sister's husband, Lyman R. Sherman, who was close to
the Prophet, and received it from him, "that the ancient order of Plural
Marriage was again to be practiced by the Church." This at the time, did
not impress my mind deeply, although there then lived with his family a
neighbor's daughter, Fannie Alger, a very nice and comely young woman
about my own age, toward whom not only myself, but every one, seemed
partial for the amiability of her character; and it was whispered even then
that Joseph loved her. After this, there was some trouble with Jared

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Carter, and through Brother Sherman I learned that "as he had built
himself a new house, he now wanted another wife", which Joseph would
not permit.

And then there was some trouble with Oliver Cowdery, and whisper
said it was relating to a girl then living in his family; and I was afterwards
told by Warren Parish, that he himself and Oliver Cowdery did know that
Joseph had Fannie Alger as a wife, for they were spied upon and found
together. And I can now see that as at Nauvoo, so at Kirtland, that the
suspicion or knowledge of the Prophet's plural relation was one of the
causes of apostasy and disruption at Kirtland although at the time there
was little said publicly on the subject.

Soon after the Prophet's flight in winter of 1837 and 1838, the Alger
family left for the West and stopping in Indiana for a time Fannie soon
married to one of the citizens there, and although she never left the state,
she did not turn from the Church nor from her friendship with the
Prophet while she lived.

And now, looking back through the stirring adventures and incidents
of thriUing experience of the four years that followed, from 1838 to 1843,
such as accompanying the "Kirtland Poor Camp", and arriving in Missouri
just in time to take in all the experience of that period, such as
imprisonment in Wilson's camp with for many days— the Hauns Mill and
McBride murderers as my guards, my wonderful escape and
preservation, and my return the following summer to meet the Prophet at
Nauvoo, with the terrible sickness that followed, both with others and
myself; after which a two and a half year's mission to Canada and Middle
States, all so full of change and thrilling incidents that all past experience
of my life seemed as partly swallowed up or forgotten, but on meeting the

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Prophet at my return to Nauvoo, in June, 1842, he greeted me with great
warmth, and almost at once installed me as his legal agent, with the right
to use his name as 1 might be led in business transactions, especially as
related to the Church lands and town property of Ramus, all of which
were placed by my charge.

And now, in visiting my sister, the widow of Lyman R. Sherman, who
died a martyr to the conditions at Far West, 1 found with her a former
acquaintance. Sister Louisa Beeman, and I saw from appearances that
they were both in his care, and that he provided for their comfort; and as I
was held closely to business, and my home at Ramus was twenty miles
distant, 1 saw but little of them until after the Prophet, in early spring of
1843, had come to Ramus to teach me plural marriage, and to ask my
other sisters to be his wives, an account of which I have heretofore given
by sworn statement but will here repeat as it occurred.

It was Sunday morning, April 3rd or 4th, 1843, that the Prophet was at
my home in Ramus, and after breakfast he proposed a stroll together, and
taking his arm, our walk led toward a swail, surrounded by trees and tall
brush and near the forest line not far from my house. Through the swail
ran a small spring brook, across which a tree was fallen and was clean of
its bark. On this we sat down and the Prophet proceeded at once to open
to me the subject of plural and eternal marriage and he said that years
ago in Kirtland the Lord had revealed to him the ancient order of plural
marriage, and the necessity for its practice, and did command him then to
take another wife, and that among his first thoughts was to come to my
mother for some of her daughters. And as he was again required of the
Lord to take more wives, he had come now to ask me for my sister Almira.

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My words astonished me and almost took my breath. I sat for a time
amazed and finally, almost ready to burst with emotion, 1 looked him
straight in the face and said: "Brother Joseph, this is something 1 did not
expect, and I do not understand it. You know whether it is right, I do not. I
want to do just as you tell me, and I will try, but if I ever should know that
you do this to dishonor and debauch my sister, I will kill you as sure as
the Lord lives." And while his eyes did not move from mine, he said with a
smile, in a soft tone: "But Benjamin you will never know that, but you will
know the principle in time, and will greatly rejoice in what it will bring to
you." "But how," I asked, "Can I teach my sister what I myself do not
understand, or show her what I do not myself see?" "But you will see and
understand it," he said, "And when you open your mouth to talk to your
sister, light will come to you and your mouth will be full and your tongue
loose, and I will today preach a sermon to you that none but you will
understand." Both of these promises were more than fulfilled. The text of
his sermon was our use of the "one, five and ten talents," and as God had
now commanded plural marriage, and was exaltation and dominion of the
saints depended upon the number of their righteous posterity, from him
who was then but with one talent, it would be taken and given him that
had ten, which item of doctrine seems now to be somewhat differently
constructed.

But my thought and wish is to write of things just as they occurred, and
I now bear an earnest testimony that his other prediction was more than
fulfilled, for when with great hesitation and stammering I called my sister
to a private audience, and stood before her shaking with fear, just so soon
as 1 found power to open my mouth, it was filled, for the light of the Lord
shone upon my understanding, and the subject that had seemed so dark
now appeared of all subjects pertaining to our gospel the most lucid and
plain; and so both my sister and myself were converted together, and

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never again did I need evidence or argument to sustain that high and holy
principle. And within a few days of this period my sister accompanied me
to Nauvoo, where at our sister Delcena's, we soon met the Prophet with
his brother Hyrum and Wm. Clayton, as his private secretary, who always
accompanied him. Brother Hyrum at once took me in hand, apparently in
fear I was not fully converted, and this was the manner of his talk to me:
"Now Benjamin, you must not be afraid of this new doctrine, for it is all
right. You know Brother Hyrum don't get carried away by worldly things,
and he fought this principle until the Lord showed him it was true. I know
that Joseph was commanded to take more wives, and he waited until an
angel with a drawn sword stood before him and declared that if he longer
delayed fulfilling that command he would slay him." This was the manner
of Brother Hyrum's teaching to me, which 1 then did not need, as I was
fully converted.

Meanwhile, the Prophet, with Louisa Beeman and my sister Delcena,
had it agreeable arranged with Sister Almera, and after a little instruction
she stood by the Prophet's side and was sealed to him as a wife, by
Brother Cla5^on; after which the Prophet asked me to take my sister to
occupy number "10" in his Mansion home during her stay in the city. But
as I could not long be absent from my home and business, we soon
returned to Ramus, where on the 15th of May, some three weeks later,
the Prophet again came and at my house occupied the same room and
bed with my sister, that the month previous he had occupied with the
daughter of the late Bishop Partridge, as his wife.

And at this time he sealed to me my first wife for eternity, and gave to
me my first plural wife, Mary Ann Hale, an orphan girl raised by my
mother then living with us, who is still with me, and is probably the only
wife still living with the man to whom she was given by the Prophet.

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At the marriage of Sister Almera to the Prophet, there was still our
youngest sister, for whom he manifest partiality, and would gladly have
married, also, but she being young and partially promised to my first
wife's brother, although reluctantly, the matter by him was dropped.

On learning from the Prophet that even in Kirtland "the Lord had
required him to take plural wives, and that he had then thought to ask for
some of my sister,s" the past with its conditions and influences began
more fully to unfold to my mind, the causes that must, at least in part,
have led to the great apostasy and disruption in Kirtland. Without a doubt
in my mind, Fanny Alger was, at Kirtland, the Prophet's first plural wife,
in which, by right of his calling, he was justified of the Lord [see D&C
132:59-60); while Oliver Cowdery, J. Carter, W. Parish, or others were not
justified of the Lord either in their criticisms upon the doings of the
Prophet, or in their becoming a "law unto themselves," through which
they lost the light of their calling and were left in darkness.

Fanny A., when asked by her brother and others, even after the
Prophet's death, regarding her relations to him, replied: "That is all a
matter of our own, and I have nothing to communicate." Her parents died
in Utah, true to the church. And to my knowledge, was by President
Kimball in the temple at St. George introduced as "Brother of the Prophet
Joseph's first plural wife."

The marriage of my eldest sister to the Prophet was before my return
to Nauvoo, and it being tacitly admitted, 1 asked no questions.

And as to the number that came into the plural order, before the
Prophet's death, I can think of but five, whose names I will not now

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attempt to recall, but the number soon after his death began to increase.
But on the finishing of the Temple, with endowments that followed, the
number was greatly augmented. And so there was at least a "few who had
accepted" and practiced plural marriage from about 1842 to 1852, when
the revelation was published to the world.

"How generally was polygamy practiced in Utah?" is a question that 1
am not qualified to answer, but from my narrow observation, 1 would
"guess" that one-tenth of our church men married plurally, and that two-
thirds of that number made a fair success in raising good families, and
that the other third was more or less a failure. But my judgment is not to
be fully relied upon.

Of the number of plural marriages in Joseph's day, I have already said
of men there was but few, comprising the Prophet and part of the twelve,
with a few others who were his confidential or bosom friends.

You ask if plural marriage was ever Mandatory? If you mean by the
Lord then I say yes; for it was by command to the Prophet from the first.
But from the Prophet to the people, it came as counsel, which when
personally given, was not always heeded. But no one who lived worthy of
his priesthood and calling was deprived of a right to plural marriage. And
just as it was a "happy privilege" for us in poverty and self-sacrifice to
have our homes to preach the gospel, or to fill any calling in labors of love
and charity for the salvation of the Father's children, thereby to learn
their gratitude and love as our reward just so it was a privilege. For how
do we attain to real happiness but in administering happiness to others?

The first command was to "multiply" and the Prophet taught us that
dominion and power in the Great Future would be commensurate with

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the number of "wives, children and friends" that we inherit here, and that
our mission to the earth was to organize a nuclei of Heaven, to take with
us, to the increase of which there would be no end.

And while I can believe that to some plural marriage was a great cross,
yet I cannot say so from my own experience, for although in times that
tried men's hearts, 1 married seven wives, 1 was, blessed with the gift to
love them all; and although providing for so many was attended with
great labor, care and anxiety, yet there was sympathy and love as my
reward. And there is not one of my children of their mothers that are not
dearer to me still than life.

On my return in 1855 from a mission to the Sandwich Isles, I found
that Santaquin Utah, with the homes of my family and all that I possessed
to the amount of thousands was destroyed or stolen, by Indians in the
Walker War, and my family homeless. And yet in 1856, although
conditions appeared forbidding, council suggested that 1 take other
wives; and feeling sure it was the voice of the Lord to me, with promise of
His blessing, so I married three more young wives, which was followed by
cricket and locust raids to destroy nearly all our crops for five years, and
yet we were neither hungry or naked. These were days that tried the
souls of both men and women, and yet the love and gratitude of any one
of my children today more than repays all, and 1 know that both men and
women in plural marriage were happy in the assurance that they were
obeying the command of God and the council of His servants.

And without the consent and approbation of him who held the keys of
that priesthood, no one had the right even to speak upon the subject of
plural marriage to the women he would marry, and even then, he ought
first to obtain consent of her parents before having the right to speak to

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her upon the subject. And this was ever the law so far as I understand it.
And for all plural marriages or sealings there was the one only that held
this right, which he, if necessary, could delegate to others.

And then with regard to a man's right to take a second wife without the
knowledge and consent of the first, I will only say, if his first wife be like
the Sarah of old, there would be no such necessity, but if other wives, then
see D&C 132:64-65.

And now your question as to the cause of the early persecutions of the
Saints. To answer this question, we should go back to its inception to find
cause for the hate that is ever behind to incite persecution. Between the
present and former dispensations there is a striking analogy. Jesus
appeared to the learned, haughty, dignified and opulent Jews as the "poor
illiterate carpenter's son of Nazareth", a despised "Galilean," who claimed
to be the son of the Highest, the Great Jehovah, that "without him there
was nothing made that was made," that he held "all power both in Heaven
and on Earth," that he could "destroy the temple and rear it up in three
days," etc. while the multitude turned from them to follow Him the "lowly
Nazarene," hence their envy and jealousy which ripened into hate and in
their nailing Him as a malefactor to the cross, and just so it has been in
our day.

Joseph Smith, of lowly birth, a farm boy of common class, poor,
illiterate and without distinction other than being religiously inclined; he
attended revivals, was in these anxious circles honestly seeking religion
and to learn which was the right church; and calling upon the Lord in
simple faith that he might know. Both the Father and the Son in a pillar of
light descended, and in teaching him commanded that "he join no
religious sect, as their creeds were all an abomination in His sight."

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And this blow, by an ignorant son of poverty at fourteen years of age, in
the face of all Christendom, was an insult to the dignity of all priestly
learning, greatness and wealth; with all their millions in Bible, missionary
and other societies for converting the world, all their greatness defied
and denounced by an ignorant boy, their contempt led to hatred and
persecution. And when that same boy became a man, he claimed having
revelations, and that an angel had delivered to him golden plates
containing the history of a fallen people, and that God, through him was
about to restore the ancient gospel in its purity, which, if true, would blot
out all their greatness. And so inspired by hate, they made lies their
weapons with which to fight the truth; both of which are attributes of the
devil, whose servants they were, as "blind leaders of the blind." The
leaders blinded by envy, jealousy, self interest and hate while the
multitude were blinded by the popular prejudice and cry of "away with
them"; and all going together to the pit; just as the Master saw, and upon
the cross "prayed His Father to forgive them as they knew not what they
did." Our Prophet Joseph like the Master, was held in contempt by learned
priests, bigots and hypocrites, and like Him, was scorned, despised, and
derided by the rich; and by all Christendom was hated without cause, and
persecuted unto death by those who would not know him.

It is true that the Prophet seemed to lay the foundation of our Church
with a military spirit, and so, unlike the present, he taught us resistance to
all oppression; to defend our liberties with the sword. But I can now see
as the temple of truth and love is built higher by the Master's hand that
resentment brought to us only calamity and the reverse of our hopes. And
1 can also see now that unnecessary offences were at times given to
strengthen the prejudice or hate of our enemies; for that was the infancy
of the Church and its days of child-like enthusiasm and great hopes. And

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at times, no doubt, leading elders made child-like boasts to irritate our
enemies.

But of that period and experience, as compared with today, you can
realize but little, and so I do not marvel at your criticisms upon the
common manner of disposing of the question of "causes," for all is now so
changed.

And as since, before 1830 the Lord began, through the Prophet Joseph,
to turn the keys of knowledge to flood the world with new light and life,
or to plant in the "three measures of meal" that "leaven" through which
all the world will yet become "leavened", which has since its inception
been working in the world's thought to produce great change, politically,
religiously, socially, financially and scientifically-the increased light that
came to earth through the keys of knowledge turned by the Prophet
Joseph for which he was derided, hated, and killed, but towards which all
searching eyes of inquiry are now turning with new thoughts leading
towards the great truths of the gospel.

While many principles of our religion are being counterfeited by the
world to throw dust in the eyes of the thoughtless, that they may not
discover that this is the great day of "God's preparation" for regenerating
the earth with a Zion for its Capital City.

"The Prophet and his hobbies," The Prophet fully realized that arrayed
against him, or the truth, was combined all the religious, political,
financial, educational and social powers of the world. And all this power
he had to meet with wisdom that came alone from God. He had no time or
place for "hobbies", but stood boldly to defend the truth with such
weapons and helps as came to him of the Lord.

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P. P. Pratt, through his "Voice of Warning to all the people," published
at an early day in Kirtland, was a primary exponent of the Prophet's
theology. And the Prophet's reply to journalists who early, in Nauvoo,
asked him for a copy of the "Mormon creed" has since become our
"articles of Faith." And if the Prophet did have a "hobby" it was to provide
for the poor and to defend the liberties of the people, for when he
organized the Nauvoo Legion, and for which he laid down his life. And the
principle of his government or influence over his people is explained in
his reply to a church dignitary, I think a Catholic Bishop, who at Nauvoo
Mansion asked him "by what power he governed so great a people?" He
replied, "1 do not govern them, 1 teach them correct principles and they
govern themselves," which was a "hobby", if he had any.

"The Prophet's teaching of love" was not to work upon the sympathies
and sensibilities of the people, but by his great example and self-sacrifice,
and in showing us that while all the world were against us, our only hope
was in our union, and that union was only possible as the fruit of our love
for each other. And in teaching us the "Fatherhood of God, and the
Brotherhood of Man," we could begin to see why we should "love God
supremely, and our brother as ourselves." He taught us that God was the
great head of human procreation— was really and truly the father of both
our spirits and our bodies; that we were but parts of a great whole,
mutually and equally dependent upon each other, according to our
conditions. And in our love of God we show, as do the members of our
bodies, naturally a greater love and protection for our head. But this
reasoning could not be fully understood by all, and as 1 have said before,
in the infancy of the church, our minds and views were more narrow, and
we were more petulant, resentful and perhaps more vindictive then than
now, that the principles of charity and love are seen to be the life spring

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and core principle of our gospel. And now that we see the temple of
charity, union and love, reared above its foundation, once guarded by the
"Nauvoo Legion," commanded by the Traitor, "Joab, General in Israel," we
are led to feel that those were the days of childhood's mistakes, yet all
leading to great purposes as was the call of Judas to the apostleship. And
we are as a people today, in wisdom, stature and power with God, just
what we have grown to be through accumulating experience in the
Father's care.

"Early day marriage among the Saints." Replying to your question,
relating to early day marriages in the Church, I will say, that there were
no arbitrary rules relating to marriage, other than that the ceremony be
in strict accordance with statute law of the state. And as no one of the
elders at a very early day took to themselves the right to perform that
ceremony, it was left to the Justice of the Peace, until Elder Seymour
Brunson at Kirtland, assumed that prerogative and was patronized until
others followed his example; and 1 remember of no marriage by the
Prophet until at Nauvoo. And for marrying with the outside, the rule from
the first was as now, strongly against it by council, but tolerant as to
common fellowship, while all the wise understand that such marriage is
of no eternal worth.

In reply to your question on Early proselyting and attitude of the
Church toward other denominations, "I must say again, that in the rise of
the Church all advantages of wealth, education and popularity were with
our enemies; while the few poor, unlearned elders, called of the Lord,
were at every disadvantage. But in having the truth and a trust in the
Lord, and they at times, through their faith and zeal, enthused by the
spirit of their callings, were led to use the gospel truths as a battering
ram, to demolish creeds and hypocracy, as fabrics "built upon the sand,"

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instead of first rearing in view of all the gospel temple of truth and love,
as a home of refuge for the honest in heart, when their houses built upon
the "sand" should fall.

And our labors then were perhaps not always in the wisdom and
charity that the experience and learning of subsequent years has brought.
And in proportion as we were derided, persecuted and held in contempt
by a hireling priesthood, whose creeds we knew were but an
abomination, and all their ministry but frauds, and so we regarded their
show of sincerity as hallow mockery and pretence, all for popularity or
gain. And of all the sects, we regarded the Catholic church as the great
head of priestcraft and hypocracy. And so far as 1 am personally
concerned, 1 am hardly rid of that view and feeling yet, that they are really
but "garnished sepulchers" filled with the bones of a dead and rotten past.

And right here a full chapter could be written of young men, who, while
yet but boys, went forth in ignorance, and through their humility and in
the spirit of their calling, soon became mighty both in word and in deed,
and for a season would be as brilliant stars of our hopes, but through
forgetting the Lord, in remembrance of their own greatness, too many,
like bright meteors, sank from sight to rise no more, in fulfillment of His
word that "no flesh should glory in His presence"; while others, trusting
in their own strength, were led into sins and were swallowed up in their
transgressions, after a labor in faithfulness for a season.

"Pioneers and Oregon." With others, from the Prophet at an early day, I
took in the idea of our pioneering or exploring, to find somewhere in the
west a place of safety for the Church. And while some thoughts would be
of valleys in the mountains, an oasis in the "Great American Desert,"
others did talk of Oregon, but not in the Prophet's day did any properly

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organized company start. But at his death the star of our hope for a home
of peace began more plainly to rise in the Great West, somewhere to be
found. But where, we knew not. Among the speculations as to where,
Oregon was talked of, and then of Van Couver's Island, which, with its
great advantages for Mormon safety from persecution, was pointed out
by our professed friend Stephen A. Douglas, who came to the Nauvoo
Mansion in 1845, then kept open by myself, soon after which the praises
of Upper California began to be rehearsed and sung. But by Brigham
Young, to my knowledge, there was never a pointer given as to our
destination as a people. And although in organizing the Pioneer
Emigration, I was appointed captain of fifty wagons, and was among the
first to cross the Mississippi, and camped on Sugar Creek, 1 yet heard no
suggestion by our leader as to where we were going, nor did 1 know of a
"Scout, mountaineer, or guide" being in our camp for one day, or for
anyone to give a word to point or direct our way but Brigham Young. And
never until after our arrival in Salt Lake Valley, did I see Fremount, [John
C. Femont] Kit Carson, Peg Leg Smith or Captain [Jim] Bridger, all of
whom 1 saw after our Modern Moses guided alone by revelation, had led
us to the Salt Lake Valley.

"Of changes and mistakes," I hardly feel inspired to write. For change is
everywhere and in everything, and liability of change and mistakes is
with every one, and if the Master "learned obedience" through
experience, how much more need of experience have we?. I believe that
the mistakes of a true man will be as steps upon which he will rise to
greater wisdom, exertions, and to broader views. And why should not the
experience of yesterday make us the wiser today? We are not always in
the same mind and feeling; for when prompted by hunger. He cursed the
tree that bore Him no fruit; and when angry with scourges he drove from
the Temple "money changers" and kicked over their tables. But this was

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not His mood when at the grave of Lazarus He so wept that the guests
exclaimed, "Behold how He loveth him"; nor when in view of calamities to
come He wept over Jerusalem; and does it not look like a mistake that He
chose as one of His apostles a Judas to betray Him?

And now all of this, to a great degree, finds a parallel in the life of the
Prophet Joseph. He was already to fight for the rights and liberties of his
friends, and his heart was ever full of sympathy and tears, to sorrow with
those he loved; and he too chose among his counsellors and friends those
who did betray and bring him to death. And no man, seemingly, could
make greater mistakes in selection of associates than did the Prophet;
and this, with the many other things of which he was accursed, his
enemies held as evidence that he was a fallen prophet. And even the Lord
not only at times admonished him for neglect of duty; but speaks of his
"sins" and "transgressions" , which would imply that he was not always
equally enlightened and guided by inspiration. And in the earliest days he
did so make mistakes that the Lord at one time witheld from him the keys
of his calling. And he does not in his own history hesitate to say that after
conversing with both the Father and the Son, and being administered to
by holy angels, that he made great mistakes and was overcome in
transgression and sins. And as to mistakes through want of properly
discerning the "times and seasons" of prophetic events, we were over
seventy years ago taught by our leaders to believe that the coming of
Christ and the millenial reign was much nearer than then we believe it to
be now. And mistakes through imaginations and groundless hopes have
been all along the line of our experience as a Church. And are not our
reverses, disappointments and mistakes permitted to be monitors and
guides for the future? And 1 do know of things done and of principles
taught by the Prophet Joseph that our Prophet, Joseph F., would not today

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accept as an example for him to imitate. And is not our growth in wisdom
the cumulated fruit of our experimental or active life?

"President Brigham Young." Of Brigham Young as President of the
Church, I will again bear this as a faithful testimony that I do know and
bear record that upon the head of Brigham Young as chief, with the
Apostleship in full, was by the voice of the Prophet loseph in my hearing,
laid the full responsibility of bearing of the kingdom of God to all the
world. And I do further bear as a testimony, faithful and true, to the
Church and to all the world, that at a conference of the whole Church, at
Nauvoo, subsequent to the Prophet's death and return of the absent
Apostles, that 1 sat in the assembly near to President Rigdon, closely
attentive to his appeal to the conference to recognize and sustain his
claim as "Guardian for the Church." And I was perhaps, to a degree,
forgetful of what I knew to be the rights and duties of the apostleship, and
as he closed his address and sat down, my back was partly turned to the
seat occupied by Apostle Brigham Young and other Apostles, when
suddenly, and as from Heaven, 1 heard the voice of the Prophet Joseph,
that thrilled my whole being, and quickly turning around I saw in the
transfiguration of Brigham Young, the tall, straight and portly form of the
Prophet Joseph Smith, clothed in a sheen of light, covering him to his feet;
and 1 heard the real and perfect voice of the Prophet, even to the whistle,
as in years past caused by the loss of a tooth said to have been broken out
by the mob at Hyrum. This view, or vision, although but for seconds, was
to me as vivid and real as the glare of lightning or the voice of thunder
from the heavens, and so deeply was I impressed with what I saw and
heard in this transfiguration, that for years 1 dare not publicly tell what
was given me of the Lord to see. But when in later years 1 did publicly
bear this testimony, I found that others would testify to having seen and

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heard the same. But to what proportion of the congregation who were
present I could never know. But I do know that this, my testimony is true.

The Prophet's lost tooth, to which I alluded was, as generally
understood, broken out by the mob at Hyrum while trying to pry open his
mouth to strangle him with acid, which from time, until the tooth was
replaced by a dentist neighbor, a year or so previous to his death, there
had a whistle-like sound to accompany all his public speaking which I
again plainly heard at the time of which I write.

And while I do know that Brigham Young as President of the Church,
was the right man in the right place, and a great leader for Israel, 1 still
know that he never claimed to be perfect in all of his ways, but that, like
his brethren, he at times was liable to mistakes. And to some of his
mistakes I am a witness, and also that he saw some of his mistakes and
nobly corrected them.

And to show more fully his leading traits and general "personal
character", I will go back to relate that soon after embracing the gospel in
1832, Brigham Young started with his brother from their home in the
state of New York, to visit the Prophet at Kirtland, and on their way called
upon us at Pomfret, N. Y., who had received the gospel just before them,
and remaining overnight with my sister's husband, Lyman R. Sherman.
And while at evening in animated conversation upon the gifts as
promised to accompany the gospel, the spirit came upon Brother
Sherman in mighty power, and he opened his mouth in an unknown
tongue, to the great surprise and joy of all, and 1 think that Brother
Brigham also at that time received the gift; Brother Lyman R. Sherman
being the first known to have spoken in the gift of tongues by the power
of God in this dispensation. And on Brother Brigham arriving in Kirtland

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at the Prophet's home, being called to lead in family prayer, as a surprise
even to the Prophet, he opened his mouth in a strange tongue, the first
heard by him, which he said at once was in the language of our first
parents. And he, at that time, made the Prediction upon the head of
Brigham Young that "at some period he would become the leader of the
Church, and that there would be but one danger to beset him, and that
would be his love of wealth." These things were told me by Brother
Sherman at near the time of their occurrence, who remained almost as
the right hand of the Prophet until the day of his death. And while I am
witness that after the Prophet's death that Brigham Young became
Israel's great leader, a Prophet, Seer and Revelator, to the Church in all
the world, 1 yet know that he was a great financier and at times did
manifest a love for wealth, and did make mistakes, some of which he may
not have lived fully to rectify. But with all of his mistakes, private or
public, his voice was ever the voice of the true shepherd to Israel. And in
looking for mistakes, I feel admonished to look after my own personality,
which, with all of his faults, might perhaps leave me, in comparison, too
small for a full claim to notice.

From his young manhood, all through his after life, in close
observation, I saw him through every calling, rise to become Israel's great
chief, holding every key of Priesthood and power pertaining to the
Kingdom of God on the earth and the salvation for the dead. And 1 saw,
too, that through his great capacity as financier, with his love of riches,
that he became as the Prophet had foretold, possessed of great wealth,
which, although it may have had an influence to a degree upon his
children, it had none to draw him from the love or duties of his high
calling, in which, at times, he seemed fully tested, and the confidence of
the people was towards him from his first assuming the Presidency.

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His great influence as a leader seemed to lie in his quick discernment,
his ready decisions, and in his right judgement, in placing men and things
in their proper position, and to their best possible use; while his intuitive
magnetism, his kindly sympathy in afflictions, his noble bearing as a
brother, friend and as a man in its true and full sense, inspired
confidence, respect and love in all who really knew him. And as for
comparing him with others filling the same position, 1 can only think of
them all, and each, as strong and mighty pillars in the Great Temple of our
Hopes, equal in strength and use, but each molded by the Master hand in
symmetry and beauty to a difference in form and mind but not in
Priesthood and purpose.

"Brigham Young, his interest in education." Upon this question 1 will
not prolong remarks. With Brigham Young from 1832 until his death in
1877 I was often closely associated, and I know him to have been a
pioneer, a promoter, and a true friend to education, and although he was
not himself cultured in scholarship or refined by classic education, yet he
by nature was highly cultured and refined both in habit, demeanor and
conversation, and no one could associated with him and not be impressed
by his refining influence. And so far as the influence of music and drama
tend to civilize and elevate, or refine society, credit should be due to
Brigham Young as the pioneer chief in their promotion and establishment
in the heart of the "Great American Desert," to give musical tone and
inspiration to all its divisions into states.

But we should not forget that Brigham Young was the leader of a
people, driven before the cannon and bayonet, of a heartless and cruel
mob, who fled across the Mississippi in winter, leaving their homes
without opportunity to provide food or clothing; and plundered of all
they could not carry, and to go they knew not where; and to save the lives

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of all of these many thousands now devolved on Brigham Young, even to
look after the possibilities for transportation, to learn the way, to open
roads, to see that all had food, and then protect them from the tomahawk,
scalping knife and bullet; and when in the Valleys, to measure out land, to
formulate laws, and to counsel the people how to save a pittance from
swarms of crickets and locusts that ravaged their field.

And for some years. President Young, with all the people, were
devotedly seeking to save the souls of the people alive, from starvation,
with hope of a better day for education.

But enthused by the spirit of our leader, in every way-station on the
road, in every town or ward settled after arriving in Utah, about the first
house built by the people was for pubhc school and meeting purposes.
And that Brigham Young opposed education, with desire to keep his
people in ignorance, is a monster in falsehood, for he was not only the
pioneer in education in the mountain states, but so long as he lived he
assisted it liberally with his means, and the Brigham Young Academy and
College, in Utah, will continue to bear fruit to the honor of his name after
his traducers with their falsehoods, are buried in forgetfulness, under the
contempt of God and all just men.

"What 1 know of the objects and purposes, in raising the Mormon
Battalion." To show you that I did know the motive of President Young in
sending the Battalion, I will say that as one of that special Council
organized by the Prophet, of which I have written, and of which President
Young being the head, 1 still hold my seat and still had a voice in all
general movements relating to our exodus as a people from Nauvoo. And
I will say that this council, as a legislature of the people, did continue
under the Presidency and became the Colonial Council, or legislature of

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the State of Deseret. And I was present at the arrival of Colonel Little and
company at Garden Grove, with the requisition, by Gout for five hundred
volunteers for the American Army, served upon the fleeting Mormons as
a test to their loyalty and patriotism by Senator Benton of Missouri. It was
well understood at the time, as the subject was fully ventilated by the
council, and all comprehended it as a great sacrifice and that there was no
reward or benefit offered by the government in any degree.

It was a test of the people's and our Prophet's loyalty and patriotism
while under arrest; and this patriotism and loyalty was now to be placed
upon the alter at a great disadvantage. And would we stand the test-even
as did our Father Abraham answer this great question?

At Garden Grove all of the enlistment was filled, and now, this was
unequalled patriotism and valor of the Sons of Zion, who sacrificed aged
parents, wives and children, sweethearts and other dear ones, by leaving
them homeless, unprotected, and to the mercy of the wild and naked
plains.

That such a privilege was sought for by the Mormons, should be
stamped as a monstrosity in falsehood. But that it was a great and far-
reaching test of loyalty all will admit, which was to establish the truth of
Mormon love and loyalty to that heaven-inspired and God-given
Constitution of the United States, which will yet give guarantee of liberty
and equal rights to all people of-the earth and nations shall "learn war no
more," and shall learn to better comprehend that great principle of the
Fatherhood of God and the Brotherhood of Man.

I do not think of more to write.

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Signed, Benjamin F. Johnson